


Redemption

by psychicdreams



Series: Redemption Series [1]
Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Drama, F/M, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 17:55:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 52,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1614047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychicdreams/pseuds/psychicdreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you could go back in time, redo the past and change the future, would you do it? Even at the risk that you lose every single hard-won victory you've had?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Very, very minor, tiny, itty-bitty, teeny-weensy reference to xxxHOLiC in the first chapter. You don't need to know the series for the story to make any sense and there won't be any other crossovers in the future, so for those of you that don't know xxxHOLiC, don't worry, you don't have to.

It sat there on his nightstand next to his bed, an innocuous little bottle that wouldn’t seem out of place anywhere. It was just a little black container holding what was, perhaps, Cloud’s miracle, if only he would take the chance on it. He could hear the woman’s sultry voice in his ears, warning him of the consequences and that he didn’t have to do it if he didn’t want to.

_“It’s a hard thing to decide, knowing that you can change the past you hate, but by doing so, risk every inch of the future.”_

Cloud jerked his head up as Marlene’s spontaneous laughter echoed outside his bedroom door. The patter of feet ran past, signaling that Denzel was probably chasing the girl in a game of some sort. To be able to see such happiness in the children, in _Marlene_ only three months after Geostigma was cured, was a miracle in itself and one he guiltily knew he should be thankful for. 

“Cloud, Marlene, Denzel! Dinnertime~!”

He sighed and stood from his seat on the edge of his bed and headed downstairs. He still wasn’t really used to this whole “family” thing, staying in one place for so long. Staying _here_ , at Tifa’s Seventh Heaven in Edge. She had recreated it as best she could after the end of Midgar, after they’d defeated Sephiroth and destroyed Meteor, and had some semblance of a life back. 

And yet, he still wasn’t comfortable. He’d spent two years with his delivery service, trying to avoid any contact with his old friends. He’d tried to sever it all, never answering back to them no matter how many messages they had left on his cellphone, but he had been unable to completely throw them away. Unable to really _let go_. Was it this same reason that had caused him to somehow find himself at that woman’s place and make this…insane wish?

She smiled as she saw him and welcomed him to the dinner table. Tifa Lockheart was an average-in-height girl, and one given to a lot of smiling with half the chance. Lately she was always happy. Her reddish brown eyes were warm and full of caring and he knew she was a wonderful woman and a happy mother, with how she had cared for Marlene and Denzel. Half the time lately, when he looked at her, he couldn’t even tell she was a grade-A martial artist who had helped him defeat Sephiroth two years ago.

“Barret should be back soon. Aren’t you glad, Marlene?” she commented as she set out the supper she habitually prepared every day at six o’clock.

Barret Wallace was Marlene’s adopted father and also one of the biggest men that Cloud had ever seen. Not only was the man 6’4, but seemingly built of pure muscle. Having one arm grafted as a gun ended up making him look like a weapon in every aspect. But despite that, the big man was a pushover when it came to his sweet, nine-year-old daughter. 

Tifa caught his eye when he sat down and he smiled back as best he could, even if his thoughts were still consumed by the tiny bottle upstairs. Even he wasn’t dense enough to not notice that Tifa certainly…‘favored’ him. He could remember when he was child how he’d had a crush on her and at one point in his life, he would have been jumping for joy and gladly taken advantage of that, but he found that now he was no longer interested in her that way. She was just a close, childhood friend that had always stuck by him no matter what and he couldn’t imagine that feeling changing now.

As usual, he let Tifa, Marlene, and Denzel talk as they liked and didn’t say much. He was getting better, but some part of him still remained reserved and unnerved about the whole situation. He had told Vincent Valentine, the former Turk who had suffered Hojo’s terrible experiments, that he was going to seek forgiveness for himself, but he wasn’t sure how he was going to do it. 

That was where _she_ had come in. He hadn’t known how strong his wish was until she appeared or he had found his way to her, he wasn’t sure which it was at this point. She had told him the price for his wish was very high, but he could do it. He could _fix_ everything.

_“This vial…put the contents of it in a glass of water and drink it when you go to sleep. Make sure no one but you drinks it.”_ He remembered her smile, then, which was so serious despite it felt like it should have seemed otherwise. _“This is a heavy price, though, if you use it. You can’t go back. It’s a one-way ticket, Cloud Strife. Every inch of the reality and future you have now will be gone and it will never happen again. If you fail in whatever you go back for, there is no guarantee that you would be able to stop your enemies again. More than just one of your friends could die this time. Should you use this, you will forever be giving up what relationships you have now and also the relationships those around you have for others. Do you want to give up everything you have worked **so hard** for? This is your price if you use this.”_

But was it worth it? Was it really worth destroying the past seven years of his life and everything he had ever worked for? Was it right for him to make a choice that encompassed the whole world? He would be taking Marlene and Denzel away from each other, though they would never know it. What about the rest of his friends and the lives they had finally single-handedly carved out for themselves with what they were given in life? Especially now, since it seemed like they had just this fragile reign of peace going?

And most of all, if it happened again, could he go through seeing Nibelheim, his hometown, being destroyed once more? Could he stand seeing Tifa break down in tears at her dead father’s body? Watch as his most beloved of role model’s go insane with corrupted knowledge of what he was, that by the time the real truth came out, that he was already unsalvageable? Could he stand there and have another front row seat as Sephiroth stabbed Aeris Gainsborough, the last Ancient and close friend, through the heart another time?

That was his real price, he thought to himself. If he failed, he’d have to see all of it happen all over again and there was the very distinct possibility, a gut feeling in his heart, that it would be so much worse than what they had just gone through now. If he had to, he thought he would break. Should he try to beat the odds when he wasn’t sure he could survive the odds beating him?

“Cloud? Is something the matter?”

He jerked his head up as Tifa’s worried voice sliced through his preoccupation. He managed a reassuring smile as Marlene and Denzel cleared their plates and brought them to the sink. “I’m fine, Tifa. Just not feeling very well tonight, is all.”

She glanced down at his nearly untouched plate of food. “Uh huh. Well, if you’re not feeling well, you should go to bed and rest early.”

“I think I will,” he replied, latching onto the suggestion like a lifeline to escape back to his room. For the past week he had found his thoughts all consuming about this little bottle and this chance.

Part of him whispered that this was too good to be true. That there was no way this could ever actually happen. A voice in his subconscious told him that he had no idea how good he really had it, how _easy_ the battle against Sephiroth had ended up when it could have been _so_ much worse. Could he willingly throw away the success that they had achieved just for the _possibility_ that he could make it so that it would never happen in the first place?

He knew if he asked his friends that they’d tell him the woman had given him a load of bullshit. That there was no way such a miracle could ever truly happen. It would just be a fragile dream. Those that might actually believe it held that power, probably led by Tifa, would tell him not to. To not risk all that they had just for a possibility.

It was the reason that only he could drink this that he hadn’t already mentioned it before to at least Tifa. He knew she’d just be worried if he told her, so he didn’t plan on it. No, whether or not he chose to do this, he would keep this secret from everyone.

Cloud dropped to lie on the bed, staring at the ceiling, but now his nerves were tense knowing that that little bottle was just in reach of his hand. He’d never been more torn in his life. Would it, could it, possibly even work? Did he want to take the chance that he could save one life, while at the same time risking even more if he couldn’t do it?

His thoughts circled around to repeat the same worries, like a needle stuck in a groove and he kicked off his shoes absently. The sounds of life below his window filtered up and he just listened to the ambiance. Both Tifa and Aeris had said to him that he had dilly-dallied when he had hesitated during the fiasco with Kadaj and his gang. Was that all he was capable of doing? He didn’t feel right anymore, ever since the final battle with Sephiroth. He feared making decisions, lest they bring more deaths. He had lost confidence in _himself_.

After Kadaj, he had gotten some of that back, some of that life, and had made at least some peace in himself, but he still remained as hesitant as ever to make decisions. He wanted that confidence back, in full. He wanted to feel like himself again, in a way that he hadn’t been for two years. Back then, he had known exactly what to do and was willing to do anything to achieve it. He hadn’t ever hesitated, just headed straight for Sephiroth, no matter where in the world he had chosen to go. 

Now he found he lacked a goal. For years, it had all been about Sephiroth and the crisis. Now when facing nothing but a regular life, having no choice but to _deal_ with the grief of Aeris’ death and his own failures, he found himself out of sorts and without anywhere to look ahead to.

Cloud _hated_ that feeling. 

He sat up and swung his legs over, snatching the bottle and staring at its inner contents through the glass. It wasn’t a liquid since when he shook the bottle, it could hear a faint tinkling sound. He didn’t like hesitating. He didn’t like feeling like he wasn’t walking, but baby-stepping forward in his life. All the sadness and grief that they had all experienced…this was a chance to erase it all and start with a clean slate. To prevent Aeris’ death so she could live, for if there was any girl who deserved it, it was her. 

His grip tightened on the glass and he stood up to detour to the bathroom for a glass of water. He uncorked the topper and watched as tiny little black, hard pieces of powder hit the water he had poured and dissolved. He held it up to the light, but the water remained the same, as if nothing had once been dropped in. 

The warrior frowned and steeled his resolve, Aeris’ face flashing through his mind’s eye and how lively she had been. It didn’t taste like anything but water and he drank it all. He didn’t pass out and he didn’t feel strange. In fact, he felt the same as before. Was it possible it really was all a hoax? He peered into the bottle, seeing only a few straggles of powder left. Though he wasn’t sure if it meant anything, or anything would come of it, he gently filled the small vial with a little bit of water and got the dredges down his throat.

If it really did work and the woman’s instructions were to be followed, he didn’t want to chance anyone else having any of it and suffering ill consequences.

Though it wasn’t really night, he decided to sleep anyway, since she had told him to only drink it before he went to bed. With the sound of humming from Tifa downstairs in his ears as he slid between the sheets, his skepticism flared up and said that it probably meant nothing. And yet, the moment he had made his decision, he felt better. As if he was no longer standing still while everyone else continued to walk forward toward their futures.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note about Sephiroth: We don't really get a look at Sephiroth's real character before he turns insane in the game and obviously not in Advent Children. I got into this pairing thanks to doujinshi, which I had avoided before, and Sephiroth's character will be heavily influenced by the doujinshi "Custodio Angel", which I found was a very excellent doujin.

He felt groggy when he woke and his throat as dry as the desert surrounding Cosmo Canyon. His bed was uncomfortable, to say the very least about it, and he was hot. He rolled over, but frowned when he his elbow and empty hands didn’t come in contact with the metal of his sword. He had been sure he had gripped it before going to bed on the off chance that the contents in the vial worked. 

Cloud blinked his eyes several times, rolling them around in their sockets as he tried to push the rest of the sleep off of him. He felt faintly sick for some reason and light-headed. He reached for the nightstand, but it wasn’t where it should be and he ended up stretching too far and almost falling on his face on the floor.

Grumbling, he stood up and blinked when the floor was cool and smooth under his bare feet, not like the rough wood of Tifa’s bar. He swallowed, a tad painfully, and his heart was going so fast, pumping his blood speedily through his veins, that it was giving him a headache. A tad frantic now, his hands sought out the wall and searched for a light switch, managing to somehow bang his knees on every jutting object that happened to be in his way.

He found it and winced as clinical, sterilized white light filled the room and burned his vision with afterimages every time he blinked. “Ugh,” he muttered and rubbed them hard, only opening them slowly once he was used to the bright and firm light. The room itself was small, taking little more than seven to ten steps to cover it all. There were two doors on different walls and what was no doubt a closet.

Cloud choked when he recognized instantly what this place was. The sterile environment, the white-on-white room, not even larger than a cinderblock or prison cell proclaimed itself to be a classic ShinRa room for cadets in training as they were tested for their eligibility for SOLDIER. Those like him weren’t regular soldiers, so they didn’t have to sleep in the barracks, but this room was little much larger for convenience. 

His legs had gone wobbly by now and he would have slumped to the floor in shock, if he wasn’t busy running to the door that he remembered led to a bathroom. Naturally, it was only as big as a phone booth, so it only had a toilet and sink with a tiny mirror. Showers, even for cadets such as him, were communal with the regular soldiers. Only SOLDIER members got showers in their admittedly much bigger rooms.

The mirror only confirmed what he couldn’t believe. The blue eyes that looked back at him weren’t tinted at their edges with the green of mako, like all he had ever known in the past seven years when he looked at himself. In disbelief, his gaze shifted downwards at his hands, which weren’t as long or muscled as they had been only yesterday. He wasn’t wearing black pants and a shirt, but standard issue white pajamas.

His mind couldn’t believe it was real. That little vial had actually done it, right? But when was it? How much time had been taken away? With a new goal in mind, he sped from the bathroom and tore apart his overly clean and organized room looking for any sort of paper that would tell him what year it was. 

In his frantic searching, he did come across his sword in his closet, hidden behind the clothes he had hung up. He no longer cared if they ended up wrinkled and fell to the ground off their hangers as he shoved them away to get a better look. It was his sword all right; his most trusted that he had fought Kadaj with. 

“How…?” he muttered in confusion under his breath. His other clothes and belongings didn’t seem to have made it, but why his sword? Because he had been holding on to it? Then why had it ended up in the closet? Because of his strong emotional attachment to it? He reached out to grab it, as if it were his rock in a rough sea, but found that he could barely lift it. 

“Year, year, year,” he muttered under his breath, letting the sword to drop from his hand and clatter to the floor as he tore apart the rest of his room for any sort of paper that would tell him how many years had been taken away.

In the one, single drawer of the nightstand that wasn’t anywhere near the bed like he had wanted it to be so he could reach it without getting up, he found it. He snatched the notebook open, almost breaking its bindings, and scanned the first page he found for a date. In mounting frustration, he flipped page after page, not even reading what he saw, but merely searching for a four-digit number.

He found it on the second to last page. “Oh my god…” he breathed, unable to believe it. 

Nine years. It had brought him back _nine years_. His legs finally really did give out on him and he collapsed to the floor. He was…fourteen. It was no wonder he couldn’t pick up his sword. Fourteen! He’d only managed to become a cadet, a candidate for SOLDIER, that year. He remembered that year perfectly because that was the same year that he’d finally managed to get a close-up view of Sephiroth. Then he’d actually talked to Sephiroth when he was fifteen, and then when he was sixteen…when he was sixteen, he’d watched Nibelheim burn.

He had two years to change the way things were going. 

Cloud shakily got to his feet and in something of a daze, he pressed the button next to his door to let himself out into the hallway. He had to compress all he’d learned, all his prowess and fighting ability when he was twenty-three and had taken years to build up, into less than two. That was, if he decided that just killing Sephiroth now would be the best way to prevent everything. Of course, naturally, that would also be the hardest thing to do. And yet, he couldn’t come up with any other option.

“Cloud! Hey, there!”

The familiar voice made him freeze. The last time he had heard it was after he’d been shot by Yazoo. That lively, carefree, and friendly voice…Slowly, as if he couldn’t believe it, he turned to look at his left and saw Zack jogging up to him as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Zack was always like that, so full of life. Just like Aeris…Aeris’ boyfriend, his close friend.

Confusion crossed the bigger boy’s face as he peered down at Cloud’s diminutive size. “Hey, are you all right? You’re white and you didn’t even change. Are you not feeling well?”

Cloud found that though he could work his mouth, he couldn’t say a word. His mind hadn’t processed the fact that it had actually worked. That now he had the mind of a 23 year old that had gone through torture, battles, more torture, Aeris’ death, and then more battles with Kadaj trapped in a body of a fourteen-year-old kid. 

The binder in his hand fell to the ground with a clacking sound and Zack blinked in worry, reaching down to pick it up. He couldn’t believe this, just couldn’t…it was insane. This was all a dream, brought out by wishful thinking and hope. When he _really_ woke up, he would be in his bedroom at Tifa’s Seventh Heaven in Edge. Marlene and Denzel would be smiling at him as always and Tifa would tell him that he’d probably had another nightmare.

“Hey, maybe you should sit down or something,” the SOLDIER muttered as he reached out to touch Cloud’s forehead to see if he was running a fever. “You are kinda warm and though I’d swear it isn’t possible, you seem to be turning even whiter.”

Cloud backed away from the well-meaning hand as his vision began to spin a bit. Was reality breaking in, telling him he’d wake up soon from this dream? Or if it was real, was his brain just trying to process _too much_ at one time and was shutting down? Either way, there was a rushing of blood to his ears like the sea crashing against the shore and his head was pounding with an escalating headache.

Zack’s eyes shifted to look over his shoulder and a welcoming smile touched his face. “Oh, hey Sephiroth.”

“What are you doing standing in the middle of the hallway here? It’s almost noon, you should be training yourself or the soldiers.” 

“Aww, don’t frown like that,” Zack muttered and crossed his hands together at the back of his head even as he still managed to hold the report that Cloud had tore his room apart to find. “Simply _because_ it was so late, I was gonna come here and check on Cloud. He’s always so punctual and enthusiastic that it was weird I hadn’t seen him at the usual time of 6 am.”

“Cloud?”

During the whole conversation, Cloud had somehow managed to turn around behind him and could only stare up at the face he knew so intimately that was always twisted in rage or smug superiority. He couldn’t tell if his heart was beating a hundred times a minute or not beating at all and instinctive and utter fear was the only thing he could feel.

Curious turquoise colored eyes looked down at him and he thought idly in the back of his mind that they were a much prettier than the vague silver-like color they had been when Kadaj had morphed into Sephiroth. He was as tall as Cloud remembered, in fact with the exception his eye color and no hint of hatred warping his face, he was exactly as he had been in his memories.

A faint frown touched the man’s face and even he too reached out to touch Cloud’s forehead. “You’re pale. Are you sick?”

It was the concern that did it, Cloud decided as his eyes rolled back into his skull and his brain refused to process anything more. His legs gave out on him for a second time and he cursed everything he could think of that his body refused to respond. His stomach rebelled, his head pounded with a migraine, his legs were weak, and he was just mortified that he fainted into his role-model-turned-mortal-enemy’s arms.

**~*~*~**

Cloud groaned and clutched his head, finding himself awaking yet again in a bed that was familiar and yet unknown at the same time. Part of him, the part that was just terrified of what was going on and that it had actually worked, had hoped it had been all a dream. After so many years of resentfulness toward Sephiroth and what he’d done, pure hatred and grief, his mind could not process a Sephiroth that was _concerned_ about him.

“The doctor says you’re running a slight fever.”

His eyes snapped open to a more diluted, overhead lighting and glanced to his left. He swallowed thickly and realized he could really use a drink, especially since Sephiroth was sitting there and watching him. Cloud could only attribute the fact that he was beginning to think straight instead of a jumble of just shocked emotions that he had rested somewhat just then. For how long, he didn’t know.

He didn’t feel embarrassed or upset to know that his first instinct when he’d seen the man sitting on a chair next to his bed was to grab his weapon, only that was in his bedroom. Not that he could even pick it up, mind you, but it was the principle of the thing. 

Obviously interpreting the questions on his face correctly, Sephiroth shrugged. “You fainted against me, so I sent Zack off to do what he should be doing and carried you here to the medical wing. You’ve been asleep for two hours. I was concerned, so I stayed and the doctor said that while I was here, I might as well wait until you get up to tell you to take those two pills and a drink of water.”

Cloud looked around him to indeed find himself in a many-bedded hospital area and a bedside tray next to him that had a glass of water and two white pills sitting next to it. Amazingly enough, he and Sephiroth seemed to be the only ones there. He sat up slowly, just in case his head decided to pound again and grabbed the two tablets. Normally, he could swallow them even without water, but he could barely swallow, his throat was so dry, so he drank every drop of water in the cup.

“Who are you? I don’t recognize you.”

“Cloud Strife,” he answered, trying not to sound too wary. If he seemed too fearful toward Sephiroth…what would happen? He didn’t know. He honestly didn’t know how to act around this man. How _did_ one act when the person you’d spent your whole life idealizing and wanting to be like ended up being the one that destroyed your whole town and killed a very close friend? How did one act when confronted with who that person _used to be_ without letting them know what might happen?

“You must be new then. If not, I would have met you before. Especially with your unusual name.”

“Relatively,” he answered with a shrug. “I’ve been in the regular army for almost a year, but I managed to pass the tests to be considered a candidate for SOLDIER…a month ago.” Or he hoped it was a month ago. He’d found the date on that report, but had no idea how old that report really was. The only thing he was certain of was the year.

“You want to be in SOLDIER then?”

“Yeah. I’ve admired you since I was a kid and have always wanted to be just like you.”

Sephiroth laughed, but it wasn’t the laugh he had come to hate. This was full of amusement, even if a strange sadness lingered in his eyes. “Can’t say I haven’t heard that story before. Let’s hope you’ll make it in then.” Sephiroth stood, the leather of his clothing he wore rustling as he did so and turned toward the door. “The doctor said take a lot of water and you’ll be fine. Just don’t do anything strenuous today.”

Cloud’s mind whirled, trying to analyze every detail of their conversation and draw whatever he could from it. What did that sadness he saw mean? Why did he seem so strangely melancholy? And _why_ was his gut clenching, telling him to keep Sephiroth here then? Why was it telling him that the moment Sephiroth walked out that door, he probably wouldn’t get a chance to have such a one-on-one conversation like this again?

“W-wait!”

The SOLDIER paused and turned around, raising his eyebrow in curiosity. His long silver hair was just as strange and somehow alluring as always and the light from the hallway of the open the door and beams of clinical light from the hospital clashed on the color and seemed to turn it white at its edges. “What?”

“I…I love you.”

There was a very distinct pause as _neither_ of them could believe what Cloud had just said. He had just happened to blurt out the one thing that had come to mind in the split second he had to say something, to keep Sephiroth from leaving. He didn’t even know why he was rushing this right this second. He had _two years_ to prevent it, didn’t he? And yet, though it seemed like a long time, Cloud knew from first hand experience just how short two years could be.

“Uh…” Cloud cleared his throat as he watched a faint hint of red color Sephiroth’s cheeks. “Uhh…what I mean, um, is…that I, uh…”

The door closed when Sephiroth stepped back away from it and toward the bed. Every step he took back, nearing Cloud, made the younger boy nervous. He frantically tried to think of an explanation, something to clear up that _disastrous_ statement, but found his wits weren’t exactly pristine with all that he’d experienced that day, especially with a very big Sephiroth bearing down on him and he without any sort of weapon.

“Are you saying you want to date me?”

“I, uh, well, n—”

A smirk touched Sephiroth’s lips and leaned down, interrupting Cloud before he could deny it and explain it. In truth, yes, he may love Sephiroth, but totally _platonic!_ The love one felt for a role model or guiding figure! He wasn’t gay by any means! 

“Well, you’re cute enough, so I guess I wouldn’t mind dating you.”

“C-C-Cute?!” he stuttered with outrage, forgetting for a moment that he should be less concerned with that and more concerned with clearing up the fact that he wasn’t interested in a romantic sort of way with Sephiroth. “I am _not_!”

The smirk grew wider and before he realized what Sephiroth was doing, Cloud found himself on the receiving end of a very quick, chaste kiss, merely like a peck on his lips. It caused Cloud to turn bright red and Sephiroth to laugh. “I’ll see you around again, Cloud Strife.”

Then Sephiroth really was gone and Cloud had no wish to call him back. _How the hell did this happen?! Men can love other men and it can be totally platonic!_ he reassured himself. _Like a brotherly love or a…a…well a **platonic** love!_ Satisfied that he had convinced himself that was what he had meant, for that was what it really _was_ , he found he had another dilemma he had to work out.

How to tell _Sephiroth_ that.

“Stupid brain!” he muttered, burying his face in his pillow.

**End**


	3. Chapter 3

To say the least, it had taken him by surprise. After all, it wasn’t something that even Sephiroth heard all that often.

He hadn’t been surprised during their conversation that Cloud Strife had told him that he had come to SOLDIER to be just like him. That he had heard more than anything else, said a million different ways, but it was still the same. His initial thought was that this boy was just like all the others, so he told him the same thing he told everyone else and had gone to leave.

That was when he’d hit him with _that._

_“I…I love you.”_

When he stopped and thought about it, Sephiroth realized that he’d never heard those words directed at him before, even given that he was considered a war hero and one of the strongest warriors of ShinRa. Perhaps it was because of those things that many thought him unapproachable. The truth of it was that he didn’t set out to drive away all around him, it just happened because of his reputation. People thought that since he was such a great man that there was no way that he’d ever be interested in friendship or relationship with others.

Even now, really, the only friend he could say he honestly had was Zack. Zack had never shown any indication that Sephiroth intimidated him at all and it was refreshing. Sometimes he thought that perhaps Zack was a little oblivious, but he was a good man for all that. He treated Sephiroth with a comradery that the bigger man hadn’t realized he was missing until it was given to him. 

He’d been content with that, with just having Zack as his only real close friend. He’d been content with listening out of one ear as he wrote reports when Zack would talk about his girlfriend, who was an angel to hear the other man talk about her. He was fine with the occasional outing to a bar that Zack would talk him into going to. He’d been happy with things as they were.

Then that somewhat scrawny little boy came along and treated him so completely different than even Zack had ever done. At first, when the words had been blurted out, he had thought that it was a joke. Sure, it would have been a first time anyone had ever played a joke on him, but Cloud was also the first one that had ever fainted into his arms.

So he’d agreed and kissed him, thinking that the words were a joke and the other would pull away in disgust. Instead, he’d watched a blush creep over the younger one’s face and he found that it was somehow incredibly adorable. It was the first time he’d ever thought that about anyone and it had a different feeling to it. But it didn’t change the fact that he still thought it was a joke.

Sephiroth continued to watch him over the next week and grew more and more perplexed. He was unlike any other person he’d ever seen and he’d finally decided to search up the records for this particular cadet. Fourteen years old, unremarkable in any way, and the suggestion that he just be transferred back to the regular army. Because he wanted to observe some more, he countermanded the recommendation that was on the evaluation and let the boy stay.

Cloud Strife. A singularly intriguing person, to say the least. He was only fourteen, but what he said and how he acted would have made Sephiroth think he was older despite his looks. The longer he watched him, the more that Sephiroth thought perhaps that he was being unreasonable and Cloud really did mean what he said. The way the boy’s eyes followed him everywhere made the warrior acutely aware when he _wasn’t_ watched. He also seemed to take every opportunity to talk with Sephiroth when he could.

What confused him the most, though, was the unexplainable look in those blue eyes. Always for the first few seconds when they would cross paths, there was a flash of fear and something else and he didn’t miss what appeared to be an instinctual twitch to reach for something that he didn’t have. It was gone quickly and had Sephiroth been anyone else, he probably wouldn’t have noticed it, but he was trained to observe such behavior. There was no way he could miss it.

He didn’t understand it. He had never seen Cloud before and could not, for the life of him, recall him doing anything that would make what seemed an instinctual reaction instill itself so deep. And he found himself drawn ever farther in to the mystery that surrounded the boy. The way that Cloud watched him, Sephiroth in turn began to watch Cloud so that oftentimes their eyes would meet several times in the course of a day.

It wasn’t until those words had been said to him that Sephiroth realized no one had ever said them to him before. Ever since he had been born, he’d been focused on certain things. Up until his teenage years, he’d only cared about getting stronger. It was as if the desire was bred into his very bones. Early on, he’d found out that he was stronger than all those in his classes and surpassed them with surprising ease. It was only when he’d reached sixteen or seventeen that he began to want other things than just getting stronger. After the war with Wutai, which made his reputation solid and unbreakable, he found himself wanting more.

Zack had given him friendship and he thought that was all he’d wanted. He hadn’t realized that there had been an ache in his heart for something still unknown. When the words had hit the air, he knew what he had also wanted but hadn’t known about. He wanted to know what it was like to have a lover. 

Sephiroth didn’t know if Cloud Strife would become that for him. At the moment, all he felt or thought he felt was mere curiosity and the urge to uncover the core of the recent mystery.

“He’s changed.”

“Who has?” Sephiroth asked absently, trying to type with one hand and write with the other to make the habitual reports go faster. If there was one thing that he disliked about his job, it was the endless and tedious reports. 

“Cloud.”

And like every other time before, Sephiroth’s attention was captured at that name and he looked up. “What do you mean? Changed how?”

“Everything, man.” Zack waved his hand to indicate something that was all-encompassing and it was a testament to how well he had gotten to know Zack that he knew what the gesture meant at all since it was so vague. “Remember that time a couple of weeks ago when he got sick with a fever and fainted?”

“Yes. It was our first meeting and no one has ever fainted the moment they saw me.”

Zack laughed, but he could see the worry that lingered in his friend’s eyes. “Yeah, that’s a first. But ever since then, he’s been different.”

“Different how?”

Their eyes met and Zack finally leaned forward on the sofa he was occupying in Sephiroth’s office. Obviously this was a subject that he’d really wanted to talk over with someone, but wasn’t sure if he should. “Listen, you didn’t know him before, but I swear he almost acts like his personality did a total turnaround. Before, he was always rather shy and seemed a little nervous to talk back to anyone since he’d just gotten in a few months before into being a candidate for SOLDIER. He also seemed to have this nervous energy and couldn’t wait to do anything asked of him, always so excited. And never all that confident in himself that he was doing it right.”

That was certainly odd. The picture painted to him of Cloud Strife by Zack was not the one he knew. The one he knew now was self-assured and calm. He acted as if what he did during the day was old hat, as if he’d been there for years. He acted mature, gave ideas and opinions that he thought no fourteen year old would normally had. He had thought perhaps it was the way he was raised, but given what he was told now by Zack…

“I can’t imagine a Cloud Strife like that,” he confessed after a minute. “Though I do admit the peculiarity about his appearance and his demeanor.”

“That’s not all,” Zack continued, moving past Sephiroth’s comment without really saying anything about it. “In his classes, he never seems to study. He used to be always scrambling to keep up, since he was raised in the countryside and not the city, but now it’s like he’s light years ahead of the rest of even the top students.”

“So what exactly is bothering you? I can see why you’re worried, since he seemed to have changed overnight, but what do you want to do about it?”

Zack scratched his head and leaned back against the sofa, his worried look not fading. “I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anything I _can_ do. I also never thought he was gay. I mean, I knew that he really admired you and joined SOLDIER and ShinRa because of you, but I didn’t think it ran that deeply.”

Sephiroth hadn’t been able to not ask Zack about Cloud and had happened to mention the confusing statement. “Does that bother you?”

“Well to each his own,” Zack muttered, a faint tinge of pink on his cheeks. “I won’t hold it against him, it’s his life and all that jazz, but it’s still a bit of surprise. And seeing how he looks at you, I’m not sure what to think. Cloud was never the type to play practical jokes. He told me that when he was a kid he hadn’t really had a lot of friends at home. He said he’d always been rather serious and had told his crush, this girl in town, that he was going to make it big in SOLDIER.”

“You say he doesn’t play jokes like that, but you think it isn’t true?”

There was a moment of silence and Zack finally tilted his hand this way and that. “No, I can’t say that either. I mean, I was under the assumption he was straight when he said he’d had a crush on his friend, but I don’t know now. Maybe he’s bi. I can’t say that he’s entirely straight, not with how he looks at you.”

“And how does he look at me?”

“I’m not an expert on male love, here, so I can’t be certain. After all, I have the most wonderful girlfriend on the planet. But when he talks about you or when I see him looking at you when he thinks no one’s paying attention, the feeling is so intense. I don’t know if it’s love or not. I don’t know if homo love is the same as hetero love, but there isn’t a way that that look, that feeling he seems to infect in the air when it deals with you, is just simple admiration. I don’t know what it is, but it’s so intense it kind of scares me.”

Sephiroth wasn’t quite sure what to say. He didn’t know Cloud all that well to draw any conclusions about him other than he was intriguing and he actually found he liked the spunk and drive of him. The description of Cloud that Zack had told him would have made him say that he would never make it into SOLDIER, but the Cloud Strife he saw now could easily make it. He had the right attitude, the drive, everything needed for it.

If this all happened in one night, what had happened that day?

When he asked the question, Zack could only shrug helplessly. “I don’t know, man. I have thought of that day over and over again and nothing unusual happened. He didn’t hit his head, he wasn’t feeling sick the day before or that day even, he ate what I ate so it wasn’t that. I can’t think of anything that would result in these huge changes. It’s like he’s a different person. Don’t get me wrong,” he added hastily, “I still like the kid. And when I talk with him, I can still see some of the old Cloud there. It just bothers me, that’s all. Before, he used to come talk to me every day, to spill out everything. Now though we seem close as ever, I always feel that there’s _something_ different between us, something that’s holding me at arm’s length.”

Sephiroth didn’t have an answer for Zack’s concerns except now, more than ever, he wanted to find the answer to the riddle that was Cloud Strife’s new existence. He almost suggested possession of some sort to Zack, but held back at the last second. Maybe it was the fact that Zack had said he saw parts of the old Cloud still in there. Or maybe it was the fact that he liked this Cloud better than what he’d been told and wanted to keep him that way.

Regardless, he ignored the faint gossip and whispers about playing favorites and spent most of his free time with Zack and Cloud. Cloud was refreshing in that he treated Sephiroth as if they were equals despite the gap in age and rank. It was reminiscent of the way Zack acted and even when things might seem to get awkward between them, the black-haired SOLDIER bridged the occasional gap. 

And it was only when he kept trying to figure out a way of telling Cloud that he wasn’t in love with him that he realized he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Things would change and he liked them as they were then. And either way, did it matter? It wasn’t as if Cloud was pushing for a kiss or a date or anything remotely romantic. Was he just that composed about waiting for such things to happen? Or was he waiting for Sephiroth to make the first move? Or even maybe he meant it in an entirely different way.

He decided, after great debate, to not do anything at all until he had solved the mystery. Besides, he was actually having some fun with this interesting boy.  



	4. Chapter 4

Days passed much the same for Cloud as it had in the past, but this time he was far busier. Between the work and training that cadets such as him had, he had his own training he had implemented for himself. His fourteen-year-old body was just not the same as his twenty-three, mako-infused one. The expertise was still all in his head; he knew how the moves were supposed to look and feel. It was just that now his current body had none of the strength to go through with what his mind told it to do.

He couldn’t even lift his sword when it was whole. Well, he could lift it part way, but never had enough strength to get the tip off the ground. It was somewhat depressing to have all the knowledge of a person who had defeated Sephiroth twice, but unable to even lift the sword that had made it all possible. He’d ended up breaking it into their individual blades. Those were better and he could lift most without a problem. The workout times were longer and finally when he felt that he’d mastered one, he’d put two together and keep working at it until he could hold the combined sword in his hands.

It was reminiscent of Zack’s sword, but far more complicated. Unlike the gray, brute force weapon that his friend carried, Cloud’s was white and far sharper, broken up into six individual blades. The main one in which all others attached was quite a bit longer in length, almost but a few inches short of the Masamune. Set into the main blade was a multitude of materia slots, of which he found with consternation, none of his mastered magic had been transported with him. He couldn’t figure out why the blade had made the journey with him when his clothes and materia had not.

The first few weeks that he spent his time as fourteen years old was extremely hectic. Perhaps not in schedule, but in his mind he was scrambling to keep up. He had so much to do and he wanted, as much as possible, to get back to where he was. Basic training was just that: basic and mind numbing. He knew it by heart, but was forced to do it over again and again. Used to the heft and weight of his own sword, he found the practice blades to be exceptionally light. More often than not, he misjudged the heft and ended up putting more force than necessary into the move and stumbling.

There were so many people he recognized and caused him to twitch, before he could stop himself. When he’d seen Reno and Rude walking down a corridor, he had always began to turn and run back to his room to grab a weapon before remembering that they had no idea who he was. He thought that Zack noticed his unusual behavior, but thankfully had not commented on it yet. There were only so many things he could handle at the moment.

Before he’d even realized it, a month had gone past, but he was still no closer to discovering a way or solution to the problem presented to him. Maybe that was because he had absolutely no idea if he was changing the future or not; he didn’t know how these things worked. He was doing things differently this time around, acting differently and doing different things, but did that make a difference? Would the tiny changes he was making end up becoming a ripple effect on a calm lake, or were they just drowned out in the sheer size?

The only way that he knew positively that would work would, naturally, be if he killed Sephiroth here, but he was finding it harder to entertain the thought of doing so. Regardless of whether he still had the expertise with this body without mako infused into him, he didn’t want to. The man he knew now as Sephiroth seemed so far removed from the one he’d fought that they didn’t even seem like the same person. The Sephiroth who laughed in derision, the Sephiroth who had asked him what he treasured most so he could take it away, was nowhere to be found in the person in front of him. This person, while closed off and untouchable, was still full of humanity and his own strange way of caring, even if both were hidden exceptionally well.

Things were so different this time around, he thought as he watched from a window in the practice gym as Zack and Sephiroth piled into a van with a few other soldiers for whatever mission they’d been assigned. Sephiroth, he didn’t think, had ever remembered his name before. Now he not only knew his name, but also spoke to him on an almost regular basis. He wasn’t sure if their conversations held anything of substance to them, as it involved nothing completely meaningful, but still…

Cloud received a painful jab on his side from his training partner for taking his attention away, also landing a stinging reprimand from his teacher. After that, knowing he was being observed for more than just his slip by his instructors, he paid attention closely. It wasn’t hard to defend and beat his opponent, even in a body that couldn’t do all he demanded of it yet.

\---

At first, whenever Zack had been sent on a mission after reaching SOLDIER, he’d been a bundle of nerves. He’d always been so concerned about the results, knew that he was being observed. When they’d started assigning him missions with Sephiroth, he had been sure he’d been doing something right. Now, he wasn’t sure why he thought that.

It wasn’t like a punishment to work with Sephiroth, he thought as he brought his blade swishing down to meet the metal of a gun pointed his way. Many would say that would be the high point of honor. And he liked Sephiroth. The guy, while having a tendency to be stoic and an asshole just from sheer tactlessness, was good at the core. On his more introspective days, Zack thought that the only real problem with Sephiroth was that he didn’t even know the meaning of trust, not that he was incapable of it.

Even above the sounds of battle around him, he knew when he was approached and he swerved around, catching the bullets with the broad side of his buster sword. The fearful eyes that stared at him, that had fired the shots in sheer panic, told him just what they were dealing with: amateur revolutionaries. They wanted change, but had no idea how to bring it about. The kid in front of him looked no older than Cloud and it took every bit of willpower to keep remembering what he was there for to make himself move his sword.

He sympathized with most of the ideals of these groups, as ShinRa had, over time, lost his trust. The only problem with the rebellions was that they were hardly better than ShinRa most of the time. The ideals were just that: ideals, that couldn’t be put into practice in any way that would succeed. They were the things that sounded great in theory, but when actually used, fell apart like so much wet paper.

As the body fell to the ground he turned and walked away, seeing Sephiroth’s figure in the distance easily.

\---

“Time for dinner! Thank gods because I’m starving!”

Sephiroth glanced over his shoulder at the lazily stretching Zack, hearing the other man’s muscles pop and groan with the force. He had done exceptionally well during their mission, despite the fact that both of them had found it extremely annoying. Then again, for Sephiroth, when anything dealt with scientists, he’d rather be found elsewhere. Hojo had instilled that dislike deep into his very bones and he often found it hard to be civil to the man whenever they happened to meet.

“Hey, I’m gonna go get Cloud and we’ll go down to Wall Market together for dinner!”

He raised his eyebrow at the enthusiasm. He shouldn’t have been even vaguely surprised, since Zack tended to be hyper rather than tired or lethargic after a mission. “The cadets should have already eaten by now and there are only a few minutes left before the curfew hits.”

“Yeah, but we’ve got the great General here! If he doesn’t mind Cloud sneaking out, then who’s gonna argue?”

Zack’s wheedling fell on deaf ears. “Go to bed, Zack. As a trainee, Cloud has a lot he has to do in the day and he’s probably exhausted as he is.”

Sephiroth ignored the crestfallen look of his companion with a not-so-surprising amount of indifference. The idea of going to see Cloud was not without merits, as he had developed a strange, faint fondness for the boy, but at this time of night, no doubt he was asleep.

“One of these days I will get you to come with me and we’ll bring Cloud, pick up Aeris, and actually have something called fun.” Zack’s grin was good-natured, proving his barb was only meant to make Sephiroth smile.

It worked…sort of. His grin was only partially there, only visible if one knew what to look for. It wasn’t that he begrudged his friend their presence and considering their rarity, Zack never took it for granted, but he disliked showing any sort of softness where Hojo could possibly see it.

“At least we don’t have to go on missions for awhile. Especially given what we had to do.”

Their last one had been to escort a scientist home, who had been a ‘friend’ of Hojo’s. It was probably how Sephiroth had been sent on such a measly assignment in the first place. After all, ShinRa never said no to its detestable but most brilliant scientist since Professor Gast when he requested something. And Hojo’s ‘friend’ was excessively paranoid and refused to leave his quarters unless he knew Sephiroth was in the ShinRa building.

He felt like a security blanket for some addle-brained and emotionally stunted scientist.

“You’re in a bad mood, I see. Why don’t you go see Cloud?” Zack suggested, after studying the increasing darkening of Sephiroth’s expression.

“Why does me being in a bad mood mean I have to go see Cloud?”

“Because you always seem happier when you do.”

That did surprise him. Perhaps even shocked him. Even more than being read so easily like that, even if it was Zack, but that it had taken Zack to point it out to realize he generally did. “Do I really?”

“Sorta. You get less frowning V-lines on your forehead.” Zack’s playful grin was as wide as always, especially when he found a way to get the rare upper hand with Sephiroth. “I’m beginning to wonder if you ain’t fallin’ in lurve!”

Zack laughed even while Sephiroth frowned. “Hardly. He’s a boy, a fourteen year old at that. He’s nothing more than…”

“Than a friend?”

His friend’s gentle voice finished his sentence for him, knowing how hard it was for Sephiroth to know he had gotten close to someone. He had never experienced closeness and many of the social feelings that ended up being a necessity in society and often had no ways of recognizing them when he had them.

“That makes two!”

“…Two?”

“Well, yeah! Cloud and me!”

“Who says you’re my friend?”

It had taken a long time for Zack to realize and pick out Sephiroth’s strange, hidden sense of humor. It was, sometimes, on the darker side, but the fact that it was still there nonetheless seemed to excite Zack. When Zack realized he was being teased, he laughed far harder than Sephiroth thought was absolutely necessary, but then again, that was Zack for you. Always overdoing things.

“Can’t wait to tell Cloud that tomorrow!”

“Tell him what tomorrow?”

“That, you know, you’re his friend and all that!”

Hidden in the darkness of the hallway where they weren’t being monitored, Sephiroth hit Zack upside the head. It only succeeded in making him laugh harder.  
\----

I've read a lot of FFVII and CloudxSephiroth fics lately and I have to say I'm a bit surprised at them. They're all really rather on the dark side. There doesn't seem to be a lot of 'good' things happening, it's always in the midst of a lot of angst. Wonder why?


	5. Chapter 5

The cafeteria, while stocked almost wall to wall with people, could not hide Zack. He’d been told numerous times in his life that it wasn’t because he was tall or built, but that his personality had created some larger-than-life, invisible aura that had people noticing him and he often used it to good advantage when he wanted to find someone. His earthy-brown eyes scanned the crowd, pushing good-naturedly past all kinds of recruits, grunts, and SOLDIERs alike. No one seemed to mind too much, as it was hard to actually dislike Zack and his million-gil smile.

He spotted what he was looking for fairly easily, though getting there was a bit on the difficult side. It wasn’t a wonder, to him, that Cloud had managed to find a spot among the crush of bodies. He’d seen it happen so many times; being small could be used to one’s full advantage in situations like this. What did change this time was that, rather than find a corner for himself out of shyness like Zack had always seen before, was that he seemed indifferent to the rest of those around him.

“There you are, Spike! Oops, sorry, Cloud,” he teased, dropping down to sit across from the trainee. Spike was, of course, his favorite nickname for Cloud, but he rarely used it these days, lest someone else start picking it up too and he was a bit on worried side of what Cloud might do if that happened.

After all, it seemed Zack was still the only one Cloud would allow that name from, which swelled the SOLDIER’s ego.

Blue eyes looked up from his lunch and a genuine smile lit the young features, though it did plummet his hopes a little. Still that edge of wariness in his gaze, even as it mixed with joy. Still that…age there, as if he weren’t teetering on edge from kid to teenager, but twice that. “Heya, Zack. How’d the mission go?”

Zack flicked his fingers to the side with a grin, indicating it was hardly worth talking about, in terms of effort. “Easy as eatin’ Aeris’ pie! It was overkill to send both me and Seph, but the guy insisted he had to be escorted by the General of ShinRa or he wouldn’t come at all.”

“So why did you have to go?”

“Guess Seph wanted someone else to join him in the misery of babysitting.”

Cloud laughed and for all the worry he held, Zack still delighted in the sound from his friend. Even before the sudden change, Cloud had just never laughed enough, as if he’d had no reason to. Nobody bothered listening to Zack when he tried to explain that laughter was the cure for just about anything. It was where one could let go all the stress and burdens didn’t seem as heavy as before.

“Got a surprise for you, but you have to answer a question first to get it,” he said spontaneously.

Cloud’s eyes became wary, and almost fearful, for a moment and Zack wondered what question his friend thought he was going to ask that would cause such a reaction. He hadn’t broached the subject of The Change, as he called it, because he knew Cloud was afraid of that and he had no want to make the trainee uncomfortable.

Zack wasn’t as oblivious as everyone said he was, but it sometimes it worked to his advantage for everyone to think that way, so he never bothered correcting anyone.

“What question?”

“Do you really love Seph?”

“He…told you about that?”

Zack nodded and his grin came back, forming quickly, when he watched red swirl on Cloud’s cheeks in consternation and embarrassment. “I can’t believe he told you!”

“Well, what did you expect him to do? You confused Seph more than I ever could, which you should get an award for by the way, and he knew that I knew you before. He wanted to know if you were serious.”

“What’d you tell him?”

The SOLDIER shrugged. “Told him that I didn’t know, but that you weren’t the practical joke type. After all, it’s the truth. That’s why I’m asking you, because I just can’t figure it out. You say you do, but you don’t ask for a date or anything, and yet I’ve seen how you watch him and it’s not exactly, um…shall we say, innocent.”

Cloud squirmed in his seat, picking at his food and no longer truly eating. Zack didn’t miss the extra calluses, more than his friend should have with just basic training, nor how he seemed twice as exhausted as the schedule would normally have him be. There was just something he was missing about this situation and he knew that if he could grasp what it was, that if Cloud opened up to him, everything would just make sense. But unlike before, Cloud didn’t tell him much anymore like he used to and that hurt.

“I…”

“ ‘I…’,” he prompted when nothing more was forthcoming and stole some of Cloud’s lunch that was growing cold on the tray, acting as if it wasn’t as important as Zack considered it truly was.

“I don’t want to talk about it here.”

His gaze flicked back up, on Cloud’s face as it turned away, and though he felt a flash of disappointment, he also seized his opening. This opening that he could use to his advantage, not only for this question, but also for all the worries that plagued him. “So you want to talk about it in a place you feel is safe?”

“Ideally, yeah.”

“All right then!”

Cloud looked back at him and Zack reveled in his bewildered look. Now that was the Cloud he knew, the one that was young and inexperienced and had no clue what was going on. The look that made him so cute, like a plushie, that he just had the urge to hug Cloud all up until he burst at the seams. “All right what?”

“Then let’s go.”

“Go where?”

“To the place you feel safe!”

Understanding kicked in and horror filled those deep sapphire eyes. Cloud may have learned to control what went across his face better, but Zack knew that even before then, if you really wanted to know what the trainee felt, all you had to do was look at his eyes. They told you everything you needed to know. “Zack, no…I’m eating lunch and I have class.”

Zack flicked part of what was supposed to be a chocolate brownie on Cloud’s plate into his mouth and stood up. “Come on, I’ve finally got you cornered and you said you’d talk somewhere safe. And I know you don’t have class today, the instructor got sick. So, come on or I drag you.” He flashed his patented grin that didn’t fail, even now, to make Cloud relax a little. “It’s not like I’m going to eat you or anything!”

For all the fact that Cloud followed him though, he trudged in such a way as if he were going to his own funeral. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be that bad, could it? He gently shoved his friend into his room, where they could talk in peace. ShinRa might monitor everything in the compound and buildings, but being a SOLDIER 1st did give you some privileges and that was without cameras and bugs in his room.

“So, talk. No one’s gonna overhear us here.”

Cloud sank onto a comfortable chair, and Zack felt the blue eyes on him as he lankily stretched out on his sofa, ready for a few hours chat. Despite his looks, he was good at interrogation and that was what he was planning on doing here. Not with whips and rods, but with gentle friendship he’d get the answers so he could help.

“I don’t…” Out of the corner of his eye, he watched his friend and how he licked his lips nervously, gaze casting about to land on anything he considered possibly not detrimental for his state of mind and nerves.

“You don’t what? Love Sephiroth?”

“No…”

“No what? No you don’t love him, or no you do love him?”

“Zack, you’re confusing the issue!” Cloud snapped, causing Zack to raise an eyebrow. “It’s not as simple as a yes or no answer!”

Ah, the meat the problem. Now all he had to do was work it out of the blonde. “Then what’s the answer?”

“The answer is, I don’t know!”

“Then why’d you say it?”

“Because I…” He didn’t miss the fact that Cloud was shaking slightly and Zack watched so closely, he swore he saw the wheels in his friend’s mind turning as he realized that the SOLDIER wasn’t going to let go and he had to say something. “Because I didn’t want him to leave.”

“Why not?”

Zack knew better than to elaborate on his question, adding possible suggestions that Cloud could take whether they were true or not. Cloud was smart, very smart, and whatever secret he had, he wanted to guard it so firmly that he’d lie to protect it. Well, perhaps not lie, at least not to Zack, but latch onto any partial truth and use that as cover so he wouldn’t have to explain anymore.

It was as if he had a mission, maybe to himself, that he had to use any and all means to complete successfully without being caught. What worried him the most about that, though, was if Cloud was willing to sacrifice even friendships for the sake of that goal, lying to those he trusted most.

“Sephiroth is…amazing, Zack. He’s simply amazing. Not just in battle, but with everything. All the strain he has to go through, all the responsibilities… he doesn’t break under the pressure, but somehow seems to thrive on it. He’s the kind of person that, even if he had completed something he set out to do and had concentrated on that for years, when it was done, he wouldn’t feel lost and without purpose anymore. He wouldn’t feel like he didn’t know what to do with his life anymore after that. Wouldn’t feel like he was stuck in place while everyone else moved on.”

Zack sat up just a little, trying not to move or distract Cloud from his fixed stare on the ground. Finally he’d gotten his friend to talk and he didn’t want to risk anything to have him clam up once more. The words, he understood them, but not the meaning behind them. He didn’t know where they were coming from, even if he did get the sense that this was about more than just Sephiroth. It was like Cloud was comparing himself to the general, which was not unusual, true, but not in the sense of battle or position, but self-worth. And yet not. It was all very confusing.

Zack felt like there was a coded message placed in front of him that had all the answers, but someone had forgotten to give him the key to decipher it.

“I won’t deny that I truly admire him and maybe I do love him, in a sense. Love him for what he is, what he’s done, how he can do anything and give hope to everyone else just by being in his presence. Is it romantic? I…I don’t think so. If you had asked me when I said it, I would have said no. Now I’m not so sure. Now I’m questioning.”

Zack’s eyes narrowed a bit, as the last sounded somewhat of a cop-out. Now he wasn’t so sure? It seemed as if he said it because he hoped that with such a standard response, he would accept it. And though he didn’t think his friend a liar, that maybe Cloud really was questioning a lot of stuff, he didn’t think that was the main issue. It was as if Cloud had realized what he was saying, all the truths, and tried to divert it, wrap up the ending, with a half-truth. Not a lie, but not fully candid either.

“Is that all?”

Cloud blinked and looked up at him in surprise. “What?”

With a sigh, Zack sat up entirely, bracing his elbows on his knees and his usual congenial expression fading to seriousness. “Everything you are, lately, is all wrapped up in Sephiroth. I can tell that clearly, seen how often you stare at him. But is that truly all it is? You can’t deny, either, that you occasionally flinch when you see him, or at some things he says, for no reason that I can see. You’ve never met him before in person until that day.”

“What day?”

“The day you fainted against him a few months ago.”

There it was again, the Wise Cloud, not young anymore. He was assessing the situation behind the blank and pasted on, faintly surprised look. It was almost as if he and Cloud were now the same age, the same rank, and they were playing some war strategy game, each trying to outwit the other. The problem with that was, the Cloud he had known, wouldn’t even know where to begin. This Cloud knew all the rules, all the steps, in the dance and could do them with ease.

No instructor would have taught him such a simple and unspoken art. That sort of thing only came with age and battle.

Zack finally decided to be blunt about it, to hope that amid that age and wariness, amid the plans that his friend had and his self-imposed mission, that their friendship would prevail. “Look, Spike, I know something happened to you that night. You’ve been different since then, in a lot of ways it would take me too long to explain, and I think you know those ways anyway. You’re going to worry me to death, here, if you don’t tell me what’s going on. I want to help, you obviously need it.”

For one dizzying second, the calculated expression faltered and he saw the insecurity, the worry, the sheer mental exhaustion Cloud was feeling. And in that moment, he swore that the invisible, almost unnoticeable barrier between them had fallen and he was about to hear all.

The moment passed and with it, his victory. “I’m sorry, Zack, but I can’t tell you. I can’t tell anyone, it’s something that depends on me alone. There’s no way I can burden you with this. And I’m afraid that even if I told you, you could never fully understand.” Cloud’s head shifted minutely all the while he was speaking to stare down at the floor and he whispered thickly, finally, “I’m sorry.”

He could hear the tears in the voice, see how they lingered at the edges of his friend’s eyes, but they weren’t shed. Hands were clenched into fists on his knees, arms locked at the elbows tightly, his whole body stiff with self-imposed control that he would not break. And though he really believed Cloud was sorry, it hurt a lot when he was denied that bond he had fought so hard to make before, during their friendship.

But Zack couldn’t ignore how obviously his friend was in pain and he stood up, only to kneel in front of the young trainee so he could look him in the eye. “All right, but please, Cloud. Promise me one thing: if it ever becomes too much, don’t be afraid to run to me. Run to me or Seph. We won’t push you away; we only want to help, if you can just let us in.” A weak grin appeared as he tried to joke, “I mean, what can stand up to a Zack’n’Seph combo attack?”

Cloud bit his lip hard, so hard he broke the skin, and the wetness across his eyes was more noticeable, but his cheeks remained dry as he breathed shallowly, pulling on some inner strength formed by hardship that had appeared in the split second that Zack hadn’t been protecting his friend. A faint smile tugged at Cloud’s lips at the joke, but the heaviness in the atmosphere didn’t lift very much. In fact, it seemed to deepen that much more.

Sighing in sadness, Zack rested his forehead on the younger boy’s knees, feeling a hesitant hand touch his head as he did so. He hated this, hated it! He hated being useless. He was so powerful, almost as powerful as Sephiroth, so he liked to think, and yet he was useless to do anything to help. Where and why Cloud got the idea he had to have the world on his shoulders all alone, Zack didn’t know, but whoever had planted that idea really needed to beaten to a pulp.

In the silence of his room, he swore to himself that he would unravel this problem and make it go away so that he could see his friend be happy again. Smile without a care, and above all, trust.


	6. Chapter 6

Cloud left Zack’s quarters with a heavy heart and frayed nerves. He hadn’t expected to be put on the spot like that with everything. The word stressful didn’t even begin to cover it and he wearily made his way back to his own little cubical room to get a nap. He’d done nothing more than sit there, but he felt as if he’d ran ten miles at full speed, being chased by a dozen evil Sephiroths.

He knew Zack meant well, but he couldn’t tell him. How could he tell Zack that his mind was, in fact, twenty-three years old and came from a possible future? How he could tell the man that his best friend had gone insane, burned down Nibelheim, tried to kill him, and almost destroyed the planet? Tell Zack that Sephiroth had killed his beloved Aeris? He couldn’t, just couldn’t. 

That future, the knowledge of what happened, was his own burden to carry. He knew that it would never happen again in that specific way, knew that should Sephiroth go insane again that though the end result might be the same, the journey there would be twice as hard. He knew this, but he still held the memory of where he had come from in the forefront of his mind as a reminder not to fail. As a reminder that if he had thought that was bad, it would be so much worse this time.

There was no room for failure. He could not be distracted. He _had to_ get into SOLDIER and this time, he thought he could make it. He would do everything he could to make it.

Because things were different now. Now he knew Sephiroth and could have a dim glimpse of the pain Zack must have gone through in his heart when he had seen the General go insane. At the time, he had thought it was painful, how Sephiroth had once been his idol, but he had never really _known_ him personally. The betrayal had not run nearly as deep in him as he had thought, as it would have for Zack. Now, he knew the man behind the legend.

He knew the half-smiles that legend wore when he was amused; the hint of humor lurking beneath the surface of his mouth; the perfect warrior that was just a bit clumsy on the social side; the awkward caring hidden beneath a cool exterior. He was seeing more and more of the person named Sephiroth, rather than just the idealized and far away General.

Cloud could not lose such a man like him. He truly was a leader, a powerful one. He was a…good man. The world needed someone like him, someone like who he was right now. Someone confident, someone who wouldn’t accept defeat, someone who could and would protect even if he might seem intimidating.

Things were changing, he knew this. It wasn’t as if he was psychic or had any given ability to know, but he just did, at least in himself. There had been a point shortly after this had all started that he wondered if he could ever stop the instinctive reactions, the urges to run for his sword, the confusion, but they were fading. More disturbingly, so were some of his memories of what had transpired. It wasn’t as if he were forgetting them, and some of the more potent were still like fire in his mind, but other things that happened were losing some of their clarity and details, becoming foggy in his memory as new things were pushing them back.

He frowned as he stepped through the door into his room. It was no wonder Zack finally called him on it today. He was so busy trying to just keep up with everything, do everything at once, that it was obvious that he had no time to enjoy anything. He glanced at his closet where his sword was, but decided it was better to catch up on some much needed sleep. If he didn’t, he’d start getting dark circles under his eyes and then it would be really noticeable that something was wrong.

-0-0-0-

“Come on, Seph!”

“No.”

“What’s the harm? It’s not like there’s anything _here_ that can’t be done some other time.”

“What part of ‘no’ do you not understand?”

“…”

“Your ‘puppy eyes’ are not working on me. Turn them on your girlfriend.”

“Love to, Seph, if you’d just come with me!”

“I’m busy.”

“If for no other reason, be a chaperone for Cloud.”

Sephiroth sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose at Zack’s continued wheedling. Tomorrow was one of the few universal days off in ShinRa, owing to some-such nonsense as the President’s birthday or something. He couldn’t truly remember why, only that he got a chance to spend locking himself up in his room and relaxing. To avoid the insanity and verbal sniping of those around him; to dodge the incessant whispers and hideously clumsy recruits; to ignore the insistent messages of Hojo’s to come down to the lab.

“Zack. Tomorrow is a rare day off. _Why_ would I want to come with you when you go visit your girlfriend?”

Zack leaned over his desk to annoyingly invade his personal space, snatching up papers Sephiroth had been working on finishing, much to his irritation. “Because I want you to meet her, you and Cloud. She’s been insisting on it, since I talk about you guys so much.”

“Zack, why on earth would you talk to your girlfriend about your superior officer and junior recruit so much that she would wish to meet them?”

Of course, this question prompted Zack to go into an overload of theatrics and Sephiroth wished he’d kept his mouth shut. “Because that superior officer, aka _you_ and junior recruit, aka _Cloud_ , are my friends. And friends meet girlfriends!”

“Have you even discussed this with Cloud first before trying to drag me into this war zone?”

“Aeris’ house is hardly a war zone.”

The silver-haired man frowned. “You didn’t answer my question. You didn’t ask him yet, did you? You’re making plans for him without consulting him, when he could have other things set in place.”

“Come on, Seph! This is Cloud we’re talking about here. He’ll probably just shut himself up in his room, like someone _else_ I know here I might add, and read or something. You both need a break and Aeris wants to meet you, and for once, all three of us are off at the same time!”

Sephiroth knew that look in Zack’s eyes very well, which meant that unless he wanted to hear about this all day long in as high pitched voice as his second in command could do, he’d best give in. It went against the grain and he really didn’t want to go anywhere, but Zack knew all the right, or wrong depending on who’s side you were on, buttons to push.

“Fine, but only if Cloud agrees to go.” Zack gave him a long, insinuating look and he sent a blistering glare right back, as he had a very good idea what that stare was meant to say. “…What?”

“So long as _Cloud_ agrees to come? Didn’t know you had it that bad for him.”

“Wipe that grin off your face before I do it for you,” he snapped, but Zack only smiled wider, as if he knew Sephiroth wouldn’t actually kill him just then. “I refuse to be the only one uncomfortable in this meeting.”

“Hmm, wouldn’t that make it a double-date though? Fun!”

“Zack! Are you even listening to me?” he demanded, but considering that Zack was almost literally _skipping_ out of his office, he would wager the answer to that would be ‘no’.

_Planet help me, what did I just agree to exactly?_

And no matter how Sephiroth fervently hoped Cloud would have more success in denying Zack than he had, he found himself standing next to said cadet outside a two-story house surrounded by flowers in the Sector Five slums. Apparently Cloud had been informed of Sephiroth’s condition and he shifted his weight a little too often to be called anything other than ‘fidgeting’.

“Sorry, sir,” he muttered under his breath. “I tried to say no…”

“No need for apologies,” Sephiroth replied with an inward sigh. “I’d hoped you might have more success at resisting him than I, but I didn’t really expect it.”

If he wasn’t mistaken, the sound he heard was close to a chuckle and glanced down at Cloud at the corner of his eye. A secret smile touched his mouth and he stared off to the side, eyes not quite focused on anything, and Sephiroth would have given anything at that moment to know what it was he was thinking. He still was nowhere near close to unraveling the mystery of the young man and it was very much like quicksand. He was no closer to the core that held all the answers, but he could no longer find his way back.

“Zack!”

An enthusiastic voice made him look up, but by the time he’d located the window it had come from, the girl was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t have much longer to wait though, for a moment later, the door was thrown open and a blur of pink attached itself to his second-in-command’s chest. It was a wonder that the poor girl’s ribs weren’t broken, seeing as how hard Zack was hugging her.

“Heya, Aeris, I brought you a surprise! The one frowning and looking like his dog just died is Sephiroth and the one with blond, chocobo-like spikes is Cloud.”

‘Aeris’ was a lively girl. Her green eyes were vibrant and she wore a pale pink, button down dress and practical, brown boots. And though he’d never thought brown was pretty before, her hair color was the right shade between earthy and auburn. The ribbon in her hair matched her dress, and she studied him with the thoroughness of a general, though with nothing other than interest in her eyes.

“So _you’re_ the amazing duo! When Zack talks about ShinRa at all, you two are the only ones he talks about.”

“So what do you think about a double-date?”

Her eyes went wide as she turned back to her boyfriend and seeing the slow gleefulness that was overtaking her features, Sephiroth could only hurry to set the record straight before something terrible happened that made him wish he were still on the frontlines of Wutai. “There will be no double-date, as the only couple here are you two.”

“Really? That’s a bit surprising.”

Sephiroth tilted his head just a little, green eyes narrowing in thought. “And why would you say that?”

Her gaze glanced between him and Cloud, who had somehow edged nearer and behind the bigger man at the scheming of the couple. “Call it woman’s intuition. It’s never wrong, you know.”

Somehow, he was getting a very bad feeling about the rest of his day.  



	7. Chapter 7

It was probably one of the hardest days of Cloud’s life, to accompany Zack, Sephiroth, and Aeris through the slums. He barely registered where they were going or what they were doing, only managing to give the most minimal of answers when asked a question. He was quite willing to let Sephiroth take the lead from their stance in the group. Though he’d anticipated that this was going to be hard when he finally gave in to Zack’s pestering, he didn’t have any clue how hard.

Aeris was as beautiful now as ever in his memories. He could see the life shining in her eyes so brightly that it was like sun and she was likely thinking about nothing more than her flowers and Zack. The dress was the same, the ribbon the same, the voice…That voice still haunted his thoughts, surrounding him with comfort but also well-known guilt at his inability to save her.

And yet for all the pain that he had over what he had failed to prevent, seeing her like this had managed to bolster his determination like nothing else could. Her and Zack…he loved them dearly, they were the people he was closest to in his whole life. This time he would not fail. They would not lose their happiness together; he’d give his life to protect it this time, because they deserved that much after what they had done for him.

Nobody seemed to notice his quiet preoccupation and for that he was grateful. He never would have thought he could be this quiet, but then, until he’d been sent to the past, he’d never thought a lot of things he was capable of. Battling Sephiroth so many times had tested his limits, but in battle. This ‘mission’ was testing not his determination, but his ruthlessness to complete it. What he would and wouldn’t do to see the ending he wanted.

A jog at his elbow made him blink and look up. Sephiroth gave the impression of being extremely put-upon, though his expression wasn’t that much different from normal. He glanced significantly at Zack and Cloud followed his gaze, noting the two lovebirds were in their own little world for a few precious moments. They’d dropped back quite a bit from the two, and though Sephiroth could never really “blend in”, they weren’t being noticed as much.

He didn’t understand what Sephiroth had planned for him to do, exactly, until he was quietly being dragged away, falling further and further back from the strolling couple, and darted into the shadows of two ramshackle buildings before it could be noticed.

“You were so lost in thought that I didn’t think I could get your attention in time to slip away. Of course, I could have left you there, but that would have been unnecessarily cruel.”

Cloud nearly chuckled at the dry humor, something he was sure only Zack had ever had the pleasure of hearing before. “Considering how Zack was so busy fawning over Aeris, I don’t think he’ll notice we’re gone for awhile, sir.”

“I would doubt that, but there should be enough lapse for us to get a safe distance away,” Sephiroth replied, heading down deeper into the tiny alleyway, only to come out on the other side amid stores. For a second he wasn’t quite sure where they were until he recognized Wall Market. The last time he had seen it…so long ago now, and it, like the rest of Midgar, had been complete wreckage.

“Are you going to head back to the barracks, sir?”

Sephiroth glanced around and finally shrugged. “It was the plan originally, but I wonder if that’s the first place Zack is going to look when he finds us gone and I’d rather not have to replace my door from his incessant pounding.”

He tilted his head to the side and finally got the courage up enough to ask, “Zack says the two of you are friends, but it always seems like you’re…”

“Like I’m insulting him?” Sephiroth shrugged, thankfully not taking offense to his question. Perhaps it was being too critical of the man, but everyone in ShinRa was well aware of how much the General valued his privacy above all else. “He’s a fine SOLDIER and a good person and one of…few people that I have come to rely on when I absolutely need it. But that doesn’t deny the fact that he can be relentlessly persistent and annoying when the mood takes him. For all that I am fond of him, he does irritate and annoy me to an unhealthy degree sometimes.”

The silver-haired man picked a direction and out of instinct, Cloud followed behind him. Whether that was an instinct of now as a commanding officer and perhaps friend, or an instinct of a future not come to pass where he had followed wherever Sephiroth had ended up to fight him, he wasn’t sure.

“Are you planning on taking the SOLDIER exams three months from now?”

Cloud looked up and met Sephiroth’s gaze with his own guarded one. He didn’t want his thoughts to be so easy to read, nor let this man have any guess as to what he knew. Granted, it was so far-fetched, no one in their right mind would ever guess the great General went insane, but the ‘great General’ was not an ordinary person. Disregarding his JENOVA cells, his intensive training, the tests performed on him, Sephiroth had a keen mind, one that didn’t miss much, if anything at all.

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re barely the age to pass. I’m not even sure how you got into ShinRa in the first place.”

“I’m from Nibelheim. There aren’t many things to tempt people to leave there, so I guess when ShinRa decided on their strategy for getting anyone to come here was not to mention the age issue.”

“Even so…” Sephiroth shot him a skeptical look, but didn’t pursue it. In truth, Cloud didn’t remember how he got into SOLDIER, being as young as he was. He had too many things he had to keep in mind as it was, and it wasn’t that necessary for him to know how he got where he was at, as it was to know where he was going and how he was getting there. 

Perhaps from an urge to defend his decision, Cloud found himself explaining more than he would like. “It took a long time to get to be even considered a candidate for the exam itself. If I don’t take it in three months, then what would be the point of it all?”

“There are later times than in just three months.”

“Yes, but,” he argued passionately, “that’s nearly ten months _after_ the three months and that’s not accounting for any scheduling changes. I don’t know what’ll happen in the future, or if I’ll get bumped somewhere along the line from the candidates back to the regular army and I’ll never get back in. I’d rather take the chance I get in three months than play the safe route and risk losing it all.”

“Even if you can’t do it?”

Cloud frowned at the question, but it was said with no inflection whatsoever and Sephiroth’s eyes were staring straight ahead, taking a path through the districts in a slow, methodical way back to ShinRa while leaving time for Zack to give up pounding at their doors and leave so they would have peace. “What, sir?”

“There is no denying that your instructors speak well of you, most of your subjects at any rate. And there is no denying that you do appear gifted in many respects. You outshine most of your classmates. However, I haven’t seen anything that would tell me you have real talent when put to the test. The exams are not like the training in the classrooms. Part of it is written, yes, but the rest of it is fighting, both in controlled conditions and out in the wilderness with difficult monsters and no backup to help you. Rigorous does not even begin to describe it and it is as much a mental battle as it is physical. ShinRa only wants the best of the best and if you aren’t that, they have no use for you and could care less whether you live or die. Are you willing to risk it knowing you could die in the process, from sheer exhaustion if nothing else?”

Though he held his tongue, he desperately wanted to say that he knew what it was like, had already done it, but he couldn’t. He had the stand there and act like a dumb, green but passionate recruit and maintain that silence. “Then can I show you, sir?”

“Show me what?”

Cloud had been so absorbed in their conversation that he hadn’t noticed how quickly they had ended up traveling and the doors to ShinRa were fast approaching. “Show you that I can do it, that it’s not just dumb luck that I’ve made it this far.”

Sephiroth finally looked at him again and though he seemed noncommittal, he was also vaguely interested. “Very well,” he replied, after a silence that seemed to last an eternity. “Next Saturday in the afternoon, meet me in the cafeteria and we will go to the gym and we will see.”

It was only when he was standing there by himself, Sephiroth having continued on into the building, that he realized what his hot-headedness had gotten him into once again. The first time, he’d said ‘I love you’; now the second was a fight that he had no doubt he’d lose with this body. 

He felt like banging his head against a wall repeatedly. “What am I going to do with you?” he muttered to his brain and with a sigh, trudged through the doors back into ShinRa’s oppressive hell.

-0-0-0-0-0-

“AH HA!”

Cloud groaned as Zack got up from the floor and watched as he slid his keycard through the swipe and entered into his room. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend? In fact, shouldn’t you have already been here and gone by now?”

Zack gave a hearty laugh and dropped down to sit on Cloud’s bed. “That means you followed Seph’s logic then. He wouldn’t hurry, hoping I’d be hotheaded enough to run ahead as soon as I noticed you were gone. But you see, I know how Seph thinks and I knew that was what he’d do, so I merely waited a bit more and then came back to give _you two_ time to return. Had good timing too, I was only waiting there two minutes or so.”

Cloud gave him a look, and couldn’t decide whether he was amused or irritated. “I think everybody underestimates you a lot, Zack.”

“You’re finally noticing!” the SOLDIER crowed with a huge grin. “As for Aeris, I let her know. I’m not oblivious; I knew the moment you two left. I decided to pick you first and then I’ll go bug Seph after. After all, if I don’t give him at least five minutes to himself, I’ll get far too acquainted to the Masamune than I ever want to be.”

For a moment there was silence before Zack, a ball of energy confined in a human body, was on his feet again and bouncing around the room. “Well, what did you think?”

“Of what?” he replied, grabbing a book from the bookshelf and dropping down to sit on his bed to read it.

Zack immediately snatched it from him and sat on Cloud’s knees, effectively pinning the boy from leaving until his ‘interrogation’ was over. “Of what, he asks. Of Aeris, of course! She liked the two of you of a lot, you know.”

His mind went blank for a second that felt like an eternity before he could force his closed throat to move. “I think she’s a very nice girl, Zack. You two are made for each other, in fact, given that she understands and even encourages your evil sense of humor.”

Once again he was treated to Zack’s laugh and it felt like he could drown in it. Before he’d come back to this past, when was the last time he’d heard a laugh like that? Free and clear, with no cares, like none of the bad things that ever happened could touch him. As if that laugh were armor to ward away even the most potent of blows and remain intact after. 

The depressing truth was, Cloud didn’t think he’d heard a laugh like that since Zack died, from himself or from anyone else, except for perhaps Aeris.

“Come on, Spike, you got to laugh more!” It was as if Zack had read his mind, but his common sense told him he probably just saw the thought in his face. He kept his blue eyes away from looking at Zack’s face, because he knew that if he didn't, he’d see that seriousness in the violet gaze, the sadness that he wouldn’t confide in his friend, the hurt that he couldn’t help with whatever bothered Cloud. And if he saw that, he wasn’t sure he could say no a second time. It had taken a lot, a helluva lot, to keep his mouth shut the first time Zack had asked and he didn’t know if he could test his courage to say no again.

“So?”

“So what, Zack?”

“So what did you and Seph talk about when you two were alone? Anything about the state of current affairs?”

Cloud blinked, looking at his superior in confusion. State of current affairs? “Well, not really. I don’t think he’d be interested to know what goes on in my classes—”

Before he’d even finished, Zack was waving his hand and dismissing what he’d been about to say with an airy gesture. “Not _that_ state of affairs! _Affairs!_ You know, dating and that kind of stuff!”

He could feel the blush go all the way up his neck to his ears and cheeks and he shoved the man hard onto the floor. “ _Zack!_ Would you stop asking me about that?!”

“What are you so embarrassed for?” Zack asked with a chuckle, but didn’t get up from the floor and trying to fend off being beaten to death with a pillow. “You already confessed your love and Seph said okay, right? So when, oh _when_ , are you two going to go on a date? I hate to tell you, Spike, but if you’re waiting for Seph to ask you, you’re never gonna hear it. You have to take the bull by the horns if you want to get anywhere with that man!”

“Zaaack,” he said warningly, and held up the pillow threateningly, but it only appeared to make his friend laugh so hard he had tears in his eyes and could barely remain sitting up.

“I only want to see you two happy and frankly, Seph needs to start dating anyway,” was finally the halfway serious reply he got when Zack finally calmed down. 

“I know you do, Zack, but frankly…” Cloud slumped back down onto the bed from his kneeling position and bit his lip. His answer seemed to intrigue his friend, who leaned forward and poked his knee when he didn’t continue immediately. And continued poking for every second gone by filled only with silence. He shot Zack an annoyed look, which was only met with an unrepentant grin. “I just don’t know why he even said yes to begin with. I mean, it’s _obvious_ he doesn’t have any romantic feelings, especially at that time, since it was the first time he’d met me. So why did he agree?”

Zack seemed to mull it over for a bit, picking at the sheets underneath his hands as he leaned against the bed. “I’m gonna tell you the same answer I told Seph when he asked me if you were serious: I don’t know. I may be as awesome as the sunrise, but I’m not psychic by any means. I only know what you guys let me see and what I work out. Maybe, and I’m only guessing here, he said yes ‘cause he thought you were joking and was trying to beat you at your own game? I really don’t know, but I think it’s a good idea. The two of you are a lot alike and yet completely different in a lot of ways. You’d be good for each other.

“However, if either of you wants to really know the other for sure, and find out the answers to the questions you have, you can’t just _sit here_ and do nothing.” Zack sighed a bit and stood up, dusting off his pants. “Both of you don’t act enough. You always sit back and analyze to bits before taking the slightest step forward. You need to sometimes just _do_ something you’re not sure of instead of playing it safe all the time.” His trademark grin came back in full force and he headed for the door. “See ya, Cloud. Time to go bug Seph until he nearly kills me!”

Cloud watched him go in silence, trying to ignore the truth of Zack’s words and knowing he couldn’t. He had determined to himself that he was going to do everything possible to prevent Sephiroth from going insane again, but he’d been doing it from Zack’s position, from a friend’s position, in the General’s life. Unlike Zack, he had another avenue open that he could explore, tackle from that angle, but the mere thought of actually acting upon those hotheaded words and dating the man caused him to blush and nearly freeze up at the same time.

And yet, if he chose to ignore the path and he couldn’t stop the insanity from claiming his mentor, he’d always wonder if the road not taken would have been the one prevent it all. He chewed on his lip, staring at the book in his hands but not really seeing it. He could do it; Sephiroth was _hardly_ anything less than stellar in the looks department and he did admire and like the man as a person…

Well, even if he couldn’t ignore this option, he could certainly ignore the faint feeling of thrill that went down his spine at the thought of actually dating the most perfect being on the planet. To date…the man in his memories.

Unconsciously, he began to smile.  



	8. Chapter 8

“Zack. Five minutes.”

“On the dot.”

“…Your punctuality is only remarkable when you have chosen the wrong place to use it.”

Zack only grinned and wormed his way under Sephiroth’s arm and into the apartment his friend and superior had as his own. Even if 1st class SOLDIERs got luxurious accommodations compared to the rest of the army, it was absolutely nothing compared to this. ShinRa gave absolutely everything they could at the drop of the hat for their precious, five-star General to make sure he was happy. State of the art technology; a kitchen about the half the size of the cafeteria; a bedroom that would put the president’s to shame; lights and furniture of all different shapes, sizes, and strengths. They’d even given him his own private workroom with weights and all sorts of things specifically designed for his strength alone.

Sephiroth never used even half of what he had.

His general didn’t know how to cook, as that wasn’t something necessary to warfare, and the recreational items were rarely used since Sephiroth was hardly home at any decent hour. And only one chair did Sephiroth ever grace with his presence and not even Zack had ever been allowed to put his butt there to find out what was so special about it that made Sephiroth like it so.

“What are you doing here?”

“Bugging you, what else? You and Cloud left and you thought I didn’t notice. I’m hurt!” he teased, looking over his shoulder at his frowning friend. Only in his apartment did Sephiroth don anything other than his customary leathers and his favorite kind of shirts tended to be soft, long-sleeved turtlenecks, usually in the somber colors of dark navy blue or black. Today was black, to match a corresponding pair of soft pants that weren’t really sweats, but they weren’t slacks either.

“I went. I saw Ms. Gainsborough. I didn’t see any other reason to remain around and isn’t it customary for the ‘extra wheels’ to leave when a couple is out on a date?”

Zack frowned as Sephiroth moved back to his favorite chair placed right at the side of the glass wall that looked down over the whole complex of ShinRa. To be brutally honest, Zack had never been fond of heights in any way, shape, or form and though he didn’t fear them, he certainly wasn’t comfortable next to that fragile glass that seemed it would break if he so much as tapped it with one finger.

“You two will never be extra wheels, you know. I wanted you two to have fun too and Aeris is great fun! She knows all the best places, especially those that haven’t been found by ShinRa. Little pockets in Midgar where stuff grows and you can have wholesome entertainment. Plus, she’s a great cook.”

Sephiroth sighed and though he opened the book he’d been reading before Zack had invaded, his eyes didn’t seem to be moving over the words, so Zack knew that he still had all of Sephiroth’s attention. It wasn’t easy to pick out these tiny nuances of his friend, and he always prided himself when he did. Not because it was some sort of prestige to know them, but that he was happy Sephiroth trusted him enough to show him. He was sure that Sephiroth had never once let anything show around someone like Hojo.

“I would prefer to stay in my apartment and read in silence. This is something that I would consider fun, though I do realize that you, who I am convinced was injected not with mako but pure sugar, don’t sit very well or be quiet very well at all.”

He laughed and sat across from Sephiroth, firmly not looking out the window like his friend was so happy to do. “So.”

Sephiroth had never actually, to his knowledge, ever said the words ‘So what’ in reply to something like that, but Zack could practically hear it in the silence and the turning of a page.

Really, Sephiroth needed to have _something_ in this apartment that made noise, because it would drive Zack mad if he had to live here with all that silence.

“What’s up with you and Spike?”

The subject of Cloud, as always, caused Sephiroth to look up. Zack wasn’t sure his superior even knew he was doing it. Wasn’t sure he knew the way his cat-like, emerald eyes focused with sudden concentration. _Probably not. In some ways, he’s just as bad as Cloud is and yet he’s also completely different. Cloud may not act on them, but he at least knows what he’s doing. Sephiroth probably has no clue that he’s gotten really fond of Cloud. Or…at least I **hope** he’s fond of Cloud._

“The question is quite vague, Zack. Could you be more specific?”

Zack considered the taller man for a long moment, weighing the chances of his continued good health versus actually asking a very loaded question. True, he could dodge a Bolt3 with fantastic reflexes, but that wasn’t what he was concerned about. He was more concerned about lasting effects of an emotional nature.

“Well, he asked you out. You said yes. And yet you two haven’t gone on one single date or acted like you’re actually lovers.”

“That is because we aren’t. Nothing physically—”

“Lovers isn’t just a term to describe physical things between people. It also means emotional intimacy.”

“…Does this mean we are lovers?”

For once, that stumped Zack and he only stared at his commander, who seemed to think his question was entirely reasonable. “Uh…Seph…Love ya too and all that, but we are _not_ lovers. We’re friends.”

“You described lovers as also being emotionally intimate. We are very close, emotionally intimate, you might say. Does that not make us lovers then?”

“Totally different thing. We’re _friends_ , best friends, so naturally we’re emotionally close. We talk to each other a lot. Emotionally intimate with someone of a romantic nature is entirely different. It means you can talk to them about stuff you can’t talk to me about and we talk about stuff that you maybe can’t talk to them about. That sort of thing.”

Sephiroth frowned a little and looked out the window at the whole of the ShinRa complex below. It showed the barracks, training centers, cafeteria; all the buildings of ShinRa that dealt in even some miniscule way with the military. No matter what, he thought with irony, Sephiroth would always know what was going on with those under him. All he had to do was look out that glass-wall-window.

“Look, Seph, are you interested in Cloud in a romantic way at all? You said you’d go out with him, and yet you haven’t made the first move.”

“I’m still not convinced that he meant it in a romantic fashion.”

“Then why did you say yes?”

There was a puzzled look on his commander’s face and Zack guessed that he’d probably pointed something out to Sephiroth that he hadn’t actually had time to consider. “I’m…not sure. At the time, I wanted to see how he would react.”

“And now?”

“I don’t know. He’s a mystery, one that I find irresistible. I want to figure it out. You know I’ve always had a weakness for mysteries. I don’t understand him and I want to.”

“Then go on a date with him. Give Cloud a chance! You’re not going to find out what you want to know just by being his friend like I am. There are just some things that can’t be said to a friend, no matter how close, and maybe he’s waiting for that. Maybe he’s as unsure of your feelings about dating you as you are about his.” He paused, pursing his lips and leaning back in his chair. “During the war, you were praised for your ‘innovative strategy’ and ‘forceful moves’. And yet, right now with Cloud, it’s like you’re hesitating. I’ve never seen you hesitate on anything before.”

“I’m not hesitating.”

“Then how do you describe the fact that you still haven’t moved the relationship past friendship?”

For a long time, there wasn’t anything more said and Zack only sat there and watched his friend.

-0-0-0-

_Apparently I wasn’t the only one Zack got to. I’m not sure whether to kill him or promote him. I’m definitely glad that he is not my enemy._

“Sir? If it’s not a good time for that—”

“Are you asking me out on a…date?”

Cloud shifted uncomfortably. “Well, Zack came to see me yesterday after that trip out with him and his girlfriend and said that I’d be waiting forever for you to ask me, so…” With a surge of courage, he straightened his shoulders. “Yes, I was.”

Sephiroth looked back at the pass that Zack had issued that allowed Cloud to get all the way up to his office without getting stopped and inwardly sighed in both relief and frustration. The computer screen at his left still showed him his schedule for the recent future in a placid way, as if it didn’t care that he was quite irritated with it, regardless of the fact that it wasn’t at fault.

“I must give you my apologies, Cloud, but I won’t be free for the next two weeks, neither for a date or our match. I’m being sent out to North Corel and then down to Costa Del Sol before returning.”

Cloud’s youthful face fell a little and he could see that he was obviously upset about it. Frowning a bit, he tried to come up with alternate solutions, but was coming up with nothing. It was either tonight, or wait for the next two weeks. They couldn’t have a match that night, there was no time to set it up and he didn’t wish to have an audience for something like this. He feared it might distract Cloud and that wouldn’t be a good way to determine his true ability and whether he could make it into SOLDIER.

“If I can offer a compromise,” he finally said, tapping on his keyboard and closing out his calendar. He’d almost swear those slightly drooping spikes of hair became lively again and interest flashed in the blue eyes that met his. “I have to pack for my trip and there is no time for the match, but if you meet me at my quarters tonight, we can spend a few hours talking. It’s the closest I can come to a…date for the next two weeks.”

He could see Cloud thinking it over. Honestly, he found it a bit unexpected that the cadet didn’t just jump at the chance, but he supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised. Cloud wasn’t someone who, _usually_ was impulsive. In fact, the only time that Cloud had ever given him the impression of being impulsive had been in the medical bay. He thought of every single angle before making a decision and Sephiroth commended that.

If only that could rub off onto his Lieutenant. If only.

“I don’t know if I can make it to your quarters without clearances, sir, but I’d like to, if it’s all right with you.” 

Sephiroth stared at the somewhat impish smile that had come over Cloud’s face and he seemed genuinely happy about the compromise. He couldn’t remember any time, notwithstanding Zack, that anyone had ever been happy about just talking to him when it couldn’t truly benefit them in some way. He almost smiled, probably would have if the hidden cameras in his office weren’t there. They were already recording his invitation to the cadet, no need to give it more ammunition and show just how… _fond_ he was Cloud.

“I’ll take care of the details and pass it on to Zack to give to you later today. I’m…looking forward to it.”

In a single instant that he swore lasted almost a year, something old and painful passed over Cloud’s blue eyes. He had seen the expression there before, especially during their trip out with Zack and his girlfriend, but this time it had changed somewhat. There was something new amid the oldness and hurt: hope.

What Cloud was actually hoping for, he didn’t know, but Sephiroth felt a sense of satisfaction anyway. Could he be one step closer to the mystery?


	9. Chapter 9

Though Cloud was the first to admit that he was rather excessively paranoid, he would swear there were more Turks around than before. He couldn’t prove it, nor could he actually prove that they were there watching him. They never looked at him, they were just themselves, but there seemed to be more in the corridors than he was used to.

Or it could be his paranoia talking again.

If he was right though, he knew why he might be watched. ShinRa was, if possible, even more paranoid than himself. They had security cameras everywhere and had security cameras watching the security cameras practically. They surely would have noticed _by now_ that Sephiroth had finally taken an interest in someone other than Zack Fair. 

Or not. There had to be over a hundred cameras, maybe twice that, in the whole building. He couldn’t imagine someone being physically able to watch all those monitors for twenty-four hours and spot everything going on. Even Sephiroth couldn’t do it. Maybe nobody was even paying attention and no one knew about his sudden invitation to the General’s apartment. 

And maybe Hojo would grow a heart and kill himself to spare humanity. ShinRa wasn’t stupid. They liked their power and what kept them in power was their General. He would be surprised if they didn’t know everything the tall man did.

That then begged the question of why he wasn’t interrogated. Maybe they knew, but didn’t dare interfere? Sephiroth wouldn’t put up with that and they wanted to keep the man happy. So what did one do to make sure they kept their General from anyone gaining influence over him and yet not meddle too much and risk the wrath of said General?

Watch the new variable like a hawk, that’s what. Cloud knew that it wasn’t because he was special. He was sure that they had done the same thing when Zack had become Sephiroth’s friend and most likely had tried to interfere and had been figuratively back-slapped by their prize war machine. Unlike the ranks themselves, the ShinRa brass didn’t care if Cloud was a lowly recruit. They had no concept of favoritism when it came to Sephiroth, so long as they didn’t lose him.

Of course, there was no way to prove any of his conjectures, but Cloud’s twenty-three year old mind was pretty sure that’s what it was. And who better to watch than their precious Turks, trained for subtlety? ShinRa didn’t skimp on their weapons: SOLDIER for up-front combat and Turks for silent assassinations and things that didn’t need to be shown on the news. 

He had to admit that the Turks were good at what they did. If he hadn’t been as paranoid as he was, he wouldn’t have even noticed the slight extra and they’d done it so gradually over the last few weeks that he didn’t even detect the change until after he’d left Sephiroth’s office. 

Over the last few months since he’d been ‘sent back’, Cloud had learned one very important rule: Decide what’s most important. Which meant when he saw something like this, he asked himself could he do anything about it? Not really. And since he couldn’t, there was no point in worrying about it. He had enough to do as it was, without adding more to his plate than he already had. Instead, he looked forward to spending more time with Sephiroth that night, even if he doubted they’d have a lot of time.

-0-0-0-

_“Don’t worry Cloud. So long as you don’t sit in Seph’s Favorite Chair, you’ll be fine. No close encounters with Masamune, no death glares, no saluting. Come on, he’s trusting you enough to let you into his home, even if it is in the ShinRa building, so he’s obviously not going to kill you for doing something stupid.”_

Zack’s reassurances weren’t as reassuring as he thought, but Cloud clung to them with all the strength of will he had. Now that he was actually outside Sephiroth’s door, he was having second thoughts. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Actually, no. It had seemed like a _great_ idea at the time, get in as much time with the general as he could and hope it would change things.

But like all things of this nature, when the time came, it seemed like the exact opposite of a great idea.

The idea of going back, however, was even less appealing. Given the suspicious and incredulous stares he’d gotten from the guards he’d passed and the card that had been scanned repeatedly to let him pass on to the higher, VIP floor, he knew they’d think that Sephiroth had kicked him out and that would destroy what little ego he had left. 

So he persevered and knocked on the door.

If he had expected to wait long, which he hadn’t, he would have been surprised at how promptly the door had been opened. He didn’t have any time to think that Sephiroth had been waiting just for him, since the items under his arms were clearly going to be packed into a small duffel bag. The door must have been on the man’s way.

Cloud blinked when he realized that Sephiroth’s eyes were cataloguing him and he looked down to see why. He had chosen to forgo his military uniform, in hopes that it might, just a little, ease the atmosphere for himself. He didn’t think it would mean much to Sephiroth, who was always ‘on duty’, but it would be a reminder to himself that he wouldn’t have to salute to everything the general said in his presence.

“Come in.”

“Almost finished packing, sir?” he asked as he came in and let the door whoosh close behind him, feeling remarkably proud of himself for keeping a straight, calm tone of voice instead of speaking with the butterflies in his stomach.

“Yes.” As always, Sephiroth was so efficient that Cloud didn’t get a chance to see the miscellaneous items he had packed away, all neatly ordered, though they both knew that in five seconds of being in a duffle bag, they’d be tossed around mixing with other things.

Wondering which chair was ‘Seph’s Favorite Chair’ and consequently the one to avoid, he glanced around the apartment, noticing how sparsely furnished of personal items it was. It had all the state of the art equipment, but there didn’t seem to be a single thing there that said clearly who that person was. Oh, you could tell someone spent time there, but it didn’t feel _lived in_.

“Does it meet with your approval?”

Cloud blinked to realize that Sephiroth was looking at him again. More precisely, he was looking at Cloud looking at the apartment. In another time, as another person entirely, a younger Cloud would have stammered a yes immediately and stared at his feet, heartily embarrassed and horrified at being caught staring and making judgments about his idol’s life. Now he merely shrugged. 

“Feels lifeless,” he said truthfully. “There’s no little things that says this is somebody’s home.”

“And tell me, Cloud, what makes a place feel like somebody’s home?”

He never got used to Sephiroth saying his without malice or the desire to cause pain. His name was free of those emotions, now tinted with curiosity, amusement, and a hidden knowledge that Cloud didn’t have. It unnerved him as it always did, sending little thrills down his spine that he didn’t want to exam too closely, and stepped over to the wall that was made of glass. He actually liked heights a lot, something he had in common with Vincent and Cid. It had helped the three of them bond when it had become absolutely necessary.

“Well…like a coffee mug sitting on a table that hasn’t yet been cleaned up. Or a book that hasn’t been put away. Furniture moved slightly so that it's not perfectly symmetrical. A bit of dust that’s accumulated when someone hasn’t gotten around to cleaning it.” He paused before continuing, realizing that he was speaking of his own room back in Tifa’s Seventh Heaven in Edge. He hadn’t realized the similarities until now. The image of the room came to mind, perfectly clear, and he began to talk of what that room had missed.

“Pictures of people that you care about.” Tifa had pictures in her room, but though she’d given him a copy of each, he’d never gotten around to getting a frame and putting it up. “Stuff that says what hobbies you like.” Denzel had started taking up fiddling with mechanical things and was always there whenever Cid came to visit. Little parts were scattered all over the bar and rooms, even in the bathroom…except Cloud’s room. 

“Things people have given you as a gift.” All the things he’d been given he always took with him because he needed them in some way. The one time Marlene had given him something he didn’t _need_ to use, he had left it in the church for Aeris’ spirit to play with. “Items you use a lot but haven’t put away yet because you just bring it out again.” Everything he’d ever used was always carried on his person so never put anything away in that room. “Little touches to decorations, like maybe a little figurine you got as a prize one time or something pretty you bought and couldn’t let go. Things like hairbrushes to set on a dresser or watches and things to set down next to a bed.

“A bed that’s slept in but hasn’t been made after you get up.”

A quick flash of light from one of the beacons nearby against a lower-floor window shattered his revere and he realized that Sephiroth had been listening attentively while he’d packed up the rest of his things he’d need for his mission. Suddenly embarrassed, he shifted from foot to foot until the older man gestured for him to sit down in the left-hand chair near the glass wall.

There was an awkward moment of silence, at least to Cloud’s end, as he fumbled for something to say, but Sephiroth beat him to it. And oddly enough, the slight shifting of focus in the subject managed to dissolve the discomfort of the moment.

“Given that you know Zack as well as I do, I had assumed a different answer. I have _seen_ his rooms and they take what you described to the extreme. I wish I could inject him with an ounce of cleanliness with his mako injections.”

Cloud chuckled, for he knew Sephiroth spoke the truth. The first time he had ever seen Zack Fair’s room, he had been absolutely horrified. Cloud had always known he had a rather strong ‘neat’ sense, but anyone with any hint of orderliness would have panicked at the sight of that room. Clothes were tossed haphazardly, dishes still left out and waiting to be cleaned, books and materia littering the floor like confetti paper.

“Zack’s room is the incarnation of chaos,” he said with a smile, eyes staring over Sephiroth’s shoulder. He wasn’t quite sure he dared look at the General directly just yet. If he did, he feared he might lose his wits entirely and become unable to speak. Even with a twenty-three year old mind, the true Sephiroth was _still_ able to make his mind go all gooey and mental and his mouth tongue-tied and silent.

“I have seen worse, but not by much,” Sephiroth commented, zipping up his duffel bag and dropping it by the door, probably for a quick and easy grab on the way out.

“And back to the original subject. I don’t use this particular room much. ShinRa gave me nearly half this floor, that’s how large this ‘apartment’ is, but I’m not here often enough as it is, and what time I am here is spent in other rooms that I find more preferable.”

“You don’t like heights?” he guessed, just wanting to say something so Sephiroth would talk more. It didn’t matter what, just anything at all.

The silver-haired man moved over to stand at the glass wall and looked down at the expansive buildings of ShinRa’s military base and shrugged. “I neither like nor dislike them. They don’t mean much to me.”

“Then why don’t you like the room?”

Sephiroth looked faintly puzzled, tilting his head in a way that Cloud had never seen and that he thought was adorably cute. His hair shown prettily in the light and caressed his cheeks and when Cloud realized the turn his thoughts were taking he had to bite the inside of his lip to keep his blush from appearing. 

“I can’t explain it. I have been trying to figure out why I don’t like this room for awhile now, and I have yet to come up with an answer that is satisfactory. I just…don’t.”

He was sorely tempted to say that someone like Sephiroth probably _hated_ not knowing why he felt a particular way, but a niggling worry that he might overstep his bounds kept the comment silent and unrealized in words. Sephiroth shrugged off the topic with a move of his big shoulders and it was then that Cloud realized something else.

Sephiroth wasn’t wearing his usual leather.

He’d never seen Sephiroth wear anything else.

And he certainly had never see Sephiroth wear downy-gray, knitted sweatshirt with a tiny Masamune sewn on the shoulder. Even the black slacks didn’t drag his attention away from that little sword and it was inevitable that Sephiroth would glance down to see what he was looking at. His comment to such staring was merely…

“Ah.”

“Uh…sir…where—?”

“Would you be surprised if I told you Zack knitted it?”

That floored him. He had never been so surprised in his entire life. His jaw dropped in an unflattering way and Cloud was sure he was looking like a fish gaping on shore as it tried to breathe. “Z-Z-Z-Z…”

“Zack,” was the calm, supplied word with a hint of amusement.

“Zack. K-K-K…”

“Knit.”

“Zack. Knit. S-s-s…”

“Sweater.”

And for the first time, he heard Sephiroth laugh. Truly _laugh_. He was sure that Zack had been the only one to ever have that pleasure before and he could only gape at how… _wonderful_ it sounded. Like the most well-trained and well-disciplined singers could only dream of, music in a way that he couldn’t describe. And if it came because of his stupid expression, well then…he’d wear all the stupid expressions he could to hear it again.

“It is something that Zack tries to keep quiet. Apparently his mother insisted upon him learning the art even though he was not the girl she was hoping for. He made it for me after the Wutai war. At that time, I…wasn’t really feeling myself. After all that had happened, I was losing faith in everything, even myself. I have never felt so…depressed before or now than I had then. I suppose he did it to make me laugh. Who else would knit me a sweater with Masamune on it? For once I was grateful for my long hair, because it hides what’s on the back.”

Now Cloud’s interest was piqued and though he didn’t say anything, apparently his expression begged enough for him that Sephiroth sighed in amusement, turned around, and lifted up his hair.

Cloud nearly choked.

It wasn’t that it was Sephiroth wielding the Masamune that caused the reaction. No, it was the fact that both the Masamune and Sephiroth were _chibi_. They were no bigger than a baby chocobo and twice as wide and the attempted fierce expression on the knitted face of Sephiroth just came off as adorable. For the first time in Cloud’s life, he understood the urge of girls such as Aeris who would suddenly burst out with, _“ **How cuuuute!** ”_.

Instead he coughed a little as the general let down his hair again, but there remained a curl at the edges of his lips that said he was in a good mood. 

And after that, like all good things, time sped up because Cloud didn’t want it to. Before he knew it, their conversation that had ranged over all sorts of topics had come down to Sephiroth suggesting that he should head back to his room soon. And of course ‘soon’ meant ‘right now’.

It was only as he reached the door that he paused. He paused because Sephiroth had said something that he didn’t expect and his ears turned bright red. He felt like a damn teenager again as he stared at Sephiroth, who apparently thought he didn’t understand him and repeated it.

“If this is a date, isn’t it customary for the two participants to kiss before it ends?”

Zack was obviously having a great deal of effect on the general, even if it appeared as if the silver-haired man was only asking and not indicating that he was about do anything at all.

And yet the question brought to the forefront the things that Cloud had spent all their time avoiding in his head: he had asked Sephiroth for a date and that date was in Sephiroth’s room, and this was not just a ‘friend’ meeting. If there was any point that he was going to really push this into a relationship, it had to be now. Part of him told him that he wasn’t ready for it, that he didn’t want to do this, to take the _safe_ route and just be friends, but Cloud knew that the moment he had met his idol again, his idol that _wasn’t_ insane, it was too late for the ‘safe’ route. 

How fine a line was there between idolized worship and maybe something nearing love? Because at this point, it was hard to see the difference, especially after that night. Hearing that laugh, seeing the way Sephiroth’s green eyes tended to sparkle a little when he was amused or happy. The way his lip curled up at one edge when he found something someone else did funny, but didn’t want to say anything. The way that voice softened just slightly when he spoke of things he liked, and people, hinting at how fond he was of them.

“—ld? Cloud?”

Cloud started when he realized that because of his silent staring, Sephiroth had come up to him to see if he was all right. It only made the heat radiating off his ears that much hotter and his heart felt as if it would pump itself right out of his chest. He was focusing on things he shouldn’t be if he wanted to actually _talk_. His eyes were glued to Sephiroth’s rather extremely good-looking face and his throat became as dry as Cosmo Canyon.

And then he did the worst thing he could have done. Cloud eagerly blamed the stress of the moment on his action later when retelling it to Zack. That was, of course, after Zack had heard the whole account from Sephiroth’s point of view, which was probably far more accurate than his was. And that was entirely the problem.

He leaned up on his tiptoes and pressed their lips together. It wasn’t a good kiss, a few strands of Sephiroth’s hair had gotten between their mouths, and it was quick because he was unbalanced and suddenly aware of what he was doing. So he stumbled and the doorknob jammed into the small of his back and he winced at the annoying pain it produced, his already heightened nerves making it seem worse than it was.

Sephiroth didn’t seem all that…well…his expression hadn’t changed and Cloud feared for a moment that he had ruined everything. That he had made Sephiroth insane himself from that unexpected but stupid act.

Then the man sighed and shook his head. “Cloud Strife, you are terrible at kissing. I shall have to teach you.” 

He barely had a chance to register that curl at the edge of the General’s mouth before an arm had snaked around his slimmer waist and pulled him up close to the hulking mass of his superior. And in even less time than it took to blink, Cloud was being kissed again, but it wasn’t like before. The two before, one in the hospital room and the other just seconds ago, were pale imitations to this.

_I know that Zack said that Sephiroth hadn’t ever dated anyone but in Aeris’ name, how did learn to kiss so damn well?!_ Indeed, Cloud’s knees were going weak, and it didn’t help when Sephiroth’s limber tongue had managed to pry open the cadet’s mouth and dove in. Not that it took a lot of urging, Cloud was putty in the General’s hands.

Had it not been for the fact that Sephiroth seemed to have the situation well in hand and knew when Cloud’s lungs were about to explode from lack of air, he probably would have suffocated to death. Not that he would have objected to dying at that point. That would have been an excellent way to go.

“ _That_ is a kiss, Cloud Strife. Now go back to your room. We both need sleep and I have to be up early in the morning.”

Cloud only distantly registered Sephiroth gently pushing him from the apartment. In fact, it was only later that he recalled the details his mind had stored because it hadn’t been able to take it all in. Like the sensation of Sephiroth’s tongue and how it had been so soft, despite all the tongue-lashings he gave the recruits, grunts, and military officers alike. How their lips had that one-second awkwardness before Cloud had tilted his head and their mouths seemed to just click and became one perfect pleasurable moment. The warmth of the taller man’s arm around his back that had held him up so effortlessly when he’d melted against that well-muscled chest and how those lips had stretched into a smile during the kiss.

It was at that moment that he realized something. Cloud had assumed that Sephiroth would be rather…passive in a relationship simply because perhaps a lack of knowledge in how one interacted with someone they were dating. He knew now this was not the case. Sephiroth may not understand romantic love, which brought the question of who _did_ understand it, but he certainly wasn’t the type to just let things happen.

“Oh…dear…” he muttered at the thought that maybe he was in over his head and he slumped down to the floor.

He’d go back to his room…when he had his knees again.


	10. Chapter 10

Sephiroth had never been fond of Costa Del Sol. Too many gawking tourists and the heat always made him irritable. Even Zack kept his antics to a minimum, not wanting to rile the silver-haired General into a bout of irritation that would only end up with several bruises on his head, among other things. It was supposed to be a thinly veiled 'vacation' for the star of ShinRa, but the bigwigs had no idea that it was the exact opposite to Sephiroth.

Zack usually took the brunt of his friend's bad mood, but on this trip he had decided to do something different. Usually he tried to distract Sephiroth with sparring, but this time he had another option available: Cloud Strife. He'd been working hard, exceptionally hard, at getting the close-lipped man to tell him what happened that night before they left, but Sephiroth had always waved him off before with a blurb about duty and all that.

Now that they were in Costa Del Sol, though, they both knew that technically they weren't on duty. It wasn't that he thought Sephiroth was trying to evade telling him what happened, but his friend was the General and took his responsibilities seriously. Because of his focus on what he had to do, many trip-ups by executives trying to make him look bad had been thoroughly trounced by the facts.

“So, Sephiroth.” A wary glance was sent at him as they made their way to the mansion that the company owned. It was technically the President's, but nobody ever told the man that they used it whenever they were in Costa Del Sol. Even the Turks appropriated it when they were in town and since President ShinRa rarely left Midgar, he never knew. 

“What is it, Zack?”

“You gonna tell me what happened now with Cloud or not?”

Sephiroth sighed, keeping Zack in suspense until they were inside the mansion and their small platoon of soldiers were squared away in the guest rooms or the sofa. Every trooper knew better than to mention to anyone else that they'd been in the house, because if they did and someone who wasn't supposed to hear caught wind of it, there would be no nice trips through and they liked their rare comfort.

“There is not much to say, Zack. He came up, we talked, I sent him back when it was late.”

“Then _why_ , pray tell, was Cloud's face red and he wobbled a little when he came back to his room, huh? I was there waiting for him and he looked like a cherry! Even my teasing didn't get a reaction, so you must have done something big.” He didn't think it had been anything physical, it wouldn't have occurred to Sephiroth to do anything, really, but Cloud had locked himself in the small, adjoining bathroom to avoid Zack's questions, so he knew it was something 'important'.

There was a slow dawning of realization of what Zack wanted to know about on Sephiroth's face and he shrugged. “I kissed him.”

“You _what_?!” Seeing heads turn at his loud, incredulous voice, Zack tugged Sephiroth to a small corner to continue the discussion. “Say that again.”

“More accurately, he kissed me first. Seeing the awkwardness of it and lacking finesse, I showed him how it was done.” A faint smile touched the General's lips. “It was quite...nice.”

“You can't be serious!” Zack muttered, brain spluttering to a halt. “Cloud kissed you first?! The little chocobo head? The one who doesn't talk, the one who thinks over for a year before he does something, the one that practically worships the ground you walk on, that Cloud?”

Sephiroth sighed and rolled his eyes. “Private Cloud Strife, yes.”

Zack giggled with glee that turned into howling laughter and he had to clutch the taller man to keep from standing. Suddenly the young cadet's reactions and what he had done made so much more sense. Cloud was never going to hear the end of it, ever. 

Not if he had anything to say about it.

0-0-0

Cloud was rather proud of how well will could play a part in something. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold First Tsuguri for any length of time, but sheer will amid the slow toning of his body during basic training had allowed him to get the entire full sword into the air for a minute or two. Many might not consider it a great achievement, but considering what he'd started out from, he was quite happy.

And more than determined not to let what happened before happen again. He wouldn't be unprepared this time. Even if it happened again, even if they were sent to Nibelheim again, if he was a good enough fighter, he might be able to at least keep up with Sephiroth a little. Between himself and Zack, they might have enough expertise to bring Sephiroth down enough to get through to him before his mind was completely corrupted.

He wasn't entirely sure what it was that JENOVA had done to Sephiroth really. Naturally knew that his mentor had gone insane, but he wasn't sure of the specifics to combat them. What should be done differently? Would, for example, having a 'lover' make any difference at all, or was it something else that JENOVA exploited, promised to Sephiroth that the Great General never had? 

For all that everyone thought Sephiroth was more than privileged with what he was given, Cloud knew that the man he looked up to had less than most normal people. Material things he was given after he'd proved himself during the war, but before that, it was just years of torture in the name of science at the hands of Hojo and nothing given to him that he had as his own. Constantly told he would be a weapon, allowing no one but Hojo to see said weapon when he was young and easily influenced... There was so much that Sephiroth never had.

It just made Cloud want to kill the scientist even more. He'd entertained the thought of putting Hojo through all he'd given to everyone else, but he wouldn't put it past the greasy man to _enjoy_ being tortured or even ordering others around for their incompetence while being strapped to a table with needles sticking out of every part of his skin and orifice. Seemed like the kind of thing that would get Hojo off.

Cloud had never really remembered what happened during his training because of his incarceration at the hands of Hojo for five years; it had made his memory more than a little hazy, but even if the experiments hadn't happened, there was hardly anything to remember. Day after day passed by without so much as a blink, like a gray endless cloth with no designs or landmarks to identify that space as any different than the one preceding it or after it.

By the time two weeks had passed, he was near climbing the walls. He hadn't realized how... _dreary_ life was in the ShinRa military without a smile around. Zack gave life to the place, which made it small wonder that next to Sephiroth, the black-haired man would be next in line for being the ShinRa's poster boy in terms of recruiting others. Zack had a natural charm that he was quite willing to spread on anyone regardless of rank or duty. Very rarely had he seen that smile waver or an angry expression or harsh words on his lips.

Nor had Cloud been able to deny that he missed seeing that flash of silver hair around a corner when he might be walking in the hallway at the right time. For the past few months, he'd gotten rather used to being around the General. It wasn't quite so hard to talk anymore, at least if he wasn't looking at the handsome man. If he did, though, he'd get tongue-tied as always, like he had the night before the two had left with a small platoon on their field mission.

Thinking about it, naturally, led him to think about the kiss and he blushed to the roots of his hair again. He might not be so in body, but his mind was that of a twenty-three year old and _still_ he blushed over something like that! There was just something about Sephiroth that always got under his skin. He was never able to ignore the man, before his insanity or after. Jibes always found a mark and he was never able to look away. Even being calmer and older in his head, knowing the horrors that he'd gone through that had aged him exponentially and took away a childish innocence, if he'd ever possessed one, could not change that fundamental reaction. He _felt_ young around Sephiroth, yet that all-encompassing aura of the General's was so confident that you were sure nothing could ever happen to you around him.

His lips tingled a bit in remembrance of a strong, chiseled mouth against his own. Never, even with his long hair, could Sephiroth be called anything but masculine. He was handsome, not pretty. The sharp features, the strong bones, and eyes. He was gorgeous but nowhere near feminine. Nor, he thought idly, was that body anything close to it. Muscles were sharply defined, with a chest that was rather incredibly deep and impressive, and still he managed to look sleek. There was no one on the planet that looked even close to Sephiroth. Even Vincent, who Cloud had considered to be one of the most 'handsome' men in terms of elegance, paled to that of Sephiroth. At least to Cloud.

He wasn't sure if it was because he was lost in thought or because SOLDIERs were trained to be quiet, but he didn't even know he wasn't alone in his little spot out by a tree, the barracks building behind him. It wasn't until violet eyes were suddenly staring at him that he blinked and realized he had company. Spiky black hair seemed exceptionally lively that day as Zack asked instead of hello, “Thinkin' about that kiss?”

“GAH!” To Cloud, such a startled shriek was a rather justified reaction, but Zack laughed so hard he landed on the ground at it. He kicked his bigger friend repeatedly for both scaring at him and cackling before something else hit him.

If Zack was back, so was...

“Hello, Cloud.”

Swallowing, he looked behind him. There was no wind to blow silver hair out like a flag, nor ruffle the black leather coat like he thought should have happened, but the General still stood there, watching them calmly. And he swore there seemed to be a hint of amusement at the edges of cat-like green eyes. 

“Hello...sir...” It was clearly obvious, by the duffel bags at Sephiroth's feet, that Zack had forced them to detour from their heading toward their apartments upon seeing a spike of blond hair amid the grass. Zack wasn't able to resist any impulse, like that of a child, so it was at Cloud's expense that he was currently finding severe amusement. If that was the right term for his friend laughing so hard that he was crying.

“How was your mission, sir?”

Sephiroth shrugged, stepping forward to join the two on the small hillside that could be considered part of the training grounds if it wasn't so far away and too hard to get to with a regiment of forty clumsy teenage recruits. “There was nothing particular to report. The reactor is functioning well, most of the inhabitants of the town accepting of it.” Though nothing was indicated toward it, there was a faint air as if Sephiroth believed it to be a waste of effort for the travel.

“Come on, Seph,” Zack contradicted, seeming to at least get control of himself. “You know it was an exercise so they could rightfully consider giving you a 'vacation'.”

“I would hardly consider going to Costa Del Sol as a vacation, Zack.”

“Everybody but you would, Seph. That's why the morons upstairs sent you there, because they don't know you.” Turning to Cloud, he grinned. “See, Seph hates Costa Del Sol. Too hot and noisy and every other bad thing someone could possibly hate he considers is there. Except Hojo. If Hojo ever vacationed at Costa Del Sol, that would mean the world was coming to an end.”

Remembering finding Hojo surrounded by three 'beauties' on the beach in his lab coat at said resort town made Cloud snicker, much to his own surprise. For so long, everything regarding saving the world, even the happiest of moments when they tried to forget about the reason they were all together, was such a serious affair to him. It was hard to imagine laughing about anything until now, and he still wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because, being in this time, he was so far removed from it.

One day, he thought as he watched Sephiroth corral Zack into picking up his bag and beckoning Cloud over as they headed back to the cluster of buildings in the ShinRa compound, he would allow himself to forget. When everything was over, when the most critical of time was passed. If he could pass through the age of sixteen and the incident with Nibelheim never happened, then he could allow those awful memories of death and horror and grief to fade.

_Yes, that will be a wonderful day indeed._


	11. Chapter 11

Cloud wasn't sure how he did it, but he managed to land on his feet in a crouching position. It made his ankles fiercely protest, sending spikes of pain up his legs all the way to the knees before settling down to the muted ache as he rested there, trying to catch his breath. This hadn't gone right at all. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Of all the things he'd hoped to accomplish, this wasn't exactly working out the way he'd planned or dreamed about.

Sephiroth stalked towards him and Cloud felt a shudder go down his spine when their eyes met. What had made him think he could do this? That he'd ever _succeed_? He'd been foolish, extremely stupid. As stupid as an adult as the young body he inhabited that had once been his own. The Masamune lifted almost in slow-motion, older mind calculating the angle it would land and dodging out of the only way he had. 

After so long of fighting Sephiroth, he knew every move as intimately as he knew his body. It was likely the only thing that was keeping him one step ahead of his mentor. What on earth had possessed him to even _suggest_ a spar between the two of them? Especially on a day that had been bad to start with? It was just _one of those days_ where nothing you did went right. He'd gotten out of bed late, kept being distracted by memories of the night before, gotten called out by two teachers for his mind wandering, and had caught Tseng and Rufus in a compromising position and had listened to the quiet threats of not to reveal what he'd seen to anyone otherwise he'd find his life expectancy cut to a few seconds rather than a few years.

He'd always suspected the two had something going on, especially seeing them as he'd suspiciously watched the leader of the Turks care for their boss, but seeing Rufus pressed against the wall with Tseng's hand down his pants and making him pant hadn't been high on his list of priorities.

Not to mention he was still just a bit too dazed, perhaps even giddy, over the night before. Things had gotten right back into the routine after Sephiroth and Zack had returned from the trip to North Corel and Costa Del Sol, or so he had thought. He'd just started getting back into the swing of things when it was not Zack, but _Sephiroth_ that was changing things about. It had been small things at first: an extra nod as they passed each other in the hall, the occasional agreement with Zack for the three of them to go out drinking, or a small container of lotion left behind for the back of his ankles that were rubbed raw from his socks and his boots after basic training out in the wilderness left him too exhausted to even shower.

Last night, however, had been different. Usually Zack was always somewhere in the mix or the background, smiling indulgently over the two of them and all but shoving themselves at each other. It hadn't escaped either of their notices that Zack was their biggest 'cheerleader' in terms of their relationship, urging for more when they were content to just take it small steps at a time. That was why he'd been surprised to find Sephiroth waiting for him outside his room door by himself.

Swords clanged as Cloud managed to keep one step ahead of the General in their spar, mostly due to his knowledge of how his mentor moved. Not unlike the graceful movements of the night before, Sephiroth managed to turn combat into an art form, more beautiful than the finest dance wearing the best of silks and velvets. Focusing on the sweat running down his face and neck kept the blush from appearing on his cheeks.

He could see now what won the war in Wutai. Seeing the beautiful man in action when insanity wasn't clouding his eyes was a very unique experience, though his body rather wished he wasn't on the receiving end. It was obvious to Cloud that the man was holding back at least some of his strength and it wasn't surprised. You didn't start getting mako injections until you were accepted into the SOLDIER program. Even candidates didn't get any and for Sephiroth to go full out on someone that had none yet in him was unfair in the extreme. Especially since this was meant to 'evaluate' him, not kill him.

Somewhere in the empty room he knew Zack was watching, but he couldn't take his eyes off the intense green gaze that burrowed into him, analyzing his every move and breath, learning details of what Cloud was about to do from the simplest of twitches of his lips. Cloud had an advantage though, one he wouldn't have had if he wasn't conditioned and hadn't experienced all the hardships he'd gone through before. 

He knew how to bluff. 

To Cloud, no matter where else, they were equal on the battlefield. Even if he couldn't hope to match his idol now, in this body, at that moment, to him they were still equals and though he revered him as much as always, he wasn't allowing that to get in his way. It wasn't the easiest, nor the happiest thing to do. He had to remind himself what the insane Sephiroth had been like, dredge up that old determination and hurt to beat off the good feelings he felt for the man before him that wasn't like the one he'd killed three times.

The cadet knew what would happen before it was done, but he was helpless to stop it when that much larger body whirled with too fast a move to follow with the eye and lashed out at his blade, one leg going behind his to trip him up. It was a move he'd seen done, had used on him, and with his older body he could have avoided it, perhaps even managed to turn it to his advantage, but it relied on conditioning to complete. He just didn't have the reflexes in this body to combat it. 

Cloud landed hard on his back on the mats beneath them, the sword provided for him by Zack, a decent but lighter buster sword, landing somewhere behind his head. The Masamune touched his neck gently before pulling away, a silent but clear 'it's over' in the simple gesture. Silence reigned for a moment before clapping shattered it and they both looked over to the side at Zack's huge smile before he sauntered up and hauled the teenager to his feet.

“Great job Spike. You kept up with him almost twenty minutes. For someone your age and size without mako, that's a hell of an achievement. Yeah you lost and you weren't doing more than defending really, though you did get in a few jabs, it's still something worth praise. Can't wait to see you two fight when you get into SOLDIER.”

“If,” Cloud corrected, wiping sweat off his face and sighing.

“Don't be so down on yourself. He'll get in, right Sephiroth?”

Much to his surprise, Sephiroth tilted his head and thoughtfully nodded. “You were not exceptional in the standard definition of the term, but there is definite potential. It almost seems as if the knowledge is there, you just haven't been able to pull it off.” Cloud swallowed thickly at the heavy, almost suspicious pause that followed before the man continued. “I was wrong. I believe you do have what it takes to pass the tests. You're still rough around the edges, but you're a fast learner, agile, and quick thinker. We could use that in SOLDIER.”

“What Seph means,” Zack interjected before Cloud could ask, “is that we've got loads of jocks. Hell, even I'm one! I'm bulk and while I'm faster than most, I'm still a hard hitter and generally can a take a lot of hits before I go down, but I don't dodge well. I rely on the strength I've got. With very few exceptions, that's what everybody in SOLDIER is like. Only Sephiroth and a few others are as agile as you. Seph is unique, yeah, because he can hit as hard as fast as he can dodge, but we don't have any quick but light hitters, which is likely what you would be. You're fast and while you might not have the muscle to withstand a lot of hits, you'd likely rely on your agility to not get hit at all. We don't have many like that and it is an advantage. Most of light hitters go to the Turks before they get to SOLDIER because they need the light, subtle people.” An arm was thrown over his shoulder and he gasped at the tight, friendly hug he was pulled into. “But don't worry, we won't let the Turks get ya. We all know that your wants are with Seph and that nice, masculine sword of his.”

Seeing the lecherous grin and knowing that Zack wasn't referring to Masamune made Cloud turn red and he kicked hard at a convenient ankle. “ _Zack!_ ” 

“OW! Spike, stop the beating, I'm _delicate!_!” The black-haired SOLDIER ducked and dodged away from a raging blond-haired cadet and though he was perfectly capable of staying far out of reach, he was too busy laughing and enjoying the rise he'd managed to get out of his friend with his teasing. “Come on, Seph, help me out! Restrain the boyfriend!”

Sephiroth crossed his arms. “No. You deserve this for that crude comment.”

“Crude? It wasn't crude. Now if I had said co—”

Zack didn't remember much after that since both Cloud and Sephiroth had managed to deck him one something hard before he'd finished his sentence.

~*~

“I apologize if I made you feel awkward last night.” Cloud turned around in surprise, staring at the taller man as they stood at the cadet's door, and as he watched, red flushed up the young boy's cheeks in remembrance. “I heard that you've been distracted today and if it's because of what I did, then I apologize.”

“I-It was, but there's no need to apologize!” Cloud's outburst caught some passing Turks attention, most notably a very red-headed Turk with red tattoos on his cheeks and a lecherous smile was sent their way before they were alone. To spare what dignity he had left, Cloud tugged Sephiroth inside his room. They'd already dropped the unconscious Zack back at his own place, but since he'd been loathe to break their time apart and the rare moments the cadet had been fairly open with him, Sephiroth hadn't suggested they hurry.

He frowned, trying to figure it out though. “Then I should not apologize? I thought it was something that you wanted. You seemed to like it.”

Cloud's blush turned darker and he sat down on the edge of the bed. “I-I did like it, yeah, but it's not something that...I just wasn't _expecting_ it is all and I've never...it's been a long time...”

“Does it embarrass you? Should I refrain from doing so in the future?”

He was just trying to understand and not trying to make Cloud have an aneurysm over it, but after their kissing, he hadn't missed the slightest bulge in his 'boyfriend's trousers the night before and had just touched him. Cloud had seemed to really enjoy it and the taste of the cadet as he'd licked his fingers hadn't been bad at all. He was far aware of his troops under his command and that even those men that were not attracted to other men often found company with them since ShinRa, with the exception of the Turks, never accepted women soldiers. Seeing some of the fierce female warriors in Wutai, Sephiroth had been spending much of his time trying to make his superiors see that it was in their best interest to allow women into their ranks, but for that they would not bend, not even for their precious general.

“I just...” Cloud licked his lips in nervousness and ran a hand through his spiky hair, trying to compose whatever was in his mind into words. “I liked it a lot, si-Sephiroth. I just wasn't expecting and nobody's ever done that to me before. It's natural for someone to feel embarrassed when someone they...like does that to them.”

“Like? I thought you said you loved me.”

At Sephiroth's confused expression, there was a small bout of helpless laughter. “I think...well...sometimes like is used instead of 'love' because 'love' can be a bit awkward to say for someone who's shy. Or if they find it a bit embarrassing to say if they're put on the spot like this.”

For a moment, he didn't say anything. He wanted everything settled in his mind before he dived into such a potent issue like Zack had been urging him to do. Their relationship had been very ambiguous. Even when they'd started doing more 'romantic' things as his lieutenant called them, they'd never really established who's feelings were what. Sephiroth hated ambiguity. It made it hard to act, to see what your opponent was up to.

“Do you love me or do you not? You said so in the hospital, but that was nearly four months ago and if I'm not incorrect, I think things have changed for the both of us. It is necessary to find out where we stand with each other.”

Blue eyes looked up at him rather helplessly. “I don't know. It's not just that I idolize you, not anymore. I really do like you, like kissing you, but I don't really know for certain what it is I feel. Sometimes I think it's just friendship; sometimes I think it's more than that. It's just moving really fast at the moment and I'm trying to keep up. I don't know if it's love because I don't think I've ever been in love in a...romantic way before.”

Sephiroth nodded slowly, recognizing several of the things Cloud had said corresponded with himself. He was unsure _what_ he felt for the cadet. For the longest time, the only one he had ever really cared about more than as just a soldier to another was Zack. They'd always covered their backs, were equals, friends. Zack he trusted beyond anyone else. He had thought that's the way it would always remain until he'd met Cloud. Cloud was _different_ to his feelings than Zack was. They weren't the same person and that was logical, but what wasn't logical was how his mood and emotions varied so often.

“I suggest then,” he stated at last, “that we remain as we have been. The pace is acceptable and we can take our time.”

“Not if Zack has anything to say about it.”

A small smile touched Sephiroth's lips. “Well we won't ask him, will we?”

Cloud blinked before laughing a little, a sound that Sephiroth had determined the last few months that he liked hearing. Perhaps it was so unusual and gratifying to hear it because the blond rarely did it. The smiles were slowly becoming more plentiful, but laughs were still so scarce. The haunted looks were retreating in number too, though they were still there when the cadet thought no one was looking. No one being Zack and Sephiroth. He didn't seem to care if anyone else saw them, because no one else cared either. They were just trying to survive their own lives, and had no attention to spare to anyone else.

What Cloud didn't seem to realize was that there was never a point when one of them wasn't watching him. Zack hadn't given up his mission to figure out what had changed his friend and Sephiroth was still very intrigued by the mystery of the person in front of him. Despite his appearance, it was hard to think of him as a boy. His bearing, his thoughts, his words all suggested someone older and sometimes it caught him by surprise when he realized just what age he really was.

Sephiroth leaned down, pressing their lips together and cutting of the sound of laughter. It was a bit on the abrupt side, Cloud not expecting it, but it had become something of a vice to the General. There was something vaguely addicting about kissing the young man, the way he'd moan softly and open his mouth to let their tongues meet, how he'd melt into Sephiroth's arms, giving as well as receiving, not willing to let Sephiroth lead entirely.

That was, maybe, another thing that Sephiroth really liked it and made it so enticing. Unlike others who'd entirely defer to him, Cloud accepted Sephiroth's lead but that didn't mean he wasn't contributing. Sometimes the cadet's enthusiasm surprised him and others he seemed to be struck with shyness. It was always a new reaction when they did it and he found himself just as interested in doing it for that reason, as well as the pleasure it caused.

The silver-haired man knew that if he let it go on longer it would just be a repeat of last night, but arms were sliding around his shoulders and there felt a degree of...comfort today. Unlike so many times before when they'd done this, Cloud was tense to varying degrees, as if he was thinking of a hundred different things. To Sephiroth, whenever they kissed the world narrowed to just the simple act so he could truly enjoy it, but until today, it hadn't seemed to be that way to Cloud.

Bending in half wasn't doing his back any good and so Sephiroth eased them back onto the bed, covering that smaller body with his own. He didn't think Cloud noticed, as his blue eyes were closed during their languid, pleasant kiss. It was nearly a continuous motion, only breaking apart to breathe when it was necessary and their movements so like a dance that the breaking seemed just as casual as everything else.

Aware of his strength and body mass compared to the small but sturdy cadet, he kept most of his weight on his arms. Cloud's legs shifted apart instinctively when he got settled, almost as if he didn't realize he'd done the movement, and Sephiroth smiled inwardly. This was rare and wonderful. Cloud wasn't tense in the slightest, as if he was, for once, living in the now and not thinking of anything else. Oh, he had no intention of progressing to sex at this stage, as he liked to take his own pace on things, but lying like this and kissing was something he was enjoying more than usual.

Awkwardly pulling off his gloves, Sephiroth let his hands wander and judged by the sounds of the male beneath him what he liked and what he liked better. Eyes were still shut, but the aura around Cloud said it was most likely because he was feeling too good to bother opening them. Sephiroth had half-feared that maybe they had stayed closed because Cloud didn't want to see what was going on and get tensed up, but given the completely relaxed body beneath him, that obviously wasn't the case.

What Cloud had been of no mind to notice last night was that Sephiroth had been in much the same situation as him and it was presenting itself again. He was definitely as physically attracted to Cloud as his mind was embroiled in the strange young man. Thankfully his leather had been tailored after years of fighting to be almost like a second skin so it wasn't _too_ restricting with a slow hardening of his lower half was felt.

Leisurely kisses were becoming something altogether different, Sephiroth comfortable with taking the lead. In all honesty, he wasn't sure he'd be comfortable being led anywhere. For years, he led troops in battle, was at ease in the role of making decisions. This was much the same thing, though he never did anything he was unsure Cloud liked or wanted without making sure first. This wasn't _precisely_ the same kind of leadership as in battle.

Blue eyes slid open gradually, looking soulful in their depths and something altogether too old for the cadet that Cloud was. Sephiroth could feel an answering desire pressing against his own, but everything ceased at the moment. Even though it had admitted he'd liked it last night, given how the other had acted, he wasn't sure if it was okay to do that again. 

“Cloud, do you want me to touch you?”

A blush flooded the man's cheeks, reality seeming to come back a bit, but when Sephiroth tried to sit up, the arms around his shoulders tightened. Settling back down in curiosity, one leg wrapped around his hip. “I want you to touch me.”

The words were whispered, no doubt in the shyness that caused the blush to appear, but they were a positive answer and before he'd even thought about it, Sephiroth's hand had expertly unbuttoned Cloud's pants. He hadn't realized until that moment how much he enjoyed seeing Cloud's face flush with pleasure until he had the opportunity to see it again. Slowly he pulled the young cadet out, thumb moving to shift over that sensitive head and he smiled when he heard a moan of desire.

Lips moved down to curiously taste along the column of Cloud's throat, taking the time to explore and do things he hadn't done before. He soothed a small patch of red his kisses had made with his tongue, feeling a shiver go down Cloud's spine. Never before had he expected that his boyfriend would be so sensitive on his neck, but he was getting to see far more reactions between that and his stroking than he had the night before.

So busy was Sephiroth watching the expressions crossing Cloud's face that he was taken by surprise when a hand gently rubbed him through the leather of his pants. “Can I touch you?”

Sephiroth had no want to say no so he nodded. He found it rather amusing to watch Cloud struggle trying to loosen the leather while attempting to think around what the older man was doing with his hand. Sephiroth wasn't letting up and nibbled the edge of the cadet's jaw with relish, pressing his thumb a little more firmly into the bundle of nerves right beneath the base of his head and hearing a faint cry at the action.

Finally, though, hand and eye coordination seemed to coincide and Sephiroth let a small puff of air in a gasp when fingers stroked his heated flesh. He'd touched himself a few times before, but not often. Most of the time he was too tired or annoyed or had no free moment for it, and he hadn't realized until just then how _good_ it felt for someone else to touch him. Especially a cadet that had he was starting to like to an almost frightening degree.

Their fingers were as slow as their kisses had been before, taking their time. Cloud liked to play with his hair and though he usually disliked anyone touching it, he made an exception. A smile formed on the lips he was kissing passionately. “Never doubted your color was natural, but nice to know I was right,” Cloud murmured quietly, his eyes seeming to twinkle a little in happy amusement.

Sephiroth chuckled, feeling slim fingers exploring around his base where his hair was, twirling the silver around before sliding back up. Given his height and girth, naturally Sephiroth's desire was equally large in size, but once Cloud seemed to get over at least some of the embarrassment, Sephiroth was happy to see that there was no comparison going on. 

He would have liked to stay there like that all day, just exploring and experience such wonderful pleasure, but he had work to do, unfortunately, and his body was complaining loudly. When his hand sped up on Cloud's erection, so did Cloud on his. Sephiroth was quiet, his faint gasps broken up only by low moans. This sort of moment was private and he had no wish for anyone, Turks or otherwise, to hear what was going on. He doubted a Turk would say anything, though. He and Rufus had an...understanding about their personal lives. The Turks obeyed the Vice President more than the person who signed their checks and if Rufus wanted to keep anyone from finding out about his relationship with Tseng, he knew better than to let his Turks gossip about any relationship Sephiroth might engage in.

Cloud whimpered and Sephiroth found the sound so cute that he squeezed tightly-but-briefly again, feeling the cadet arch into his touch. Legs wrapped around Sephiroth's waist and he shifted his position just a little, thrusting into hands that had somehow managed to go around and press their erections together. The friction was absolutely exquisite and he found himself leaning toward perhaps sex a bit more in the near future than he'd originally planned, if it would be better than this.

The only thing that stayed that thought was the fact that he wanted to wait until Cloud made it into SOLDIER first. Sephiroth had no doubt that he could do it and it would make a nice 'congratulation' gift. If things panned out, anyway. That sweet little mouth was whimpering nonsense words and he couldn't help taking them in a powerful kiss, his free hand coming up to hold Cloud's head still as he passionately plundered his mouth of the tastes and sensations.

Cloud pulsed against his hand, letting him know how close he was so he was prepared when the young man cried out his completion into his mouth. Sephiroth broke apart only to lift his hand to his mouth and lick the sticky substance off them, despite the blush it gave Cloud as he watched. The hand that had been playing with his hair came down and Sephiroth groaned when both were wrapped around his desire and stroking him for all they were worth.

If he didn't know better, he would have thought Cloud was smirking when he came, but the expression when he was able to see clearly again was the same one as always in situations like this so Sephiroth chalked it up to his imagination. Their kisses turned leisurely once more as they rested in their orgasmic glow, Sephiroth leaving more kiss marks behind. Cloud seemed to melt beneath him at all the attention, arms draping themselves casually over his larger shoulders.

“Okay, which one of you was it that knocked me o—oh.”

Sephiroth glanced toward the open door at his lieutenant who stood there in a dumbstruck state. In fact, if Sephiroth wasn't mistaken, that had to be the first time he'd ever seen Zack at a loss for words. Cloud turned an even darker shade of red and buried his face in the silver-haired man's shoulder to hide from the teasing words as soon as Zack got his wits together.

A grin slowly formed on his friend's face. “Seph, didn't know that was your _natural_ color—”

Zack would have one helluva a headache, Sephiroth thought, watching the man fall unconscious to the floor after being hit with a heavy, hardbound book detailing tactics that had been sitting on the desk. Ah well, a few more hours of quiet time. It wouldn't last, it never did, but for now... he smiled and went back to kissing Cloud, even if the young man was as red as a tomato.

Maybe _because_ he was as red as a tomato.


	12. Chapter 12

Sephiroth, Zack knew, was used to the stares he got from others. Especially from Scarlet. The woman had never quite forgiven the General for turning her down. It hadn't helped, really, that he had done so right in front of the open doors to the canteen and about a cumulative amount of people ranging from grunts to cadets to trainees to First Class SOLDIERs had been there to witness it. As usual, his commander had said it point blank with all the bluntness of a train at high speed. Zack didn't think he'd ever forget the way Scarlet's face turned as red as her dress and likely it had only been survival instincts kicking in that she hadn't slapped him.

Nobody hit Sephiroth. 

Her looks since then at his superior had always been both slightly lusty and full of loathing. Sephiroth hardly cared and his green eyes never glanced her way during the habitual meetings that the man was forced to go to. Very rarely did Zack go as well, hearing about what happened through the grapevine. For executives of ShinRa, there was little _to_ do but gossip and secrets didn't last long, usually. Except when you were part of, or witnessed, something to do with the Turks; it was often more than your life was worth to gossip about _them._

Today was unusual. President ShinRa was in one of his planet-almighty-grouchy moods where no one anything did was good enough. He even snapped at Sephiroth, the golden boy, which caused the powerful General to raise one eyebrow and the atmosphere chill a little in the room with distaste. You didn't _control_ Sephiroth, and he, despite being a General and a SOLDIER, didn't take orders well. It was likely because of Hojo, because as a child, Sephiroth had been ordered to do everything and since he hated Hojo, he hated orders. Not to mention there was no real ‘fondness’ between him and President ShinRa.

Scarlet was eying Sephiroth instead of with hatred and lust, something close to contemplation and a sadistic sense of humor. Zack would have bet his ranking in SOLDIER on the fact that by now every executive in ShinRa knew about Cloud. They likely didn't know what the nature of the relationship was, but they did know that the General was getting close to someone other than Zack.

Not that there was much to worry about now, though that didn’t stop the two men from doing so anyway. As a SOLDIER, even 3rd class, Cloud had protection that being a grunt or candidate hadn’t given him. Not to mention the day right after he had qualified and been given ranking, he had started his mako injections and even the lowest SOLDIER 3rd could easily physically crush one of those lofty executives.

Despite Cloud being of those people that didn’t fair well with the injections, body reacting to push out the ‘poison’ more fiercely than others, he didn’t seem alarmed by it. In fact, much to Zack’s suspicion and worry, he seemed far too at ease with it, mentally ignoring the pain after his injections with the experience of veterans. And yet he knew that Cloud would not have gotten injected before; candidates and grunts weren’t allowed near the stuff. After all, why waste precious mako on grunts that were mostly fodder anyway, right?

At least that was the excuse given by the higher ups and scientists.

Still, six months into his new rank and Cloud was doing…mostly fine. Zack did worry about overworking; Sephiroth did it all the time, but he was built with stress in mind. And no matter what had happened to change Cloud, to Zack he would always be that small, somewhat-helpless cadet that was shy and needed a friend. By no means had he given up on finding out what had happened to change all that overnight. Which was why he was currently working hard on his plotting with Sephiroth.

~*~

Cloud glanced at Sephiroth and Zack out of the corner of his eye as they conferred nearby, away from the new SOLDIERs. Every ranking was taken out a few months after their advance to find harder monsters to fight. Even second and firsts had their own groups at different times to fight things on their new level. At least he assumed they were talking about the mission.

It hadn’t escaped his attention that Zack hadn’t given up his desire to know what it was that Cloud did and he was running out of ways to get around it. So far he’d managed to dodge the ‘bullet’ several times now for one reason or another, but it appeared as if his frustration was growing and he was trying to recruit the General into his plan as well. When those two worked together on something, completely agreeing on a goal, the whole planet trembled. They were a force to be reckoned with and Cloud worried over the power that would come to bear.

He didn’t fear violence or physical torture, but more the emotional pressure. He knew they were worried about him and just wanted to help, but he couldn’t tell them. Not when things were _still_ so new and in a flux. It wasn’t even a year since he’d been sent back and he couldn’t risk it. 

Not yet.

Their superiors headed back, Zack with his confident and cheerful swagger and Sephiroth with his military precision. Their eyes met briefly and Cloud fought hard to maintain his calm control and not smile a little. Things had been ‘going well’ between them, at least that was the best way to describe it. It had been a little frustrating to him lately, just a little, not that he’d tell his boyfriend that. 

Frankly, being in a body that was just a few days shy of his fifteenth birthday meant that he had raging hormones that he hadn’t been plagued with for a long time. Twenty-three years old with a mako-tainted body that had been experimented on for five years before that and several near death experiences had caused him to ‘even out’. Even young men in their twenties were often subject to their sexual desires, but after all he’d gone through, he had never been controlled by his body’s needs.

This was entirely different. He’d forgotten how potent those feelings could be until now and back then, he’d not even had the ‘incentive’ toward it. Sephiroth was beautiful and their kissing didn’t take much to get him aroused. His body craved more than the touching, but Sephiroth seemed content to go at his own pace. Indeed, there was even the vaguest of hints that the older man wasn’t going to allow sex until he was sixteen. And while his mind was grateful so he could get used to this new relationship, it made his body ache with frustration.

“All right, you’re going to be split up in threes,” Zack announced, “for a total of three groups and be given a direction. As soon as—”

The sound of panting interrupted Zack and he grinned at the new SOLDIER 1st that came running up. “Sorry I’m late.” He bowed to the General, who was frowning at his tardiness. “Heidegger gave me the riot act for some of the equipment. Guess I was the only one he could catch for that.”

It eased some of the unhappiness on Sephiroth’s face, as everyone in ShinRa knew what a Heidegger rant was like. There was no escaping until he started wheezing when he was out of breath and gave you an opening to run. Heidegger didn’t run well, being extremely overweight, so once it got to that point, you were generally free. 

“SOLDIERs, this is Phillips. He’ll be going with group three. Did you think that we’d leave you all alone out there?” Zack teased, seeing some of the anxious looks on a few boys faces relax. “We’re not going to let you all die, but don’t make the mistake of thinking we’ll just jump in when you’re about to get a paper cut. You start relying on our presence at all, we’re liable to let you get hurt just to teach you a lesson. Now, you know your assignments, get moving!”

Cloud figured he was the one most at ease of the three of them as they were set off in a northerly direction. It was probably because he knew Sephiroth intimately and was used to the overwhelming presence of the General. They didn’t know where he was, couldn’t see him at all, but just the fact that he would be the one watching their group didn’t seem to do the other boys’ nerves any good.

His hand lifted to grip the hilt of the sword at his back, ready for anything that might jump out at them. The mako injections were, as much as he hated them, a necessary evil for First Tsuguri to be held. Oh, naturally he didn’t have it now. That would be a bit much to explain how he’d gotten such a well-made sword in his hands at this ranking and little money and it would be rather useless anyway. Though with the mako injections, he could simply hold the sword for awhile, he still didn’t have the necessary strength to wield it for any length of time. Just a few swings tired him out to the point his arms started to shake.

The plus side was that focusing his energy and goal onto lifting First Tsuguri, probably one of the heaviest swords ever made with as many blades that actually made up the whole, meant that he didn’t even notice that he could use most other blades without a problem, despite their weight.

“Did you hear that?” one of the other boys whispered, hefting the long sword up that he had chosen to specialize in.

The other, a hand-to-hand combat specialization, winced at the mention of something out of the ordinary. They were both as tight as bowstrings, ready and waiting for something to spring out at them and try to gut them. Despite a residual feeling of nervousness, Cloud was as relaxed as anyone could be. Monsters didn’t frighten him, at least mentally. Still, he worried about the other two. Being tense like that ended up for even more injuries. Even as a SOLDIER, they weren’t immune to accidents. If something showed up and knocked down one of them, the chances a broken limb would result were heightened.

“Don’t worry,” he told them, trying to be comforting as best he could. He wasn’t used to this sort of thing at all. He’d only really become a leader out of necessity during the whole debacle with Sephiroth. It had never been something he’d wanted to do. “We’ve got the ability in our heads, we’ve just got to get that knowledge to our fingers, right?”

They looked at him with relief, probably at the reminder that they _had_ passed their training and that according to that, they _could_ do this. Cloud was honestly so far removed in his mind from such things that he found it a bit hard to relate. He’d fought Ultimate WEAPON, a being born of the planet itself, so not many random monsters out in the area around Midgar or elsewhere could really scare him.

Nothing could dent the hopeful seed in his mind, ever since he had _made it_ into SOLDIER. He had failed before, abysmally even. This time he had made it! Sure he hadn’t been the top of the top, but that hadn’t been his goal. Even if he’d passed with middle-of-the-road scoring, the fact that he passed at all caused him untold happiness. Somehow what he’d been running towards all this time for almost the whole year seemed more realistic. Before, he’d been working at a fever pitch for every scrap he could get, just hoping to get over the first hurdle of getting into SOLDIER. There was no other greater turning point in his life and if he’d been sent back to before the trials, surely that was one of the things that _had to be_ changed under any circumstance.

A rustle of the bushes to his left caught Cloud’s attention, but he didn’t blink nor shift his stance. ‘Never acknowledge that you’re being watched unless you can drive some tactical advantage.’ The theory was sound, though it was somewhat hard to put into practice, given human nature. He would have told the other boys with him, but he feared they would become so jumpy that they’d attack something that wasn’t a threat.

Cloud didn’t need to worry about it much longer, since the colossal roar that rent the air let everyone within thirty feet know what was happening. The rustle of the bushes turned into a stampede as four clawed feet ground it into the ground when the Behemoth came into view. It snarled at them, bearing glistening fangs that were dark with some substance that could have been blood or poison. He’d never known a Behemoth to poison, but if this one was sick or deranged…

Somehow he didn’t think this was what their superiors had in mind that they test their mettle against, but he also figured that there would be no rescue immediately. Like any commanding officer, he was sure Sephiroth was holding back to see what they would do and how they would do it. After all, this _was_ an evaluation.

“What the hell is that?!” demanded his comrade with the long-sword, voice hitching higher an pitch or two in fright.

“Behemoth,” Cloud answered automatically. “They’re tough, but not unbeatable. Just watch out for its horn lift, that packs a whollop and you’ll feel it for two weeks after…if you survive it at all.”

He’d not thought to hide his knowledge, the thought that Sephiroth would hear him with information not generally public knowledge and could only be gained by experience not coming into play. There wasn’t time for such contemplation in the face of this creature that was looking at them like they were its next meal. He was, to the others, remarkably calm and indeed, he felt that same detached feeling he had in battle before with random creatures: step back, analyze what you know about it without feelings getting in the way, and determine the best course of action.

With another roar that shook the leaves on the trees, the Behemoth charged straight at them with a single-minded intensity. They scattered in separate directions as they were taught, Cloud getting in one good whack at its head as swerved left. Its tusks were longer than most, but also chipped, as if it had gotten into more than one fight with the adventuring type and had been the victor despite the scars and wounds received in battle.

That made this harder because it knew how a human fought, generally speaking. In its little monster brain, it had at least _some_ understanding of what a small being like they were would do in a situation such as this. It wouldn’t have survived so many encounters without learning _something_.

It was the first time he’d fought like this in years. The other members of Avalanche could all detect his movements to varying degrees, knew what he would do, and act accordingly. Sure, some could tell more than others. Tifa could because she knew him very well; Vincent had always anticipated most of his moves just by being observant; Nanaki read him much like a book; Cid, even, had a decent grasp on him probably owing to more instinct than anything else. Barrett, for example had never grasped the fine art of it, but he did at least pick up a few things. And if they weren’t there, Cloud always fought alone.

To fight with two other people that didn’t know what his every move indicated before he did it, to not know that when he moved left, they moved right, was a unique experience and one he didn’t relish but had to get used to. In SOLDIER, you were never assigned with a permanent group, or at least rarely. ShinRa liked to shift things about so no one ever got too comfortable.

Very narrowly did the martial artist of their group avoid a horn lift, owing mostly to a clumsy trip-turned-flip. Finally catching the other swordsman eye, Cloud and he rushed forward at each side. The Behemoth knew they were coming, he could see the knowledge in that beady eye, but with such a huge bulk, there was no moving to avoid it.

It roared in pain, rearing up on its hind legs as they danced away, out of reach of immediate retaliation. The victory of any hit at all cheered his comrades, but Cloud wasn’t so easily reassured. Yes, they had damaged the Behemoth, but the sheer size, strength, and intelligence of the creature would make this a long battle.

He was right. Fifteen minutes later when they were sweaty from anxiety and exertion, the Behemoth was only barely nicked and bruised. They weren’t doing so well either. For all their agility being much higher than the monster’s, and that they were smaller and quicker, that was no guarantee against injury. The longer they fought, the smarter the creature seemed to become, anticipating their moves four out of ten times. Their hand-to-hand specialist was gored from a tusk from thigh down; the other boy with the long sword had a dislocated shoulder from a harsh encounter with a tree as he was tossed to the side like a rag doll. Cloud himself faired little better for all his knowledge. His body just wasn’t what he needed it to be, and he was sporting several bruises and all around pain, though nothing sharp like the other two. He’d at least managed to ward off most of the really debilitating injuries.

Seeking to cover his comrade with the gouged leg, he dove in front with a burst of flame from the level one Spell material he’d been given before they’d left the barracks. A Behemoth didn’t particularly have any weaknesses that he knew of, but anything that made it back off with a roar of pain like that was good in his book. Gripping the light buster sword tightly in his hands, he focused hard, trying to find any one of his limit breaks. Naturally he wouldn’t have his precious Omnislash, but even a simple Braver or Cross-Slash would be a big advantage.

Feeling the pressure swell inside him, knowing by instinct it was Braver, he leapt up into the air and brought down his sword in a chopping motion toward the Behemoth’s head. It probably wouldn’t do much to the monster in terms of taking a lot of damage, but it would at least make a dent. 

Like he had expected, it didn’t cleave the Behemoth in two, he couldn’t be that lucky, but it did sport a long slice from the top of its head to its snout. Tasting its own blood like that seemed to drive it wild, into a rage that surprised Cloud. That he hadn’t been expecting. It also headed for their ‘weakest link’ and try as he might to drag himself away, their martial artist was never going to move fast enough. Cloud dived forward, placing himself in the path and braced his sword out horizontal to the ground in a guarding motion. He hoped he had enough bracing in his body to absorb most of the damage, though it would hurt like hell.

It never touched him.

The sound of leather hit his ears just before an even louder scream of pain from the Behemoth shattered the stillness of the air. Cloud blinked, having forgotten all about the fact that Sephiroth had been following behind them. The long blade of the Masamune was stained with the monster’s blood and it backed off briefly, its tiny brain coming out of its rage long enough to recognize a predator much more experienced and dangerous than itself. Instinct seemed to be kicking in and it was backing away, readying to run.

Sephiroth wasn’t about to give it that chance.

It was beautiful to watch the General fight. His movements were like a dance with a rhythm known only to battle and the man himself. He wielded the long, seven-foot blade as if it was an extension of his own arm. Anyone else would have found it unwieldy, an awkward thing to hold to when something was the same height as yourself, give or take a few inches, but for Sephiroth… 

The battle didn’t last long after that, just a few seconds as the legendary man himself dispatched the Behemoth with a long, deep slice to the throat. And with a trick known only to himself, he managed to dodge in time to avoid having any of the blood splatter on him or his leather armor. Cleaning the blade on the purple fur of the dead creature, he strapped it back in its place along his back and turned to the new SOLDIER firsts. 

To Cloud, his comrades’ fearful idolization was as clear to him as day over night was. He could sympathize with them, as he’d held that same emotion before towards Sephiroth. As their eyes met, cat-green to sky-blue, Cloud thought he would always feel some sense of idolization for the man, but it paled in comparison to everything else. Sephiroth had become a friend, and something far more, in the almost-year since he’d come back. He had yet to tell the man, of course, but what he’d told the General all those months ago wasn’t true anymore.

He knew what he was feeling now. The steady changing of his feelings, like a river moving inexorably downstream toward the ocean, was painfully clear. He didn’t question it anymore, how his idol-worship had changed to friendship then to like then to love. He had come into Sephiroth’s life and had a place beside Zack, seeing things no one else did. 

The hidden, small smiles that were so clear to him thrummed through every inch of his body when he saw them. The quiet, amused laughter when he found something funny were as loud to him as Heidegger’s guffaws and a thousand times more pleasing. And sometimes he found himself staying up most of the night watching Sephiroth sleep on those rare occasions they’d fallen asleep on the same bed after a heavy night of touching, kissing, and talking. 

He often found himself thinking that his life before, the one where he didn’t _know_ Sephiroth, to be unbearable. How could he ever stand to live without this man? The one that was awkward but warm in his feelings to those he felt he could trust with his life? Cloud suppressed a chuckle when he thought back on the things that went through his head. Only someone as besotted as himself would dare think such things about the great General, wanting the man as his own with a possessive streak only a lover was capable of. 

His introspection did last as long as he thought, the meeting of their eyes only a split second that had felt like eternity to him, and Sephiroth was gliding forward to assess their injuries. With a studying glance at the gored thigh, he cast a Cure 3 and then moved on to the dislocated shoulder. 

“This will hurt when I relocate it,” he warned and only waited long enough for the boy’s nod of acknowledgement before pushing it back into place. There was a cry of pain and Cloud was rather pleased about that, as he wouldn’t like to see more injury done if the young man had bit his lip instead and tried to keep quiet. He’d have likely pierced the skin trying to keep quiet and ‘dignified’. 

Cloud was the last one Sephiroth checked, getting down on one knee to be as level with Cloud’s crouching as he could. He could see in the man’s eyes why he’d been kept last: to avoid playing favoritism. The worry and caring was there, the urge to linger and check every bruise. He wasn’t sure _what_ feelings Sephiroth had for him, if they’d changed at all in the last almost-year that they’d been ‘dating’, but the fact that Sephiroth cared to that extent over him, wanting to fuss just a little over his injuries, sent a thrill up his spine and warmth filling his belly with pleasure.

“I’m glad you’re all right,” Sephiroth whispered to him. “I was worried and couldn’t stay behind watching any longer.”

He narrowly avoided having a blush show on his cheeks. They’d both agreed to keep their relationship quiet until he was at least first class and blushing in front of others like that would have given it away instantly. Still, he aimed a small smile at Sephiroth, seeing a quickly aborted move of the older man’s hand, probably to pat him on the head or something.

“One day you’ll have to explain to me how you know so much,” Sephiroth added. “That sort of knowledge is based on personal experience…of many battles with such monsters.”

Even as Sephiroth stood and addressed them as a whole, telling them they were heading back to the meeting point to go back to Midgar, even though he was filled with pleasure at the little gestures and whispers from Sephiroth, a cold pit of worry slid into Cloud’s stomach amid the butterflies.

His secret might not last as long as he would hope.


	13. Chapter 13

“Cloud’s birthday is tomorrow, you know.”

Sephiroth lifted his attention from the never-ending stack of papers he had to sign. In a few hours his wrist would start to cramp and a few hours after that, his back would ache. By the time midnight came around, he’d probably end up getting antsy to walk around and the paperwork would never get done. Then again, it never did, there was always more to do. However, that wasn’t now. It was only two in the afternoon and his lieutenant had taken to lounging on the sofa set against the wall. He’d not wanted it really, as that encouraged people to stay, but Zack had insisted.

“And?” Already he was getting a bad feeling about this…

“And it’s customary to throw a party—”

Oh no. He had to head this train off at the pass before it got momentum. “No.”

Zack gave him puppy eyes. “But why not? He’s your boyfriend and all, even! People do that for the person they’re dating!”

“I doubt Cloud would appreciate being shoved into a room with many people that don’t even know his name any more than I would.”

Even as he turned his attention back to his paperwork, he could tell by the way Zack was breathing, that he wasn’t going to get out of this so easily. Already he knew a headache would likely be forthcoming, but there was little to stop his lieutenant when he got something into his teeth.

“But it wouldn’t have to be a party like that! You can have a small party.”

“How small?”

“Tiiiny! Itty bitty even!”

“How small?” he repeated, eyes suspicious at his friend.

Zack grinned, as if he’d just won the argument. “Three people. You, me, and birthday boy!”

He was already starting to wonder what the catch was. Zack didn’t do things by half. If he wanted to do something, he often went all out for it, so him suggesting a three-person, intimate party was ringing alarm bells in his head. And yet, try as he might, he could not find a single ‘wrong note’ about the suggestion. Nothing untoward leapt to mind, no little trick Zack was trying to play that would embarrass the two of them. He did care for his friend and trust him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t very aware of his behavior.

“What does Cloud say?”

“Well, ya see…” Oh no… “I was thinking it’d be a _surprise_ party. You know, where the birthday person doesn’t know that we’re planning it.”

Sephiroth’s eyebrows hiked to his hairline. “You want to throw a party for someone without knowing if they’d even appreciate it?”

“Come on, it’s his fifteenth birthday! His first one in Midgar, even! _And_ he’s passed the exam, making it into SOLDIER all by himself, with not even one single hint from us!”

That was true, he thought, leaning back in his chair and tapping his pen idly against the paper on his desk that he was currently supposed to be perusing. Cloud had been determined to make it on his own. Not once had he ever asked for their advice, council, or even for special training. In fact, the only spar Cloud had allowed was that one with Sephiroth. Any attempt for a rematch, mostly suggested by Zack, had been declined. Nor would he allow Zack to help him study his books or material. Everything he was focused towards, he wanted to do by his skill alone, without any outside interference.

He couldn’t help admiring it.

“It won’t hurt anything! Spike will be gone most of tomorrow for a trip down to the Slums and we can set it up in your apartment long before he gets back. Then when he does, you can go down and ask him up, you being his boyfriend and all—”

“Only because he’d suspect something if you asked him.”

“—while I set up the ‘surprise’ portion!”

Zack was so excited over his idea, he’d gotten up off the sofa and was crowding Sephiroth at his desk, leaning over it until their faces were inches apart. His pen continued to tap on the desk, eying his lieutenant and friend with a jaundiced eye. “Why my apartment?” he asked at last.

“Because yours is the biggest and the only place that no one will interrupt, even for curfew. You know that Cloud is sharing a room now with another SOLDIER 1st and it’s barely bigger than a shoebox. My apartment is way too messy and cluttered and likely the guys on my floor would hear and want to join in. Yours is the best place for it!”

Sephiroth was weakening in his resolve and Zack smelled it, like a predator on its prey. “Come on, Seph. It’ll make him happy and you know it. I don’t think this place feels like a home to him yet and we’ve finally gotten him to relax around us. And maybe he’ll be relaxed enough that we can get what’s bothering him out of him.”

“No alcohol,” he warned emphatically. “You will _not_ get him drunk to pry him open like that.”

For once, Zack looked affronted, as if what he’d said truly hit him and made him irritated. “Of course not, Seph! He’s like my little baby brother! I want him to tell us willingly and without resorting to trickery like that! Do you really think I’d get him drunk for that?!”

He relented at the slightly angry expression on Zack’s face and admitted, “No, I don’t.” After a minute, he sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose and trying to think it through. He didn’t want to upset Cloud. Some instinct told him that Cloud had had enough of that in his life and he didn’t want to add more to whatever burden the young man was carrying on his shoulders. It was another reason why, as much as he wanted and needed to, he was holding off taking their relationship to the next level.

Sephiroth was very aware that their bodies wanted more than what they were getting, and their emotions wanted a deeper connection, but he was putting off having sex for as long as they could both hold out. He cared, perhaps too much, to push it right then. Cloud was irresistible, not just because of his ‘young-boy’ cuteness, but the maturity he saw there drew him like a moth to the flame.

There was no denying, at least to himself, that without that maturity, he didn’t think he would have felt anything, at least on an emotional level. Sure, he was and likely would be physically attracted to Cloud no matter what, but it would not have engaged his emotions, were he one of those childish recruits that idolized him from a distance and stammered whenever he got close, as if they didn’t have a brain in their heads. When he looked into those amazingly deep sapphire eyes, he saw equality there. There was the youth, but also an amazing wisdom and calmness. It was as if he was an adult in mind, if not in body. Age had trouble coming into play between the two of them.

The more he saw, the more he wanted, with a passion. He wanted to know what was beneath the mask. Cloud was a delicious set of contradictions and an amazing well of emotions that Sephiroth couldn’t help desiring to see all the days of his life. He never knew what to expect out of the young man and was often constantly surprised by his changing, never-still mind. He was like a drug to Sephiroth, dragging him further into a madness of a sort. Not the madness of a drug or crazy, as he was both wonderfully clear-headed and yet brimming with emotion when he was around Cloud, but something that couldn’t be defined. Was this what love was like?

“Hey.”

Sephiroth opened his eyes at the prompting, to find that Zack was sitting at his side on the edge of the desk and staring at him with serious violet eyes. That was rare and he wondered if the lapse into his thoughts had been that long of a pause to cause concern. “Yes?”

“In all seriousness, Seph. Do you love Cloud? To the point that the thought of him being gone in any way makes you a bit out of breath?”

“…Why the question?” he asked in curiosity. Zack was usually never this probing, for all the fact that he was constantly throwing them together and urging more. It was done more in a playful sense than really wanting to meddle.

Zack watched him for a minute, before he knelt, crouched down next to the silver-haired man’s chair and holding his gloved hand. A thumb ran over the mark ‘1’ that was tattooed there, though he couldn’t see it. “You know I support the two of you all the way—”

“Zack, the cameras—”

“Fuck the cameras, Seph!” The harsh voice was serious, staring up into cat-green eyes. “I need to know this, when it’s just you and me. It doesn’t matter if they find out because Cloud _isn’t_ a shrinking violet. He can take care of himself in a physical sense and he’s got protection from SOLDIER now. They can’t do anything to hurt him in terms of kicking him out. I love you both, you know that. Not romantic, but love in its own way, okay? And I _need_ to know.

“Seph, you’ve never really interacted with people on a social level other than me until recently and you’ve never dated anyone before either until Cloud. I want to help if you have questions or don’t understand something, but most of all, I want _you_ to know what you’re feeling. The expression on your face just then…”

“What did it look like?” He had to ask. He had never seen Zack so serious before, or at least on very rare occasions. He might not look it, but the black-haired SOLDIER was extremely protective of his friends, to a frightening degree.

“I’ve…never seen the like of it on your face, ever. I’ve been with you since Wutai, and I know you. I support you two wholeheartedly, you know that. You’ll probably not find someone who wants you two to be happy together more than me. It was just…it floored me a bit when I saw that expression because I realized that…that whatever it is, you felt deeply. 

“I’ve never seen your expression so soft in my life. Whether you know it or not, you’ve always got this ‘business’ kind of face, definitely military. As if you’re always thinking of tactics and what has to be done. Stiff, even. It usually makes your face look a bit harsh, like you were chiseled by someone out of marble but they didn’t smooth out the rough spots with a soft cloth. Right then, though… You looked so perfectly at peace and happy and the only thing that has changed in your life to cause that have been Cloud. You were so relaxed, and a real smile, not one of your tiny ones either, showed up. You were, in a word, beautiful.

“I’m just worried that you’ll feel a bit overwhelmed because you don’t talk about it and then…I don’t know, panic or draw away from Cloud without warning and hurt the both of you.”

Sephiroth stared at Zack in contemplation. He could see the anxiety in his friend’s eyes and knew that it was pure concern driving the man, not the desire to meddle. He’d never known Zack to pry if Sephiroth really didn’t want to talk about it. If he was very against sharing something, Zack never pressed forward anyway. He always backed off. That he was asking this now meant that he’d reached the limit of his worry and couldn’t hold back.

A surge of affection touched Sephiroth for Zack. There was no one like him anywhere else on the planet and Zack had been the first person that he’d ever gotten close to. His feelings were genuine and not because he was ‘the General’ and his superior. It was because they were friends and because of that, he would share his feelings, just to put aside the worry he saw there.

“You don’t need to worry, Zack. I’m well aware of my feelings and I can handle them. I don’t feel overwhelmed at all. To be honest, it was a very gradual change that prevented an ‘overwhelming’ feeling. I…love him now, but I didn’t before.”

“When you first met him, you mean?”

Sephiroth nodded. “At first, I thought it was a game he was playing. An odd one, to be sure, but a game nonetheless and I played along, wondering what the point was. I couldn’t help getting drawn in, though. The more I learned, the more I knew that I didn’t know anything about him. It’s the maturity that I see there that draws me to him. I don’t think I would have…fallen in love with him had he been the typical teenager. However…”

“You’re worried about him,” Zack supplied. “As worried as I am and have been ever since you two met.”

Reluctantly Sephiroth nodded. “Yes. He seems…a little better lately, but there are still things I would like to know. Like how he knew so much about Behemoths during that fight a few days ago. Most of that knowledge can be found in a text, I grant you, but not the ones ShinRa hands out. It can be gotten to, just not easily with a busy schedule like he has. He was also almost too detached in that fight, as if he’d done thousands like it.”

Zack’s expression was grim. “I want to help him, but we can’t do anything if he won’t tell us what it is. It’s like he’s got some sort of self-imposed mission. It’s still going to take a lot of time, if we try it the natural way. We’ve just got to gently weasel it out of him through patience.”

“Which, as I recall, has never been your strong suit.”

That smile came back in full force, the serious moment shattered. Sephiroth blinked when Zack surged to his feet to hug him and pat his head before dancing out of reach of any retaliation. With as much dignity as he could muster, Sephiroth fixed his mussed hair and glared at his lieutenant, but there was no real heat or anger to it. They were back on the easy ground, where their friendship lay. To an outside eye, with their little exchanges it might not seem as if they were really friends, but they were. Sephiroth could honestly say that he’d miss Zack very much if he were ever gone.

“So can we?”

Sephiroth blinked, having forgotten what they were talking about before. “Can we what?”

“Have the party for Cloud!”

He groaned a little, going back to his work as Zack nearly bounced around his office like a ping-pong ball. “If you are absolutely sure that he won’t dislike it or get angry, and if there is no alcohol in sight, then yes. You are free to ruin my apartment…within reason,” he added, pointing the back of his pen menacingly at his friend’s figure.

Zack’s joyful little crow of delight made him worry for the state of his home by the time tomorrow was done with.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the entire reason this work was labeled explicit instead of mature. not worksafe.

By the time Cloud trudged forward toward the building that held all the SOLDIER dorm rooms from 3rd to 1st, even the General’s rooms on the top most floor, he was exhausted. He glanced only briefly at the sign next to the doors that opened into the lobby for building. It was called ShinRa 2-2, though no one could figure out why. Maybe when it had been built, it was the second building of the second something. It didn’t mean much anymore, as there were now so many buildings and those who lived there affectionately called it ‘the shithouse’. 

He wasn’t sure _why_ exactly, but it probably had something to do with Zack being drunk and ‘christening’ the building with its new name.

It was as he was digging in the pockets of his new uniform, the closest facsimile he could get to what he wore when he was actually twenty-three and get away with in ShinRa, for his keycard that he realized someone was standing beside it. A small smile, one he couldn’t suppress, touched his lips upon seeing the imposing figure of the General waiting for him. He saluted only for the benefits of those that might happen to be passing by. “Yes, sir?”

“Follow me.”

Cloud did so quietly and it was only when Sephiroth felt they were in a place that was watched the least, a not-many chance of being interrupted by others, that their superior/soldier ranks disappeared. He’d tried, at first, to balance it out with their relationship and ranking, but it never worked. Whenever they were together, either by themselves or with Zack, he found himself forgetting the fact that Sephiroth was his superior. For whatever reason, it seemed to please his boyfriend.

Three kisses later and several wandering hands later, their version of ‘hello’s finished being exchanged, Sephiroth finally got around to why he had been waiting for Cloud in the first place. “How tired are you tonight, Cloud?”

Before his mind had even begun to process all the various meanings of that question, his heart started to pound. The most obvious one, to him, made him silently gulp. “Not that tired,” he lied. Sephiroth gave him The Look when he knew someone wasn’t being entirely truthful and he finally shrugged sheepishly. “Okay, I was exhausted when I came in, but I think you kissed it and made it all go away. I may not be full of energy, but I’m not exhausted anymore either.”

He saw the smile that only someone he or Zack would be able to find on Sephiroth’s face at his words. Though he tried not to be silly, knew he had no time for such things in the face of his ‘mission’, if it got Sephiroth to show a rare smile, he’d do it whenever he could. It had become so important to him lately that Sephiroth smile, really enjoy their time together like Cloud did. 

“Are you willing to visit my room with me?”

His mind said that clinched what the earlier question was about and a blush touched his cheeks. As if unable to stop himself, Sephiroth leaned forward and left a kiss on his heated face, which only made it worse. He didn’t know if his boyfriend knew just how romantic he often was. He rather doubted it, as Sephiroth seemed to be moved more with curiosity than anything else, wanting to explore things he had never done before, rather than the notions of ‘romance’ from books.

“Yes,” Cloud answered, just a bit breathily.

Sephiroth seemed pleased at the answer and he felt like he was floating a little with nervousness all the way through the elevator ride to the top floor. His room was on the bottom floor, as far from Sephiroth as it could possibly be while still being in the same building. It wasn’t surprising, he supposed. All SOLDIER 3rd classes were on the bottom floor. Second went to the second and third floors; First, fourth and fifth floors and the sixth was reserved for Sephiroth and a few of the higher ranked Turks that were given more room to accommodate their change in rank. Rumor had it that Tseng’s room, while not as large as Sephiroth’s, was on that floor.

Rumor also had it, if you knew who to talk to, that Rufus ShinRa knew the inside of that apartment by heart.

No matter how many of the handful of times Cloud had been in his boyfriend’s apartment, it never ceased to amaze him. How large it was and how it seemed to embody Sephiroth’s very essence: methodical, clean, and full of precision. Very rarely was anything out of place, except for perhaps in the bedroom from those times that Sephiroth was too tired to make his bed after getting up or just dropping something nearby to put away at some later point.

The apartment was dark when he stepped in, though that didn’t mean much, generally speaking, with mako-enhanced sight. Still, his injections weren’t nearly as much as Zack’s or Sephiroth’s, or when he’d been experimented on, so what would likely have been so utterly clear to either one of them, was still somewhat shady to him.

“Sephiroth, why are the lights off—”

“ _SURPRISE!_ ”

Cloud gave an undignified shriek of alarm at the sudden banishing of the dark with a light switch and within a blink, found himself clutching at Sephiroth’s larger mass next to him before he’d even thought about it, fingers digging themselves into the leather. His eyes were as wide as saucers, skin white as a sheet, and Sephiroth peered down at him worriedly, asking, “Are you all right, Cloud?”

Zack, on the other hand, was laughing so hard, he was clutching his side and one good kick by an irritated blond had him rolling on the ground and crying, he was laughing so hard. “S-S-S-Spike… you s-s-scream like a g-girl! S-so funny!”

He kicked at his friend repeatedly, not hard enough to hurt, but just something of a reaction to let out his frustration at being laughed at, but Zack’s cackling didn’t leave him room to breathe, much less bat away his futile attempts at silencing the hateful sound. It didn’t help that his moment of fright had gotten Sephiroth concerned over him, when he wanted to impress his boyfriend.

“What the hell was that all about anyway?!” he demanded, when Zack started wheezing instead of laughing, trying to calm down and stand up.

“H-Happy B-B-Birthday, Spike!”

“Stop laughing, you ass!”

“T-Trying, but you’re so hilarious!”

It reminded him that it was his birthday, at any rate. He’d forgotten. After a certain point, he’d not wanted to remember how old he was, because that brought memories he hadn’t wanted to the forefront. And ever since he’d been sent back, he’d had little time to dwell on such things. Glancing at his reflection in the glass wall of Sephiroth’s apartment, he still couldn’t recognize himself. His blue eyes now had a little bit of green tainting their edges. Not a lot, but enough that it was there. There were dark circles under his eyes, but he was at least seeing a little of the definition of his face and hints of what it would be like when he became an adult. 

“Hey, you with us, kiddo?”

Cloud blinked and glanced at Zack, seeing the concern behind the ever-present smile. “Yeah. You know, you really didn’t have to scare me like that. Unless you trying to _kill me_ is your birthday gift.”

“But it’s so fun to scare you! Man, do I wish I had a picture of you, even on video, when you screamed and clutched at your _lover_ like that. It was adorable, Spiky!”

“If I can pick my birthday present, can it be so that you aren’t allowed to talk to _anyone_ for a whole year until my next birthday? Because that would be the best gift of all,” he shot back, but he wasn’t really angry. Zack was just Zack and despite looking very undignified in front of his boyfriend, he didn’t mind it. It was…fun, even if the jokes were mostly at his expense.

“Nope, you get no say in the presents. Now sit that pert little butt down in a chair, Seph’s chair even, and we can get started!”

Cloud glanced at Sephiroth, still not quite having had the courage to start calling his boyfriend ‘Seph’ like Zack. He’d finally gotten past the ingrained ‘sir’ part. Sephiroth met his eyes and shrugged, gesturing to the chair he habitually sat in. As far as he knew, no one had ever sat there besides the man himself, though Zack had confided in him that he’d been dying to know what was so special about it.

Cautiously he sat down and with his heightened senses, was almost instantly overwhelmed by the presence that surrounded him. Sephiroth had apparently used this chair for years, enough so that his scent permeated the fabric, shape perfectly molded to his every contour. It had him blushing red in seconds because it almost felt as if he were sitting in Sephiroth’s lap, arms holding him tightly from behind. It did little to help dispel that impression, as the chair was one of those high, wingback chairs and taller than him when he sat down 

Zack was grinning like a loon, as if he had expected that reaction out of Cloud and he couldn’t help leveling a kick nearby that was easily dodged. Sephiroth, who had set out some drinks, disappeared into his bedroom only to come back a moment later dressed not in his habitual leathers but barefoot with a long-sleeved, white button up shirt on and some comfortable, black cotton pants. So used to it was Cloud that he didn’t even glance at the tattooed ‘1’ on the back of his lover’s hand.

“So, Spike, what’s it feel like?” Seeing his confused expression, Zack rolled his eyes. “Planet to Cloud, Plane to Cloud! Please come out of ‘Seph-lovey-dovey-world and enlighten us as to what the ‘holier-than-thou-that-none-but-Seph’s-ass-may-grace’ chair feels like!”

Cloud both blushed and tried to whap Zack for his cheekiness, even as Sephiroth’s expression didn’t change much, except for a faint crinkling of mirth at the edges of his eyes. “It…feels like Sephiroth,” he answered. It was the only thing that came to mind to describe it.

Even as Zack teased him about it, Cloud studied the room. Not much was changed except it had a bit more…color to it. There was a banner hanging over part of the glass wall, hung from hooks in the ceiling that said ‘Happy Birthday!’ in bold letters with a cake beneath it, candles all lit up. A table had been dragged between the two chairs facing each other and the sofa pulled closer to that so it all sort of clustered around the glass wall. With a well-placed, small Fire 1 spell Zack lit the fifteen candles on the cake that sat, in all its completely over-decorated glory. A few colorfully wrapped boxes sat nearby.

Though the black-haired SOLDIER tried his hardest, no amount of wheedling would get Sephiroth to even hum, much less sing, ‘Happy Birthday’ to him. He was somewhat grateful, as he thought his nerves might go into overload with Sephiroth _singing_ at him with some silly but cute ‘happy birthday’ song. Not that that inhibited Zack much; he was singing with such gusto, Cloud wondered if any of the other inhabitants of the floor would come banging on the door to shut him up. It _was_ getting quite late and some people wanted to sleep.

“Okay, Spiky! Make a wish and blow out them thar candles!”

Cloud laughed at the silly accent Zack used. He couldn’t honestly think of a wish, though. He’d basically gotten what he wanted right? A second chance for Sephiroth, for Zack, for Aeris, for everyone. Even for himself. He’d gotten that and it didn’t quite feel right, asking for more. Still, it was his birthday and birthday wishes were just words. They never really came true, far as he could tell.

_All right then. I wish…that Sephiroth stays as he is now and doesn’t go insane, that Zack doesn’t die at Nibelheim, and that we can all be happy. In other words…that everything turns out like I hope it will._

Part of him half-feared that Zack would play a joke on him with those candles that could never been blown out, but he hadn’t. For all that Zack used him as a butt for his jokes, constantly teasing him even now, he still apparently wanted to this to be special to Cloud and it made a feeling of warmth grow in him. How he’d missed Zack so much before. Now he treasured every precious moment with both these men.

“So what did you wish for?”

He looked up at Zack’s curious question. Remembering that if you told your wish you’d never get it, and just in case it _was_ true, Cloud answered with a grin, “For you to lose your voice for a year.”

“Hey!”

Getting in a good laugh at the mock-outraged expression, Cloud said, “Not really. I’ve already got my wish, so there’s nothing to ask for that I don’t already have.”

Zack blinked in surprise before gentleness tinged the edge of the teasing grin on his lips. “Aww, Spike! You’re gonna make me go all mushy! C’mere you!” 

“Gah!” Cloud tried to struggle out of the sudden snuggling he found himself in. “Who said it had anything to do you, you teasing jerk!”

“Because you’re too kind a person to not have something to do with your friends, he figures,” Sephiroth said, sitting in the other chair and sipping at his drink. Though he wasn’t sure what was in it, probably water or the like. As far as he knew, Sephiroth didn’t drink alcohol. And he wasn’t of age either.

With a parting ruffle of his spiky hair, Zack picked up the first of three presents on the table and handed it to him. “This here is from me.”

Cloud wasn’t surprised to find that the most flamboyant wrapping paper was used and on top of that, Zack had drawn a multitude of smilie faces on it. It made him snort a little in amusement and he took his time unwrapping it. Gifts were so rare to him that he never just tore straight into them like he was sure Zack did. And yet at least Zack wasn’t fidgeting in his seat in impatience. In fact, he seemed to enjoy watching Cloud unwrap the present as much as Cloud finding out what it was.

He hadn’t ever let on that he knew that Zack knitted, as he figured if Zack had wanted him to know, he’d tell him. As far as he knew, the only person that had been aware of such a gift that the black-haired man possessed was Sephiroth so he was surprised to find that inside the box in his lap was a hand-knitted, pale blue sweater. On the front hovering over the right most corner of his shoulder was a little chocobo head. Suspicious now, he flipped it over only to find it a mimicry of Sephiroth’s: there was himself on the back, chibi and next to him…

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” he muttered with a rueful grin as Zack howled in laughter, for on the back of the sweater next to his chibi self was a baby chicobo chewing on his hair and his chibi self was sitting on the ground looking _highly_ disgruntled.

“Did you…knit this?”

His careful question was returned with a smile and a nudge of his knee with Zack’s bare foot. “Yeah. Seph told me that he told you I knitted and since I figured you knew already… Been workin’ on it for a month or two in my spare time. Wasn’t planning on really giving it to you until Seph spilled the beans that you were told. So now you two are the only ones in the world besides my mother that knows I knit. This _is_ a state secret, more important than even President ShinRa’s honeybee underwear collection!”

Cloud laughed hard, remembering his own experiences in the ‘group room’ of the Honeybee Inn and getting a pair of underwear for all his effort just to rescue Tifa. “Thanks, Zack. Really.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Cloud grinned as he caught the slightly red color of Zack’s ears, a sure sign of embarrassment, as the man reached over to hand him the second box before taking up his customary seat on the sofa. 

“That’s from Seph, but he can tell you the story himself.”

It was a small box, about the size of his palm with single-colored wrapping paper. He unwrapped that just as carefully. A black box sat in its place and he carefully opened that, eyes widening at what he saw before looking up at his boyfriend, eyes clearly questioning.

For one of the earrings was an almost perfect replica of the wolf stud earring he had worn before he’d been sent back. The other was a small, dangling buster-shaped sword, rather tiny and a short chain so it didn’t get in the way. They were obviously a set, as the wolf’s eyes were the tiniest sets of rubies and on the hilt of the sword was a small ruby as well. 

“Zack showed me a detailed drawing he found in your room a few months ago when he helped you move to your new dorm and said that he saw several like it. You obviously liked it very much. And given your favored weapon…” When he trailed off, Zack nudged him to continue. With a slightly annoyed glance at his unrepentant friend, he added, “I owe Tseng a favor for it, but he was the only one that knew someone that could get the pair made in time for your birthday, with the quality that I demanded. If you don’t like them, they can always be exchanged.”

“No! No, not at all!” Cloud interrupted, holding the box tightly. “I love them, truly.” He had always had a soft spot for that wolf design and he had missed it. Whenever he was bored, he had found himself sketching the design of it onto any piece of paper within reach. 

“Go on, Seph, put them in!”

Sephiroth set his glass down and stood up, walking the short way over to the chair. “Would you like me to?”

“Y-Yes, please.”

The silver-haired man knelt before him, picking up the sword and ever so gently threading it into the hole in his ear. Getting his ears pierced had been a ‘graduation present’ from Zack when he’d first joined SOLDIER and enough months had passed that he could take out the standard studs that he’d had to wear to make sure they didn’t close up again. 

Those fingers were cool but firm as the pushed the back in to hold it in place and the sword felt like a ton of lead on his heated ears, cheeks also flushed red with a blush. Zack was snickering quietly, but nothing penetrated when his eyes met Sephiroth’s. Watching those long, slender hands pick up the wolf, another hand tilted his face to the right so that Sephiroth could see his left ear better in the light. Cloud could feel the calluses on his boyfriend’s hands from the sword work despite the fact that he wore gloves and it made him shudder a little.

“Are you all right?”

Cloud opened eyes that had instinctively closed, meeting Sephiroth’s gaze as fingers still idly traced the wolf that now rested in his left ear. “Couldn’t be better,” he answered just before he was tugged forward. Firm, chiseled lips brushed over his and he opened his mouth in an invitation that was immediately accepted by a long, slender tongue. Strands of silver hair fell over his shoulders as Sephiroth tilted his face up a bit more, looming over him even though he was bracing himself on his knees. Sure, Cloud knew that he would get taller as he got older, but for now he was still so…tiny in comparison to Sephiroth.

The kiss ended naturally, much to his surprise. Zack had given them ‘privacy’, of a sort, staring off into a direction that wasn’t at them and letting them have their moment. Though his friend didn’t see it, Cloud sent him a grateful smile anyway and relished the hands still holding his face before they let go and his boyfriend was moving across the room and back into his chair again.

Zack continued on as if the intimate moment hadn’t happened in his presence, not wanting to intrude on something that he had no business being in really. “Ah, and the last present! This is from the both of us.”

This wasn’t like the not-quite-useful but wonderful presents of before, such as Zack’s hand-knitted sweater or the earrings. This was a cellphone. Zack leaned forward and explained some of the buttons on this newer model that he wasn’t familiar with.

“This is so you can get in touch with us no matter where we are. The first number for quick dial is Sephiroth’s phone. The second one is mine. And don’t worry about not being able to afford it on your salary, it’s linked to both our accounts so we can take care of it.” Seeing his expression, Zack shook his head. “This isn’t because we’re babying you, Cloud. We just want to make absolutely sure that if you’re in a bind that you can’t get yourself out of, you can get to help no matter what. We’ve always got our phones nearby. And as soon as you get higher in rank and more pay, we’ll transfer it over to your account so you can pay it. Right now, you can’t afford this and don’t try to pretend you can.”

Cloud had been afraid of this. Not the phone, but the reason behind it. They didn’t know what he knew since he wouldn’t confide in them, but they were determined to help in any way they could. He could see the many reasons for such a thing as a cellphone and though it made him happy, it also made him more determined than ever to get past his sixteenth year without the burning of Nibelheim. He couldn’t allow himself to entertain the thought that it could happen at any other time. Nibelheim. Sixteen years old. Fire. Insanity. Death. It all happened at the same time and if he could just get past that…

“Thanks,” he said with a grin, tucking it away in his shirt. 

Zack watched him seriously for a moment, as if he’d read every thought that had gone over his calm face before smiling. He knew his friend was disappointed even if he couldn’t see it, but that Zack was willing to let it go made him love his friend even more.

The ‘party’, as it were, lasted only an hour or two longer before Zack excused himself with a sizable amount of cake and headed back to his room, leaving him alone with Sephiroth. He didn’t know if Sephiroth had planned another ‘present’ for him or not.

“Would you like to stay?”

Cloud swallowed and nodded. “I’ll just take a quick shower, I’m all dirty from the Slums.”

Sephiroth had barely time to nod before he’d beat a hasty retreat into the bathroom. His heart was pounding hard against his ribs and he could feel his face heating up. He wasn’t sure now, if he ever was, what Sephiroth had planned for that night. Still, he was covered in grime and was grateful enough to wash it off his skin and beat the dust off his clothes. He took his time, hoping to calm his nerves, but they never settled down.

His boyfriend was sitting in bed reading when he hesitantly appeared in the doorway. No matter how many times this had happened, albeit not a lot, he still couldn’t quite enter the bedroom with any degree of confidence. As he always did, Sephiroth lifted his head and smiled slightly. 

“I kind of borrowed your shirt.”

“I can see that,” Sephiroth answered, eying Cloud wearing a shirt much a clone of the one that the silver-haired man currently wore except it was dark blue. “I don’t mind, before you ask.” He paused, seeing the slightly nervous edge to his movements as he stood there. “If you’re not comfortable, I wouldn’t hold you to stay…”

“It’s fine,” Cloud answered, though in truth, his heart was fluttering so fast he feared he might have a stroke. Setting down his clothing in a neat pile on a chair near the door, he turned and headed for the bed.

Sephiroth pulled him close as soon as he was in reach, a gradual but strong motion, always leading but never overbearing. Lips were on his again within moments, but this wasn’t the kiss of a few hours ago. This was motivated not only by feelings but also by a physical passion. A passion he found himself responding to, straddling wider hips and feeling muscular thighs beneath him as he sat down.

The position didn’t last long before Sephiroth had rolled them over until Cloud was lying on the bed beneath him. It appeared to be the silver-haired man’s favorite position and it wasn’t long before those enticing hands had wandered under the shirt he wore and was stroking his burgeoning desire.

“I find you arousing wearing just that shirt,” Sephiroth whispered hotly in his ear and Cloud shuddered. Hands tugged his boyfriend out of those black, cotton pants and a low moan was the only sound of the pleasure that he induced.

Sephiroth was always quiet when they pleasured each other, elegant even in this, though Cloud always enjoyed seeing the expressions going over his boyfriend’s face. Sephiroth didn’t hide them from him, letting Cloud see what he was feeling. It was a point of trust that made the butterflies in his stomach go wild with happiness. 

His hips were lifted a little, erections pressed together and the rocking of their hips created delicious friction that made Cloud gasp and cry out a little. He never got used to this no matter how many times they did it. However, it was also the first time in such a casual, no-rush moment. Neither of them had anywhere to be. There was no work waiting for Sephiroth to finis before the end of the day; there was no class or evaluation or minor mission that Cloud had to go on. It was just the two of them, relaxing and able to take their time. 

It was the most that they’d been undressed with each other. Much like the reason they were always hurried, clothes were often never had a chance to be taken off. Cloud took the opportunity and tentatively unbuttoned that white shirt, Sephiroth shrugging it off in a motion that he barely seemed to notice, attention mostly on kissing Cloud’s neck. His eyes took in every rippling muscle before him.

Sephiroth’s leather armor gave hints as to what he looked like beneath it, strong hints, but still… Seeing the man with his whole torso bare was a something he’d never expected and it was beautiful. Skin wasn’t pale but wasn’t bronzed either; fingers found and traced scars left behind from battle, things that didn’t heal quite properly despite accelerated healing and cure Materia. His arms slid around to feel that moving spine as their hips thrust together into Sephiroth’s hand. Power was coiled in every muscle of Sephiroth’s body, the very definition of ‘masculinity’, for despite his long, silky hair, this man could in no way be called feminine or anything related to it. 

Though his memories of the time before, when Sephiroth had gone insane, were still very much there, other memories amid that of gentle kisses, hugs, touching, and talking pressed them back. They gave him hope for this new future to be better than the last. Even, perhaps, give Rufus a chance and see what he might do with ShinRa before it was defunct. After what happened with Kadaj, Cloud had had little choice to acknowledge that Rufus’ intentions at least had been pointing _toward_ the right thing, at any rate even if he didn’t agree with the methods. Of course, he could be wrong; it could be only that the near death experiences he’d had had changed him, but Cloud thought perhaps it was more than that.

Cloud hadn’t been paying attention to where Sephiroth’s other hand had gone until he felt a wet finger pressing against his ‘entrance’ that had always been an exit until now. He wasn’t stupid; he had done his research on how men had sex and apparently so had Sephiroth. It made his heart flutter a little in his chest, wondering if they really would make that final step forward in their relationship. Part of him felt that they needed to wait, that he wasn’t ready for it, but still another portion screamed out for that completion.

It felt awkward and strange, but Sephiroth was gentle, using kisses to distract him as he slid in a second and gently worked him wider. “Sephiroth…”

“Don’t worry, I used the lotion on the table.”

Ah, he hadn’t noticed that. Still…he clenched around those fingers as they started up a gradual, piston motion into him to match the thrusting of their hips, still creating that pleasing friction. Something sent a blinding surge of pleasure through him when those fingers found his prostate and he cried out as he climaxed, making the shirt he wore sticky. His own completion triggered Sephiroth’s and they panted against each other’s lips, taking soft and almost chaste kisses.

Fingers pulled out of him and a tissue was grabbed, the silver-haired man cleaning his chest before pulling off Cloud’s shirt and putting it in a hamper that he had never noticed, sitting in a darkened corner of the room. He blinked in surprise when Sephiroth came back only to pull the sheets over them both as he climbed into bed.

“Sephiroth?”

“Sleep, Cloud.”

“But…”

“Another time. There’s no rush.” Even as his eyes slipped closed, his exhaustion catching the better of him, he heard whispered into his ear, “And I don’t think you’re ready for it just yet.”


	15. Chapter 15

Cloud couldn’t hear anything past the roaring in his ears. If at any point in his life that he’d felt that what he’d done was wrong, it was now. It was barely a week after his birthday celebration and he felt the floor dropped out from under him. He was actually surprised his heart was still beating, given the terror and horror that touched him.

“What…did you say?”

“I said,” Zack repeated with happy glee, completely unknowing what was shredding up Cloud’s insides, “that we’re going to Nibelheim! And you’re going with us! Come on, look more excited here. We went to bat for you on this mission because we know you’re from Nibelheim.”

“Th-thanks.”

 _Wait, wait, wait! This isn’t supposed to be happening! It’s supposed to be sixteenth! On my sixteenth birthday! I just turned fifteen last week! This is all wrong, it wasn’t supposed to happen yet! Why is everything rushing so fast?!_ Sure, Cloud had considered himself prepared, knew that things wouldn’t go exactly the same way as before, but it was one thing to think it and another thing to know it. The fact that they were going to Nibelheim in two weeks had thrown all his carefully constructed plans into chaos. _Is this my punishment for trying to cheat fate? How can I possibly keep Sephiroth from going insane now? When I’m like this? I don’t have the strength to keep up with him, fight him and hope to keep him from losing his sanity!_

“Hey, Spike…you sure you’re okay? You’re white as a sheet. Did you not want to go back?”

Cloud blinked, seeing Zack staring at him in concern. He forced a smile, but he was sure it was obvious that it _was_ forced. He didn’t feel happy, he felt stark raving terror. He’d been flying by the seat of his pants for a while now, but he’d always had some sort of guideline from his memories. The exams for SOLDIER candidates were still held on the same date, Zack and Sephiroth’s missions were still usually the same and at the same time… But this was a whole year early, which meant everything could be different. What if Zangan wasn’t teaching Tifa yet? What if…he had to wake up Vincent early?

“Why…are we going? Is it about…a mako reactor?”

Zack looked at him in misgiving at his smile and sat down in the well-worn chair in the small lounge area of the SOLDIER dorms on the first floor. “Nah, nothing like that. Far as I know, the reactor is working perfectly.”

 _Another difference…_ “Then why?”

“Well you know those corporate heads don’t tell us anything, but theory has it that it’s Hojo pulling strings. He’s got some stuff in the mansion up there that he wants brought down here, research and all that apparently.”

Cloud forced himself to sit down casually next to his friend. “Then why send—”

“A whole regiment, led by Sephiroth himself? Worried about the locals, mostly. Apparently the ShinRa mansion isn’t well liked up there, the people don’t want it there, and there was rumors that they tried to burn it down once for some reason, but couldn’t because of a freak blizzard that hit just at the time they were going to set it on fire. Whatever is in there that they don’t like, assuming there actually _is_ anything in there besides rotting floorboards, Hojo’s all worried about the townsfolk taking exception and trying to destroy them.”

“What about the Turks? Aren’t they better equipped to handle a job like that?”

The black-haired SOLDIER snorted and waved his hand dismissively. “Like Rufus ShinRa would allow his precious Turks to do anything for Hojo. I don’t care what the books say, they’re more loyal toward Rufus than they are to that President of theirs and it’s well known that Hojo and Rufus hate each other about as much as Seph hates Hojo.”

“That…”

“…seems impossible, huh? But I’m serious. I caught them in an argument once, a real bad one. Tseng was in background as usual and Hojo and Rufus were close to a screaming match. Apparently Hojo had tried to filch one of the Turks for experimentation and Rufus took exception to his people being used as guinea pigs.”

He looked at the tabletop thoughtfully, tracing the patterns on it made by the wood of the tree left behind. Well that was an unexpected thought. He hadn’t known Rufus cared that much about the Turks or had that much of a heart. “I wonder why.”

“Wonder why what?”

“Why it bothers Rufus that the Turks could fall into Hojo’s hands. I mean, he doesn’t seem to care if other SOLDIERs do, or even Sephiroth. So why just the Turks?”

Zack eyed him a bit before shrugging. “Why don’t you go ask him? I wouldn’t make the mistake thinking he’s a good guy, he’s just as ruthless as his daddy in his own way, but he doesn’t seem quite as heartless just yet. I could be wrong, though. Still, even if he is, I have hopes that if he can get around some decent people, he might not become like his old man. He’s still young, only a few years older than you, so it’s not all ingrained into his brain yet that he has to be an asshole.”

Cloud thought of Rufus in his wheelchair, looking distinctly humbled by his experiences and his speech about repaying the planet, and most importantly his actions in trying to do so. He didn’t think he’d ever really like Rufus ShinRa, though he couldn’t actually pinpoint a single incident that really made him hate the guy. It wasn’t him that had dropped the plate on the second seven slums. With so many things changing, it was hard to know what to expect, really. Rufus could turn out to be better, or so much worse, than the last time before he’d gone back and messed things up.

“Maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

He blinked, drawn out of his thoughts to find Zack staring at him again. “Nothing.”

Another of those inscrutable looks were sent his way. “We leave at the end of next week. Theoretically, it’s only supposed to last a day or two, but you never know with a ‘Hojo mission’. So keep your eyes open, okay? I have a feeling that something might go wrong.”

Cloud forced a laugh. “You suddenly psychic?”

It didn’t help his state of mind that Zack didn’t smile like he was hoping and instead shrugged. “Nah, but sometimes I get feelings about a mission from time to time and when they happen, they tend to be right. Kind of like a sixth sense. You’ll get it too eventually, Cloud. A SOLDIER just learns these things after so many missions.”

 _Too bad I already **know** something bad is going to happen,_ he thought with an inward slump.

-0-0-0-0-0-

The week went by incredibly fast just because Cloud didn’t want it to. He felt disjointed from everything in a way. Sephiroth and Zack were the same as always, routines were still observed, and the executives remained as aloof as they had been, but to Cloud, it was as if he was standing on the sidelines. His mind was constantly at work, trying to figure out where this was all leading. He had to know where it was going to figure out how to stop it.

Maybe it was the ripple effect. He had thrown a stone lightly into a pond and one ripple started, and that started another, and another after that. It was the only way he could explain the deviation from what he knew. Cloud had always just _assumed_ that the burning of Nibelheim was a constant, and would happen when he was sixteen, no earlier or later. Why he had thought that, he didn’t know, as he no basis for it, but it had just felt that way. Not once in his memory did he recall hearing of a mission to Nibelheim prior to what had happened when he was sixteen. As far as he knew, it had been the one and only time that Sephiroth, as a man, had stepped foot in the little mountain town.

That was all about to change.

His heart filled with anxiety, Cloud got into the truck with two Second class SOLDIERs, Zack, Sephiroth, and two regular troopers. It was the same one that he’d been in when he was sixteen. Everything about that trip was burned into his memory so that he even recalled the small dent in the back door. 

He said very little, despite Zack, and even Sephiroth occasionally, trying to get him to talk. Cloud hoped they assumed that the pale color of his face was motion sickness and not nerves, because he wasn’t interested in being grilled about what his problem was, either in the truck or at the town.

Cloud was desperately paying attention to every detail and he had a laundry list of things that compared what happened before to now. The timing of it was different; the truck was the same; the crew was different; he was different; there was no attack on them by a dragon; the route was identical; the weather a perfect copy. It was the first time since he’d been sent back that he really had no idea what was going on. It was like someone had just pulled the rug right out from under him.

It was nightfall when they arrived, which was also different. Because there had been no delay from the dragon, they had kept at least an hour, perhaps more, of their trip from happening. His stomach tying itself in knots, Cloud stepped out of the truck and peered around him through the heavy rain. If things continued as it should in his memories, by tomorrow morning the rain would stop and they would have clear skies.

Willpower alone kept him breathing. For so long he’d lived with the knowledge that Nibelheim was gone. Even after they’d returned, chasing Sephiroth and the reunion business with the town rebuilt, it hadn’t been the same. It had been artificially populated with people who were paid by ShinRa or really had no clue what had gone on. ShinRa’s version of wiping clean the blemishes of history and it had sent a terrible ache through his heart. His own home had been rebuilt down to a T, but his room hadn’t been his room and the person living there wasn’t…

But the place he was looking at was the _real_ Nibelheim. People he’d grown up with and knew all his life lived here. Sure they were indoors now and likely sleeping through the rain, but he could see it. The lived-in feeling of the town was as clear as day, from the not-quite-perfect roof of Tifa’s best friend, to the crooked chimney of the Inn. It wasn’t like the clearly patented ‘ShinRa attempt’ with pristine walls and perfectly placed blocks and utter lifeless expressions.

“Gonna stand all night in the rain, Spike?”

Zack’s jibe from where he stood in the doorway to the Inn caught Cloud’s attention and he realized that he was the only one still outside. The truck had been parked out of the way of traffic and everyone had gone inside except himself. He’d been lost in his thoughts on the town that he could see clearly even in the dark, amid the heavy rain. Sephiroth moved to join Zack in the doorway, his cat green eyes watching him in contemplation.

Maybe it was Zack’s ‘sixth sense’ kicking in, but somehow he had a feeling that they were going to push the issue during this trip. His denials and excuses and diversions were running out. He had none left to tell them that they would believe and they would not accept just silence or an ‘I can’t tell you’. They were his friends and they would help even if he didn’t want them to.

Cloud hurried from where he stood into the Inn and Sephiroth handed him a towel he’d obviously been waiting with. Though his expression was as always when he was in public, there was a warmth to his gaze when their eyes met and it sent a shiver of feelings through him. No, there was no way he could bear to lose Sephiroth, not now.

“You’ve got the pick of the Inn, gentlemen,” stated the Innkeeper, whose name he had, amazingly enough, forgotten. Forgetting those little details made Cloud worried, because if he forgot them, what else was he liable to forget? “There’s a room for the General by himself, naturally, and one for three of you SOLDIERs, and for the rest, another room.”

“It isn’t necessary to have a room by myself.”

Sephiroth’s statement caught the aging Innkeeper by surprise and there was a flash of…fear in his eyes, which made no sense to Cloud. Was he scared that if he didn’t give the famous General his own room that ShinRa would somehow find out about it and descend on him? Somehow shut him down or kill him? Were the people in Nibelheim always this paranoid or was this something else that was changing?

“I will share a room with my Lieutenant, and if you have a room big enough, the rest of my troop will share a communal room. That only uses two and is more economical and costs less.”

Cloud used the towel to dry his hair and the action hid his proud smile…not to mention his amusement. Watching the stuffy older man flounder for words was actually funny, though some part of him was horrified at himself that he dared find anything amusing about this mission. This was a very serious affair, one that would end up deciding the fate of the person he loved. He shouldn’t want to laugh!

A few more exchanges and finally the deal was settled, as Sephiroth had asked for it. Despite being soaked and mud coating their boots, they headed upstairs. He could tell that the two ShinRa troopers were tired, though he himself was feeling still vaguely energetic, likely from the mako injections. In fact, all the SOLDIERs present and Sephiroth included, seemed to feel the same as himself in that regard. One of the SOLDIER 2nd’s seemed to actually be fidgeting with stored up energy from the drive that he’d been unable to let out.

“Strife, come here. You’re a native here, aren’t you?”

Cloud detoured from heading to their new ‘barracks’ and instead followed after Sephiroth and Zack as they went to their room. If he’d been younger, it would have seemed odd to him, but he knew that it was mostly a ruse. Sephiroth wouldn’t need his ‘knowledge’ of the town or the landscape to find the ShinRa mansion, but it would also scream favoritism if he was asked just because to join the General and Zack, especially since he was only a SOLDIER 3rd rank.

As soon as the door closed behind them, a gloved hand wove it’s way into Cloud’s spiky blond hair and lips were on his. Cloud kept it more on the chaste side, knowing that Zack was there and grinning like a loon at them, which Sephiroth didn’t seem to particularly mind, so long as he was allowed to explore the insides of Cloud’s mouth with his tongue. He seemed to have a particular fascination with such deep kisses, which usually invariably led to something more.

“Well, when you two are finished making out over there—No, Seph, that does not require a correction, it’s a figure of speech.”

“I was well aware of that,” was the calm answer and Sephiroth let him go and headed for the nearest, and only, chair. Zack didn’t seem to care that he was left with one of the beds for a seating arrangement and flopped down on it hard enough to make the bedsprings creak in protest.

Cloud sat down on the edge near the foot of the other bed, but his throat closed on any words he might have wanted to say. They were watching him expectantly, clearly wanting him to explain something, but he had no idea what to tell them. He knew what they wanted to hear, they wanted to hear the unfettered truth, but…

“You’re not leaving this room until you tell us, Spike.” Cloud glanced for support from Sephiroth and only saw a firm nod in agreement to Zack’s words.

“I…can’t tell you.” It was the lamest thing he’d ever said, but it was the first thing out of his mouth. There were no more excuses coming to mind. Everything was a blank slate, something he’d already tried before. “And I’m not sure what it is you’re wanting me to tell you in the first place.”

“Okay then, we’ll narrow it down. How about starting with why you’ve been as white as a sheet since I mentioned Nibelheim a week ago?”

A moment of clarity hit Cloud and he almost breathed a sigh of relief as an answer came to him. “I have…unpleasant memories of this place. I didn’t really want to see it again.” And that was the utter truth…just not in the way that it would seem.

“Uh huh,” Zack muttered skeptically. “And your inexplicable knowledge of monster characteristics that you don’t generally read in books?”

“I listened when the other SOLDIERs talked.”

“What about your attitude?”

“Attitude?”

“You act like a SOLDIER 1st does, Cloud. You’ve got the same confidence, the same air. You know tricks that you only get from experience. You’re not even the same Cloud that I knew when he first joined. It was like he went to sleep one night and you woke up instead. I’m not saying that I don’t like you or anything, but I really can’t think of you and he as the same person—”

“Zack—”

“Cloud.” Sephiroth’s voice cut through both of theirs and he winced, reluctantly looking at his lover. Or rather, the General. It wasn’t his lover that was staring out of those green eyes, but his commanding officer. There was just that subtle difference, that shift, but knowing both sides, it was as clear as day to Cloud. “We’ve been patient, exceptionally so. We’ve waited for you to come to us. However, this has gone on long enough. Ever since Zack mentioned Nibelheim, you’ve been distracted. You randomly lose focus in practice matches, you get so lost in thought you walk right past your dorm room, and just now, you stood in the rain for ten minutes and it took Zack almost shouting at you to get your attention back. I can’t have this in my squad. Clearly whatever is bothering you is detrimental to your well-being and ability to function. Tell us what’s going on.”

“I don’t want to,” he whispered, one last hope. Cloud didn’t know what telling Sephiroth or Zack what happened would do. It could prevent the tragedy or it could expedite it.

“We’re aware you don’t, but I’m afraid you’ve left neither of us a choice except to take this route. What happened to make you like this?”

“…You killed everyone.”


	16. Chapter 16

“I what?”

Cloud hung his head to avoid seeing the confused and unhappy frown marring Sephiroth’s good features. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw an even more nonplussed look on Zack’s face. “Who’d Sephiroth kill?”

Where did he start? There was so much to say… “I guess I should start by saying that I’m not…well, normal. Remember how you said I woke up differently? I’m sort of…not from here.” Seeing he was only making this even more unclear, he sighed. “My mind is actually twenty three years old. You see, I talked with this strange woman and she gave me this vial and it sent me back to the past and—”

“Okay, slow down kiddo,” Zack interrupted, sitting up and rubbing his head. “What does this got to do with Seph killing people?”

Cloud’s shoulders slumped. He had absolutely no idea how he was going to explain this with any coherency. “Um…let me start this a different way. The last time I was sixteen, I hadn’t made it into SOLDIER. I was still a regular trooper that was sent along with the General and a SOLDIER 1st named Zack Fair. We went to Nibelheim because of a problem with a reactor.

“Once there, General Sephiroth found some books left behind by Hojo and his teacher, Professor Gast. He learned that they had found what they had thought was an Ancient. Her name was Jenova. They were doing tests and experiments when Gast found a real Ancient and learned that Jenova wasn’t an Ancient, but a ‘calamity from the skies’. Basically she was the enemy of the planet and the Ancients. Taking this Ancient with him, Gast and her escaped, leaving Hojo in charge of the experiments.

“Hojo, he…” This was the really difficult part and he swallowed thickly. “He convinced his wife, who was pregnant, to allow him to infect the womb with Jenova cells. Her name was Lucretia. She was told after the child was born that he’d died, though I don’t know if she ever believed Hojo. The child was named…Sephiroth.”

Cloud couldn’t help pausing in his narrative to look at his lover, but there was nothing in his face to give him any hint as to what the man was feeling. It made his stomach clench up, because he didn’t know whether to continue or not. Well, he couldn’t stop, they’d probably kill him, but he had no idea what he was saying was causing. He could imagine this wasn’t easy to hear, but only Sephiroth knew what he was feeling or what he would do.

“Wait a second, you’re saying this as if it’s already happened and you said this was when you were sixteen. You just turned fifteen a few weeks ago!” Zack protested.

He glanced at the black-haired SOLDIER. “Like I said, my mind is twenty-three years old. I was sent back to this time, back to what I know as the past, to try and fix what went all wrong. I went to sleep one day when I was twenty-three and the next, I was fourteen.”

“But that—”

“Let him continue, Zack.”

Sephiroth’s words silenced the other man and Cloud gulped audibly. “According to Sephiroth of back then, he was told that his mother was Jenova, which I suppose in a way was true, because he had so many of her cells in him. Lucretia…died shortly after being told what happened to her baby. Anyway, most of what happened to Sephiroth, I’m sure is the same as right now. Back to when I was sixteen…When we came up to Nibelheim to check on the reactor, Sephiroth found the basement in the mansion with all the books, but they weren’t right. 

“They were written when they assumed Jenova was an Ancient. Gast didn’t leave any writings after he found out that Jevona wasn’t one, because he’d run away from ShinRa. So what Sephiroth was reading wasn’t true, but it…well…I don’t really know for sure what happened, because I’m not Sephiroth, but the books, the false information, the idea that he’d been created in such a way, thinking he was a monster…It drove him insane.

“He started attacking and killing everyone in Nibelheim, burning it to the ground and heading for the reactor. Jenova’s body was kept there. To make a very long story somewhat shorter, Sephiroth managed to reach the inner chamber and pulled Jenova’s head off. He was saying things like he was meant to rule the planet. Zack kept trying to reason with him, but he was severely injured. I…I stabbed him. I stabbed Sephiroth. I think it was only sheer surprise that I succeeded when I attacked. He…stabbed me back and then jumped into the mako beneath, clutching Jenova’s head.

“Hojo found Zack and I unconscious in the mako reactor and we were brought to the basement of the ShinRa mansion. For five years we were experimented on. Hojo seemed shocked that I had managed to ‘kill’ Sephiroth and I guess he wanted to figure out how I succeeded when a SOLDIER 1st hadn’t. I didn’t take to the mako well, but Zack was at least able to keep his mind in some semblance of order. He finally got us both out, though my mind was gone. I was aware of what was going on to some extent, I could see, but I couldn’t move my body at all.”

Realizing he was rambling, Cloud reigned in his story to be more concise. This was as painful as he expected it to be and he found the pattern of the blanket on the bed to be far more interesting looking at than either of the two other men in the room. Fingers picked at the threads idly. “Anyway, the Turks were told we’d broken out and they went hunting. They found us. Zack protected me, but he ended up dying. They thought I was already dead, so they left me there, out on the outskirts of Midgar. My mind was so messed up that I thought I was Zack and my memories got all screwed around.

“Anyway, some stuff happened and we found out that Sephiroth wasn’t dead, at least not in the strictest sense. I couldn’t help it; I had to stop him before he was killing more people. He’d already come through ShinRa while me and a few others were being held in cells and…in a way, I guess he let us out, or at least me. My cell was unlocked when I woke up. There was a blood trail, leading up and…Masamune was sticking out of President ShinRa’s back.

“More stuff happened as we kept following Sephiroth, all the way up to the Northern Crater where they’d found Jenova to start with. All the five years in the mako tubes with Hojo had given me abilities like a SOLDIER 1st and with Zack’s expertise in my head… I tried to confront Sephiroth several times, but I was completely taken over because we shared Jenova cells. Hojo had infected me too, but Sephiroth had so much… By the time Sephiroth had found out that Jenova wasn’t an Ancient, it was already too late to bring him back from the insanity. Instead of wanting to rule the planet, he had decided on destroying it, trying to find the Black Materia to bring down meteors.

“Long story shorter again, I was forced to give up the Black Materia to Sephiroth and was lost in my head for awhile before I finally sorted out that I’d never made it into SOLDIER and that I was using Zack’s memories and not my own. Thanks to Aeris, who Sephiroth…killed, we had the Holy Materia and we, some friends and I, headed up to the Northern Crater to finally fight Sephiroth for the last time, or so I hoped. It took…a very long time and more will than I thought I had. I’d always, always looked up to Sephiroth as an idol of mine, and to kill him even though he was insane…

“Anyway, we did eventually save the planet and Holy stopped Meteor, but Midgar was destroyed. Edge soon propped up around Midgar where people were living. A disease was hitting people indiscriminately, even I was infected. We called it Geostigma. When the body fought too hard against anyone supposedly infect with Jenova cells, or something like that. Vincent explained it to me once, but I didn’t really get it. All I knew was that it was killing people, children, me. And three clones of Sephiroth’s were trying to create another reunion, get everyone together so they could resurrect Sephiroth for ‘mother’. Mother being Jenova. In essence, Kadaj was sort of Sephiroth in ‘larvae’ form.

“They’d hunted up Jenova’s neck and when he absorbed the extra cells, he…became Sephiroth for a short time. This time I had to fight him by myself. I didn’t know if I could do it by myself, but I think I succeeded because Sephiroth was in a body that wasn’t really his. I, we, had already obliterated that. The last thing he told me before he disappeared was that…he would never be a memory. I knew it meant that we’d be fighting, probably again and again. At that time, I was twenty-three and savior of the world notwithstanding, I knew that we’d never stop fighting. We had developed this sort of…symbiosis. I never said anything, but sometimes I used to wonder if it was because somehow he was living through me that he kept coming back. I thought about killing myself, but then I wondered if I was dead and he came back, who would stop him? What if me dying didn’t stop him from coming back?

“I was still feeling lost when I was given a vial that said I could go back into the past. That maybe I could prevent it. However, it was a double-edged sword. If I risked it, it meant that if I couldn’t stop it somehow, it could end up ten times worse. Even with Aeris’ death, Zack’s death, the destruction of Midgar and everything we went through, I knew it could be so much worse. We’d gotten off lightly, with what Sephiroth was capable of doing.”

He could feel the heavy stares on him now that he was coming close to the end of his story and his hands balled into fists. “But I wanted my mentor back so badly. I remembered what Sephiroth was like before and…I risked it. Without asking anyone’s opinion or advice, I drank it and woke up when I was fourteen again. When I fainted, I was just so…overwhelmed. To see Sephiroth back as he should have been…

“Things are different now. I’ve made it into SOLDIER, though I hadn’t before. I know, really know, Sephiroth.” As much as Cloud didn’t like it, he didn’t think he could say any of this if he didn’t act like Sephiroth wasn’t in the room. “I panicked in the hospital room when I saw Sephiroth leaving and told him I loved him. I hadn’t known at the time that those words would become true. I’d never met Sephiroth more than three times before and suddenly we were friends and spiraling to something far more…

“One day I realized that I’d never really known Sephiroth; that the feeling of ‘betrayal’ that I’d had was a pale thing indeed compared to the pain that Zack must have gone through, seeing Sephiroth go insane. Now that I know him, now that we’re…more than friends, I can’t bear the thought that something would happen to him. If I fail to stop it, everything that I love in Sephiroth will die and I don’t think that I’d have the heart to stop him again.

“I was expecting this mission to Nibelheim to happen when I was sixteen. I’d…expected it to happen there. I had no proof, but I just thought it would. When it didn’t, I…I’m at a loss now. I don’t know what’s going to happen. If I don’t know what’s going to happen, how can I protect Sephiroth? I’ve been working so hard to get back to the point where I was when I was in my twenty-three year old body, but it’s hard work. I still don’t have the strength to be equal just yet and I…

“So now you know.”

Every second of silence was like a stabbing pain through him. Sephiroth hadn’t said a word and when Cloud risked a glance up, his face was completely unreadable. It made his insides quake with fear and something that had never occurred to him to worry about came to his mind. His hands suddenly started to sweat as he realized even if Sephiroth didn’t go insane from what he said, that he could have ruined their entire relationship. Knowing that you’d gone insane and the person you now loved had killed you several times…could you remain with that person?

“Excuse me, I need to think.”

Cloud nearly jumped up to follow as Sephiroth stood from his chair and left the room, but Zack grabbed his arms and made him sit back down. “Give him time to think, you gave us a big whammy.”

“And what do you think?”

Zack stared at him and Cloud didn’t bother to hide his anxiety. He hadn’t even thought that maybe they wouldn’t believe him; he knew they would, they trusted him to not lie about something like this. A faint smile was sent his way and Zack ruffled his hair fondly. “I think that you’re one hell of a brave guy and I’m honored that you thought you were me.”

Before he knew it, Cloud found himself laughing, in utter relief. There was just something inane about the comment. Thinking he was Zack was such a minor portion of what he’d said, but trust Zack to use that as a way to dissolve tension for a moment. His laughter faded away after a minute. His worried feelings weren’t just for what he’d said, but that Sephiroth had just left. He really did love that man and the thought that they’d break up sent shivers of fear down his spine.

“Zack…do you think that Sephiroth will be okay?”

Zack sighed and shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t have a clue. I mean, I can only imagine what it’s like to know that you went insane at one point and killed a whole bunch of people, including your friend and your friend’s girlfriend. All I do know is that we need to leave him be. I’ve seen that mood before and you’ll only make it worse if you go after him.”

“It’s not that easy, Zack,” Cloud argued. “I love him and I’m…afraid. What if, by telling you two, I somehow drive him to that point? Or that even if he stays sane, we break up? Before, I thought I had known emotional pain when fighting and defeating Sephiroth, but it’s nothing compared to now. I know him, I love him.”

“I know you do, Spike, but you have to let it be for now. I mean, you’ve been working hard for almost a whole year on this and you’ve gotten to the point that it’s out of your hands. There’s nothing more you can do at this point in time. When you told us, you gave up your total control over everything and now all you can do is wait. Which I’d say you deserve, give what you’ve put us through. You little brat, do you know how worried we were?”

Cloud opened his mouth to protest when Zack hugged him and they ended up in a small wrestling match. The sheer silliness of it cheered his mood at a little until they stopped, listening to the rain hitting the roof and panting as they caught their breath. His thoughts wouldn’t stop circling around Sephiroth though. Where had he gone? Had he…gone to the mansion?

“Would you stop fretting?” Zack muttered, seeing his anxious look come back.

“I can’t help it,” he snapped, smacking Zack with a pillow before he stood up and began pacing. 

“It’s only been barely a half an hour. I’ve seen him gone for at least three in these moods.”

Despite Zack’s reassurances, Cloud didn’t stop wearing a trail through the flooring. It finally got onto his friend’s nerves and he threw up his hands. “Fine, we’ll go look for him. We’ll that make you happy? I don’t think it’ll make him so, but you’re killing me here.” With another muttered grumble, Zack got off the bed and grabbed his sword. Hunting around in his bags without permission, the black-haired man shoved First Tsuguri into his hands.

Cloud felt his tense shoulders slump a little in relief and he was right on Zack’s heels as they left the room and headed downstairs. However, Sephiroth wasn’t in the tavern area of the Inn. A cold knot of fear slunk into his stomach as listened to Zack ask anyone there if they’d seen the General. The only thing any of them could say was that he’d left about twenty minutes ago. 

“Maybe he’s at the mansion,” he suggested.

They headed out into the pouring rain and jogged through the mud up to the decrepit building. The gate was still barely hanging onto its hinges and was slapping back and forth in the wind. With a kick, Zack had it off its hinges and landing on the muddy ground, stomping over it without a word. Not that either one of them could really hear anything through the storm had they tried to say anything anyway.

It was as eerily silent as always when they stepped in, dripping water and mud onto the ground. A layer of dust covered everything, just like in his memories. Zack looked to him expectantly and Cloud winced, taking the lead and cautiously heading upstairs. Monsters had infested the building the last time he’d been here, though so far there didn’t seem to be anything but cobwebs and a few spiders.

Nor were there any footprints left behind from Sephiroth. Nothing but themselves disturbed the dust. At the first landing of the stairs, he turned them to the right and to the main bedroom. It was burned into his mind where the trap door was in the stone wall and pushing in a block had it grinding and sliding back and away to show the broken stairs. 

“Careful, they’re really old and I’ve had more than a few break under me before.”

“Guess you put on weight when you got older, huh?” Zack quipped and if Cloud hadn’t already started on descending the rickety stairs, he would have turned around and smacked his best friend a good one.

“Shut up.”

Cloud kept his hand on the stone wall all the way down, as there was no railing and he had no intention of falling the rest of the way. Just as before, the passageway down at the bottom was creepy and he could see the bats hanging off the ceiling now that he knew where to look. They eyed the two of them but didn’t seem inclined to leave their perch, especially since the sound of the rain traveled even all the way down there.

“I think we should wake up Vincent while we’re here.”

“Vincent? Who’s Vincent?”

“He’s a former Turk,” Cloud explained in a quiet whisper. “Hojo used him for some really nasty experiments, partly because he’d been in love with Lucretia. He’s blamed himself for what happened to her ever since.”

Zack grabbed his arm as he was about to start walking again. “Okay, wait a second here. Did Lucretia love him?”

“Well…I don’t know. Guess it would depend on who you asked. Maybe, why?”

“Well…if she loved him and he loved her and Hojo didn’t like him…what if he’s Sephiroth’s dad? Is that possible?”

“Anything is possible,” he answered slowly. He’d once asked Vincent something similar in the past and had never gotten a straight answer…if getting a straight answer out of Vincent was possible at all. “I see…similarities between the two of them, some of them physical and others…” He thought back to Vincent and Cid’s relationship. They’d never said anything and nothing was ever really seen, but the two had been joined at the hip ever since they had successfully saved the Planet. And he’d always gotten a strange feeling about Vincent whenever he thought of the idea that maybe, just maybe, they might have had more than a friend relationship.

“What others?”

“Zack, do we have to talk about this now? We’re trying to find Sephiroth!”

“I have to know, what others?” There was a stubborn glint in his friend’s eye and a smile lurked around his lips. 

“I’ll only say this, think what you want about it: I can’t imagine Sephiroth ever being…on the bottom between us, okay?”

“Now wait one second here, are you saying that they share that? Men and positioning? Didn’t you just say that he loved Lucretia?”

“Zack!” he snapped quickly, kicking his friend’s ankle hard and watching the man jump about in pain. “Shut up about it, okay?!” With the threat of more violence, Zack let it go, but he could see an amused grin on the man’s face.

They quietly headed down the long passageway, Cloud pausing them at the first, halfway hidden door. Zack glanced at the other not a few paces away, but remained next to him. “This where that Vincent guy is?”

“Yes. Help me open this door, I don’t have the key.”

Zack dragged his sword from over his shoulder and jabbed it hard at the lock with such force that it split some of the wood. Another powerful kick and it swung open with a shattering of the old, rusty metal. Grinning in triumph, Zack strapped his buster sword onto his back again and motioned for Cloud to go first, as one would with a date after he’d opened the door.

Idly glaring at Zack for his teasing taunt, Cloud hesitantly stepped into the room. The coffin was still closed, but he knew that Vincent couldn’t have missed the noise as Zack broke the door. Trying to be polite, he knocked on the lid. No answer was forthcoming so he awkwardly pried it open and peered in.

Red eyes were already open and giving him that disapproving stare that he’d learned so well. “Hi, Vincent.”

“Is your name Cloud?”

He blinked in surprise, glancing over at Zack. His friend shrugged. “Guess this isn’t normal either from what you remember.”

“Hardly,” he shot back. “I didn’t even meet him for months _after_ we had escaped from the basement.” Turning back to Vincent, he shoved the lid off the coffin entirely. “How do you know me?”

“I had a dream that a young man named Cloud was going interrupt my sleep.” There was a pregnant, disapproving pause. “Looks like it was right.”

“What else did the dream tell you?” Vincent was as close to psychic than Cloud had ever seen, his sixth senses bordering on supernatural in that aspect and the last time he had woken the man up, he had stated that his dreams had already informed him of what was going on, to some extent.

“Nothing. My dreams tell me nothing, it is merely my interpretation of them. Now go away and leave me undisturbed.”

As Vincent reached out to drag the coffin lid back over top him, Cloud hurried to stop him, almost falling over top of the former Turk and giving Zack a good look at his metal arm. “Vincent, please don’t do that. We need your help.”

“What for?”

He glanced at Zack for help, but his friend merely shrugged at him. He wasn’t sure what to say to get Vincent to leave his coffin. The last time he had woken him up, it had been a combination of what Sephiroth had done and something about Hojo, neither of which he could rely on. “We’re looking for someone who might be your son.”

“I have no son.”

“So you’re sure you’re not Sephiroth’s dad then?” Zack asked, leaning in the doorway.

The name seemed to spark something in Vincent, a flash over red eyes. “I knew of a baby that was to be born that was going to be named Sephiroth, but he died in childbirth, along with the mother.”

“That’s what Hojo told you before he experimented on you?” Cloud asked, seeing perhaps a spark of hope of getting Vincent out of the coffin. He just couldn’t leave the man there.

“…How did you know about that?”

“I’ll explain everything later, I promise, if you come with us. Right now, I can tell you that Sephiroth is very much alive.”

“Yeah, you’re talking to his boyfriend right there.”

“ _Zack!_ ”

Vincent stared at the two of them for so long without saying a word or moving that Cloud felt his hopes steadily sinking. He was about to give up on the idea of ever getting Vincent to agree when the hand loosened on the coffin lid. “I will come with you, if only so you can explain how you know my history and who I am.”

Though Vincent insisted that he didn’t need it, Cloud and Zack helped him out of the coffin to stand. As like other things, Vincent was the spitting image of the man in his memories. Swallowing thickly, he led the two of them into the basement library. This too was burned into his mind as it used to be, except that it hadn’t been converted into an experimenting room yet. There were no tanks full of mako or any syringes with Jenova cells in them anywhere in the room.

“He doesn’t seem to be here,” Zack commented as they scoured the small library anyway, the SOLDIER occasionally pausing to look at the book titles or pick up something from the floor here or there. “If he’s not here then where would he be?”

“At the mako reactor,” Cloud whispered, filled with dread. This was his worst nightmare. He didn’t even bother to wonder how Sephiroth might have gotten there. The fact that he wasn’t in the ShinRa mansion meant that there was only one other place that he could be and that was the last place he wanted his lover.


	17. Chapter 17

Though it would have been more beneficial to wait until the rain let up, Cloud refused to let them have that option. Instead, he charged straight out and headed up to the trail leading into the mountains in back of the mansion. Vincent shrugged his red cape up a little more before he too stepped into the driving rain, his expression not quite changing much.

Zack personally had a few more misgivings about this, but he couldn’t let his friend and his…friend’s friend go out there by themselves, so he followed. Maybe it was because he was ‘told’, but he just didn’t feel the urgency. Sure, the story was horrific, but he didn’t feel anything more than mild alarm. He trusted Sephiroth; he’d known the man since they were both teenagers in the war with Wutai. The man he knew would never be weak-willed enough to be controlled unless there were extreme circumstances.

Which by all accounts, in Cloud’s other ‘future’, there were. Part of him wondered about the differences between what happened to create that future and the current present. Zack couldn’t imagine that his other self would have acted any differently then than he did now. So if it wasn’t him, what other million things could have contributed to Sephiroth going insane? It didn’t make any sense to him, the idea that Sephiroth could just go around killing innocent people and wanting to destroy the planet not computing.

“Zack, hurry up!”

“I’m not a monkey like you; if I hurry, I’ll slip and break my neck!” he shouted back, striving to get his voice over the howling of the wind through the mountains, the nearby caverns making it sound louder and more ominous than it really was. He honestly really hated it when his feelings were right about missions. This was becoming really complicated.

Vincent beckoned to them with a gold-colored metal arm, apparently deciding he wasn’t going to raise his voice for the sake of being heard over a storm. Cloud hurried to his side, having an agility to him over the slippery rocks that Zack envied. It probably came from growing up in this environment, aided by the fact that he now had mako enhancing his system. It wasn’t as easy for him.

They waited for him, though Cloud was fidgeting impatiently the whole while. What Vincent had found was a bridge. It was very old, the only things holding the planks of wood up being water-logged and decrepit looking ropes. It was swaying slightly in the rain. With his sight enhanced with years of mako injections, Zack could seen enough through rain over the distance and know that it wasn’t going to last if one of them put even so much as one foot on there in this weather.

“I’m going to guess that’s the fastest way there,” Zack yelled to Cloud. A glum nod was his response, yellow spikes of hair so soaked that it was actually lying flat against his head. Even Zack’s had not managed to withstand the barrage of water.

With a glare at the bridge, Cloud turned and led them into a nearby cavern. Zack didn’t even have to blink to adjust to the gloom, considering how dark it was outside to begin with. Still, darkness didn’t hide much with his sight and he glanced around, seeing that the cave was actually a convoluted system linking many like it, probably all throughout the mountain. The noise was cut significantly in roar, to be replaced by the wind’s sound being somewhat more hollow and ‘ghost-like’.

It didn’t faze him.

Glad he didn’t have to shout, Zack asked, “I hope you know the way through here. We could get lost for two weeks.”

“I mapped out this whole place when I was younger and everything about Nibelheim is burned into my memory. I couldn’t get us lost if I tried.”

Vincent, Zack noted, didn’t say much even when they didn’t have to shout to be heard and Cloud seemed too tense, so not much was said as they traversed the inside of the mountain. He couldn’t help going back over the wonderings of what had all gone so wrong in that other place Cloud was from. It seemed like one struggle after another, one huge pain dealt in small blows. No wonder Cloud was sometimes so quiet and sad when he thought he was unobserved. If he was thinking about that other time, it wasn’t surprising. For all the bad stuff that Zack saw in the present, it wasn’t anywhere like _that._

They had half an hour of protection from the storm before they were back out in it again, Cloud leading them mercilessly on and not allowing a break. Zack was worried, he couldn’t deny that; his friend’s anxiety was infecting him. He wanted to find Sephiroth, but at the same time, he was absurdly confident that his General wouldn’t succumb to anything of the sort, especially not after hearing _that_ story.

The reactor loomed in the distance and Cloud put in a burst of speed, reaching it in record time through the storm. They were all sopping wet and Zack took a minute to shake out his hair when they stepped inside, though the amount of life within it didn’t so much as twitch and remained flat against his skull and back.

“Tifa…?”

“Cloud!”

Zack glanced to the left at the girl huddled, sitting on the floor and shivering. “So that’s how Seph got here. He got himself a guide.”

“At this time of night?”

It was the first time Vincent had spoken since leaving the mansion and Zack shrugged at him. “Seph is very persuasive. My guess is as soon as we were told what had happened in the Inn, he went out and asked where he could find a guide with the Innkeeper and got one all right.”

Vincent had been told what had happened and Zack had noticed that when looking for an emotional response to note the eyes. During the second telling Cloud had been forced to do, the expression didn’t change but Vincent’s eyes would widen or narrow depending on what he felt for a split second. His calmness hadn’t changed any, but Zack thought it was good to know that Hojo didn’t break everything in the other man. He didn’t need to be told what happened to Vincent; he could make a pretty damn good educated guess from his own experiences and what he saw in the labs.

“…you didn’t write me to tell me you’d be coming to Nibelheim,” Tifa finished, Zack blinking as he realized he’d tuned out the very short conversation. Cloud was clearly using will alone to stay in one place and not sprint to Sephiroth. Knowing what he did of their relationship, the story having been embellished during their time going through the mountain, he figured it was only because of a feeling of loyalty that kept him in one spot.

“Sorry Tifa, can’t talk now.”

Zack hurried after Cloud, throwing a nod to the bewildered girl and hearing the sounds of Vincent’s metal shoes hit the metal walkway beneath their feet. For all that, Vincent moved far more quietly than he’d expected. In fact, he was almost silent incarnate. 

Cloud continued, but both he and Vincent paused in the room they came to, peering into the little porthole-shaped window into the capsules. Zack felt his stomach turn a little at the sight and promised that as soon as they got back to ShinRa, he was going to talk to someone about this. Now he was beginning to understand why something might have started Sephiroth into reading on his own past and getting corrupted. To think you might have been one of _these_ things…they looked like a mix between monster and man.

“…How could ShinRa continue to fund such a corrupt man that would make these things?”

Zack glanced at Vincent and frowned. “I don’t think they know about this. At least Rufus ShinRa doesn’t. If we’re lucky, knowing how Rufus hates Hojo, we might get something done about it when we get back.”

“We?”

“Aren’t you coming with us?”

Vincent only looked at him before they finally headed after Cloud. He wasn’t sure if that silence meant the other man was thinking about going back or if he was most assuredly not going to. Had he been in Vincent’s shoes, he’d be torn. He’d want to shred Hojo limb from limb for what he’d done, but at the same time, not want to be anywhere near the man who had caused him such harm.

“Oi, Seph!” Zack called, when his gaze spotted his friend in the heart of the reactor. Cloud was frozen in place, his face white as a sheet, and Zack felt his heart sink a little in worry when he saw why.

Sephiroth was standing in the middle of the walkway leading to a vat of some kind with a body in it. A body who’s head was currently in his General’s hands. That silver-haired head lifted to look at them and for once, Zack wished that Sephiroth used facial expressions more. Never before had he really disliked that ‘poker’ face of his friend’s as he did now, because it never gave him any idea of what Sephiroth was thinking.

“Hey, uh…what are you doing?”

His hand shot out, remaining hidden behind Cloud in front of them, to grip Vincent’s wrist and prevent it from moving. He’d seen the motion the other man had as he put his hand on the hilt of his gun. He was _not_ about to let anyone go overboard until he was absolutely sure of what was going on. So far, all he saw was Sephiroth holding a head. That was it. No dead bodies and in fact, Tifa was completely unharmed with the exception of freezing cold from the storm. From Cloud’s recount, she’d been sliced across the chest when this had happened ‘before’.

Sephiroth glanced at Vincent, as if well aware of the motion the man had had to grip his gun, which Zack wouldn’t have found surprising. His senses were ten times as keen as any SOLDIER in ShinRa…and now they knew why. With a shake of his head, Sephiroth knocked a few strands of wet hair from his eyes and lifted up the head in his hands.

Much to Zack’s surprise, Cloud didn’t make a sound. He didn’t even reach for his weapon. One look at the tenseness of his neck and Zack knew right then that if Sephiroth had gone insane and they had to fight, it would be him by himself, with maybe Vincent’s support. Cloud couldn’t raise his hand to his lover, not now. His feelings, which at any other point would have been his strength, had become his weakness now. He’d be unable to do what was needed, unable to bear the pain a second time. 

If it was needed.

It was a split second and they watched as Sephiroth tossed the head he held into the mako pit beneath them. Zack peered over the railing, having expected some sort of shriek or something from this ‘Jenova’ thing, but it was utter silence. Just a faint ‘plop’ sound as the head hit the mako far below them and sank, disappearing into the green. “Okay then…”

Sephiroth shrugged, his unreadable expression relaxing just a little. “Everything seemed to stem from ‘Jenova’ and revolving around her head. If there is no head, how can I go insane from it?”

Whatever feeling that had held Cloud as still as a statue shattered and the young man shot forward, all but throwing himself into his lover’s arms. Zack grinned when he saw the surprised look on Sephiroth’s face. Well, wasn’t that…cute? He’d never seen Cloud actually cling to Sephiroth before, burying his face in that broad chest despite everyone being soaking wet.

“Are you all right, Cloud?”

When there was no answer forthcoming, Zack chuckled and let go of Vincent’s wrist, only to put his hands in his pockets and casually lean against the railing. “He’s been completely out of his mind with worry after you left and didn’t tell us. He thought maybe by telling you, he’d either driven you insane or that you were going to break up with him.”

That one definitely stumped Sephiroth, he could tell. “Break up with him? Why would I do that?”

“Gee, I dunno, Seph. Maybe because he had told us a story where he killed you three times? I mean, that sort of stuff doesn’t exactly inspire romantic feelings in someone. Sort of kills the mood.”

A faint smile touched chiseled features and Sephiroth wrapped his arms tightly around Cloud’s shivering form. Whether he was shivering from cold or release of worry, Zack didn’t know. He glanced at Vincent and looked to the door. There was a silent nod and they quietly stepped out to leave the two lovebirds some privacy.

For his part, Sephiroth felt bad for the fear he had caused Cloud, but he had honestly thought Zack would keep their friend busy for an hour or two and he’d be back before they were aware he was gone. It was a simple thing to find a guide, come to the reactor, get rid of the head, and go back, or so he thought.

“I apologize,” he whispered.

“You should,” Cloud agreed, the faintest of laughs coming out, but he knew that his boyfriend didn’t find anything funny about this situation. “I thought…I thought you…Shit, I thought I’d failed again.”

“Was it thinking you’d failed that made you fear?”

“Absolutely not!” Cloud shot back, finally lifting his head. Spirit filled blue eyes, a conviction that pushed any doubt Sephiroth had away. “It was because I didn’t want to lose you!”

“My mistake,” he said instead, feeling relaxed now that he knew that the Cloud in his arms was the same one he’d fallen in love with. He’d seen glimpses of this spirited and challenging Cloud before, but it was always buried beneath other things: shyness, worry, duty, even love. Away from the confines of ShinRa, in an area of the world that Cloud knew intimately and held such power with him and over him, it felt as if they were more equal than they’d ever been.

“Do you feel better?”

“About what?”

“That you don’t have to hide any longer, or do it all yourself?”

Cloud paused, tilting his head as he thought about it. Eyes glanced around the reactor room, as if seeing it in an entirely new light. “You know,” he commented. “I don’t know what’s going to happen now. Now that I don’t…I feel lighter somehow. You’d think I’d feel heavier because I _don’t_ know what’ll happen, but…”

“That’s the way it should be, Cloud. Nobody should know what’s going to happen before it does.”

“Guess that means I’m like everybody else now, huh?”

“Not entirely. You have something no one else does.”

Cloud looked at him in surprise. “What’s that?”

“My love.”

Much to Sephiroth’s surprise, Cloud started laughing and only hugged him harder. “That’s so cheesy! But I like it anyway.”

Sephiroth basked in the silence as the laughter died away and a relieved joy came back. He’d felt nothing, heard nothing, saw nothing unusual as he tossed the head into the mako. He didn’t know what that would do, but if something untoward happened, they would just have to take care of it when it happened. Knowing what he did, Sephiroth didn’t believe in worrying over something until it was clear that something was going to happen.

“We had best go before Zack comes back in to get us.”

“Yeah.” As they let go, Cloud’s death grip not fazing Sephiroth much, there was a smile cast his way. “Sephiroth?”

“Yes?”

Lips were placed on his and he happily gave himself up to the kiss. It was sweet, but promised of more and his gaze darkened in interest. “I love you.”

“I know.”

“Hey you two!”

“Coming, Zack!” Cloud called when the black-haired man’s interrupted their silence yet again. 

Sephiroth watched him go, pausing to look behind him at the body still floating in the broken, clear container. The thought of that ugly carcass being his ‘mother’ made him shudder. Hearing what he’d done, at first he’d had a hard time believing it. Until he’d actually seen the corpse, it had just been a story. The fact that it was here like Cloud had said, looked exactly as he had said it would, had firmed his belief of his boyfriend’s words.

Stepping out of the room, with a shrug of dismissal at the silent body, he watched Zack and Cloud in a playfight in the room beyond. Eyes calmly watched the blond and he couldn’t help whispering a heartfelt ‘Thank you’.

_The End_


End file.
